I'm not sure if this is the right forum or not ~ I have problems communicating in sentences so I've tried to do it the only way I know. I need to talk to someone and yet I can't the words in my head when said outloud are muddled. I don't know how I begin to talk but if I don't talk soon it will end up killing me, please can someone help? maybe I'm asking too much and there is no way. I would do anything at the moment, I have 3 days to change my thoughts around. sitting, wondering, questioning why? How my life became this lie. What happened and why did it come alive? why after all the years that I managed to survive. one morning I woke feeling dead I couldn't function or get out of bed the walls closed in, my life shut down my mind, body was on shutdown. Why had these feelings come to the surface why couldn't it stay in the blackness locked away never to be seen why after all those years did it have to make a scene. Was I ever a child, or just a toy Did people realise my life was being destroyed Why didn't I realise even thru the pain that something wasn't right, why is it so hard to explain. Even now sex hurts too much I don't even like a man's touch I'm physically sick as the pain becomes to intense to me it makes no sense. I'm an adult but still sex has the same meaning closeness to a man has the same feeling sex is dirty, it hurts, its not clean closeness is unacceptable, it will cause u pain. I'm freaked to love, to care or show emotions i can't talk incase some listens but then, the words I can't seem to explain muddled, confused is all I feel how do I get it out to explain?