Please Don't Judge Me

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Much afraid, Mar 2, 2013.

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  1. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    I suppose I'm an ancient for considering forum participation - probably much older than many here. Don't really know what I think this will do. Looking I suppose for a place where I'm not silenced, ridiculed, judged for my thought(s) when I dare (rarely) to speak. But have nowhere safe to share thoughts. Hoping perhaps that I may turn here when I feel if I don't vent my worthless thoughts, I will end this life.

    My journey to try to heal/change started only a few months ago. Never really thought in terms of something amiss rather just my "normal" that never matched anyone else's. A dark existence in a world of light not meant for me.

    Apparently I've been clinically depressed (major) and quietly suicidal for a lifetime. Seems kind of silly to worry about it now but people get very upset when you admit that you want to die. Seems odd since they don't really care about you as an individual. Just a project they'll forget when something more interesting comes along...

    It doesn't matter; I've never been of value so nearing the end of a long, tiring journey seems a good thing to me. Guess, however, healthier view would embrace life. Never said I was healthy...guess we'll see what happens. Thank you for letting me "speak freely".
     
  2. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    Welcome to sf! I do hope that you will feel like you can fit in here. We don't judge, and everyones feelings and thoughts are valid. Sometimes it can help to share with others who have experienced similar thoughts and feelings to help understand or just help fight off the feeling of loneliness.

    Do take good care of yourself :hug: and if you ever need someone to talk to, you are more than welcome to send a pm.
     
  3. zaneknight

    zaneknight Active Member

    SF is one of the last places to judge you based on anything; we'd be a bunch of hypocrites for doing so. In any case, welcome M.A. Quietly suicidal sounds starkly familiar, and I can understand how you feel... The first thing I did upon joining was start a nice long rant on the "Let it all out!" section of the forums. I'm hoping the same thing might help you, seeing your own thoughts reflected in a pool of words; it provides clarity, if absolutely nothing else, to see oneself that way. I'd also recommend hitting the Chat Room if you're ever in need of company.

    Welcome.
     
  4. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Welcome from another ancient. There are quite a few of us here. People's reactions to how we feel are odd aren't they?
     
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Hi and welcome! I hope you'll find this is a safe place for you to post about how you feel.
     
  6. Lunartic

    Lunartic Member & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forum, we ancients must stick together! Your words strike a chord with many of us, depression is a bastard ilness, I hope you find some solace here. Stay safe.
     
  7. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    Dear personunknown, zaneknight, Theodora, WildCherry and Lunartic,
    Thank you for your kind messages. I'm heartened to know there is a place where I may be honest about how I feel instead of having to watch every word and possible repercussion for feeling as I do most days. I'm "happy" to find I'm not completely alone with this; sad there are so many who must deal with the harshness of life and this illness...or normal as I've always seen it.
    You are all bright points in a typically dark/black hole. Thank you for your kindnesses. ♥ M.A.
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hiyas, and welcome to the forum :) Here you can be yourself , talk, share experiences..you've come to the right place. :)
     
  9. suesue1212

    suesue1212 New Member

    Hey there, It is very nice to be able to say what's on my mind. I can't even do this with my two shinks. I pray everyday for to die....so weird
     
  10. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    Hi CocaCola - thank you for the welcome message. This is so different from what I've experienced in my past. So freeing not to have to couch everything to make others feel better or worry that your honest reaction will result in a stint under observation...hard to be honest when another's judgement could mean the loss of your freedoms.
     
  11. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    Hi suesue1212, I know what you mean. I think a weight is lifted when we can speak freely and realize we're not really as totally alone as we feel. These things give me a little hope - something I've not had for a really long time. Thank you for your message. I hope this place will help us both. Maybe we will find our thought (and we) are not as weird as we believe we are. :D
     
  12. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi. As you have read, you will not be judged here. And, I am very old myself :D There are many more people who are older here than on any mental health websites I have ever come across. So you are in the right place as far as i am concerned !!

    I say things here I would never even consider saying to people irl. Because they could not handle it. Here, I am safe to talk, for the first itme about challenges and real feelings and know the people will not leave my life forever. SF is the only place where I have a voice. The only place where I can speak what is on my mind and in my heart. This is so very important in life !!!

    I hope you find this a community you can enjoy being part of. Personally, I think its kind and caring. as you already have seen. I am glad you are now a part of it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 4, 2013
  13. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    Hi flowers, thank you for your welcome and sharing. This has been quite an oasis in my storm. Thank you too for your responses to me in other areas. SF was most definitely not what I expected to find in my search results but I am very grateful that something within urged me to press the link and check it out.
     
  14. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I too am very glad you pressed that link to check it out. So now you have your oasis. Over the few years I have found that this oasis never waivers from caring and love. This is how it is run. And this community always needs more people like you. And all the others who bring their heart, their pain, their sorrow and their compassion and insight that often is found through suffering ( that hopefully will be soothed and lessened)
     
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