I suppose I'm an ancient for considering forum participation - probably much older than many here. Don't really know what I think this will do. Looking I suppose for a place where I'm not silenced, ridiculed, judged for my thought(s) when I dare (rarely) to speak. But have nowhere safe to share thoughts. Hoping perhaps that I may turn here when I feel if I don't vent my worthless thoughts, I will end this life. My journey to try to heal/change started only a few months ago. Never really thought in terms of something amiss rather just my "normal" that never matched anyone else's. A dark existence in a world of light not meant for me. Apparently I've been clinically depressed (major) and quietly suicidal for a lifetime. Seems kind of silly to worry about it now but people get very upset when you admit that you want to die. Seems odd since they don't really care about you as an individual. Just a project they'll forget when something more interesting comes along... It doesn't matter; I've never been of value so nearing the end of a long, tiring journey seems a good thing to me. Guess, however, healthier view would embrace life. Never said I was healthy...guess we'll see what happens. Thank you for letting me "speak freely".