please dont judge me

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by heidskins, Jul 31, 2010.

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  1. heidskins

    heidskins New Member

    I am not crazy, just hurting, I almost died < Cocobananas > 07/31 12:59:45


    I am not posting on here to have people look down and tell me how fucked up I am. I have had the worst 3 years of my life and losing the one person in my life that I thought I had a future with broke my heart, trust, everything I believed was good in this world. I was in a abusive relationship before that, then I had a short relationship and I lost a baby at 2 months along. I have constantly been lied and deceved.I feel god and everyone has given up on me. Ive tried everything tried a positive attitude, friends, you name it. I have tried to go to school better myself and get on my feet. I $$$ couldnt, I had to move back in with my parents. There is so much you will never know or understand so please dont judge me.
    Yesterday I decided to take my own life after I was to weak the night before <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>.
    After the person that hurt me the most left my house yesterday I <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>. It didnt seem to be working very well after a half hour I just felt a little weird. <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>. It lasted more then 45 min, finally it was working.....My pain was going away, my internal struggles were slipping away and it felt wonderful....I was almost there, my heart was pounding so hard it was about to rip out of my chest, but it didnt matter. There was no more pain, I would never have to feel it again. I have always been such a strong person and to find myself laying here dyeing and acually enjoying it was a shock. I was going to be free.
    Next thing I know I am getting worken up by my exboyfriend crying breathing for me. I know its a selfish thing to do...but its for me. I can not do it anymore, it wasnt a rash choice. I have tried everything in my life to make it better and gets worse and worse. I am workiong two jobs and cant get anywhere, I cant go to the doc or even get my teeth cleaned. I have so much pain inside, I thought I would post for some kind of support...because I woke up this morning and thought shit, I am still here, damn it! I want that feeling again...that realease and to be free from life
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 1, 2010
  2. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    this is a place of support and we would never judge you in any way sweety. You have come to the right place. We have a crisis forum, an suicide feelings one, self harm, and a live cht for you to get the support you are looking for.

    Welcome to the site!
     
  3. Some say death is the most beautiful angel of all, others say its the worst being in the universe. It just depends on how much stuck up to this world you are, for those who have nothing to lose, death is liberation, for those who have lied, decieved, lived in sloth, poverty, death is the bell of judgement. You did what you must have done, you live, so you have second chance, praise it, learn from it and move on, only good can come to you. I will give you some practical advices, whenever you think about negative stuff...STOP IT, start thinking about something nice and pretty, create your own beautifull world in your mind, where you can go, when the worst comes, to survive. Try meditation, its the best thing ever done, you will feel great, sooo great. Do some hobbies, so you wont think about negative stuff, preocuppy yourself, like for me, working out, drawing helped me to not think and concentrate. Last thing, try to talk to your ex...as you can see he still cares for you, try to give it another shot, that you need his help right now.
    Everything bad is good for something, you learn and move on.
    Bless you.
     
  4. loser

    loser Well-Known Member

    You judge yourself so harshly.
    You were doing the right things and had bad luck and wanted out.
    It is a cruel world. So we need the kind people to stay in it. That includes you and your ex.
     
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