Please dont judge:)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by STAYSTRONG <3, Nov 13, 2012.

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    STAYSTRONG <3 Member

    okay so im pretty new to this and i dont want to sound stupid and please dont judge but here's my story:
    im 15 years old when i was 14 i started hanging round with the wrong group of friends and started getting involved in drugs/alcohol, im not gonna lie at the time it made me feel important and i just wanted to fit in. I was out with friends one night and there were a few guys i didnt know i got drunk and one of them raped me.. i didnt even know his name or how old he was, no one knew about it and i just felt so dirty so i started sleeping around, i couldnt have a relationship with anyone as i just felt so worthless and disgusting, my friends at school found out and called me names such as sket and slag, i just felt horrible and even tried attempting suicide. My close friends helped me get through it and i was feeling so much happier and my school work was improving and i had got my reputation back, everyone had started accepting me again. i was so happy and id stopped cutting completely then i went to a party, it was going well until i saw the guy..the same guy who had ruined my life a few months before.he got me alone and threatened me that if i told anyone what had happened he would kill me, i was terrified and said i wouldnt he then raped me again and even know i have nightmares about him. I had turned my life around and now it had just come crashing down. and thats not even the end of the story, i fell pregnant with his baby and decided to keep it, i told everyone it was a one night stand and i gave my consent, i then miscarried and i felt horrible, like i had killed my baby, my closest friend (the only person who knew) said i should be glad because of what had happened and it was probably for the best becasue of who the babies father was but i didnt know what to think. I miscarried 4 days ago and i just dont want to live anymore please somebody help me x
  2. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    Hello, I am so sorry you have been hurt so badly. I strongly feel that you need to talk to your parents and the police about the rapes. This man will do it again if not stopped. You need to see a qualified rape councillor. I don't think it will help you carrying all of this alone, your friend sounds great but she is not equipped with the skillset to help you. Please ask for help, you are in a huge amount of pain and need the right support asap. I know it might not be much but I will pray for you and your baby.
  3. ksmith86

    ksmith86 Well-Known Member

    This is terrible! You're too young to be going through this. My heart goes out for you, it really does.

    Please heed my advice here:

    #1: Talk to your parents. They'll likely freak out and call the police once you tell them the whole story.
    The police probably won't be able to do too much initially, it's REALLY difficult to prove a rape occured unless other victims come forward or someone is willing to testify that they heard him bragging about it.
    HOWEVER, it should be pretty simple to get a restraining order against him, and if he comes anywhere near you you can call the cops and have him arrested for violating the restraining order. You'll have no such protection if you don't get one.

    About the guy:
    The fact that he raped you... is horrible. But, all people make mistakes and maybe he learned something from it. BUT he told you later that he'd kill you if you told anyone. This tells me he's a pretty fucked up individual, but again that's still within the bounds of normal human behavior.

    THE FACT THAT HE THEN RAPED YOU AGAIN, pretty much proves that this guy is absolutely twisted. He's a danger to society and to you, and you'll never be safe as long as he's on the streets. You aren't likely his first victim and you probably won't be the last.

    You absolutely need to either move far away OR get his ass behind bars. I'd suggest carrying some kind of recording device on you incase you bump into him again for evidence.

    It's not fair that you have to walk around in fear every day because of this guy. This is not how life is supposed to be. You absolutely won't be safe if you do nothing. There's a strong chance he's freaking out about getting caught and he could be planning a way to shut you up for good. I really don't mean to scare you, I just want you to have the happy, normal life you deserve.


    I'm praying for you :)
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    This is way to much for someone your age to there an adult who you trust who can help you do what is best for you? And about miscarrying, that is another loss which is understandable you feel like you are grieving over...I am so sorry all of this was forced on did nothing wrong (except partying and I hope you will not get too drunk again)...speak to someone IRL who can listen and counsel you...and please continue to tell us how you are doing
  5. Mma man

    Mma man Member

    Ok here goes my rape story I was 18 working security and teaching martial arts I thought I was invincable..... Well on my way to work my car broke down the oil cap came off and fucked my shit up bad I was miles from home and no one could help me I sat on the side of the road for hours when someone stopped to see if I needed help. He said well what's the problem I replied I'm not sure he said pop the hood and he said well your oil is bone dry do you want me to run you to a gas station to get some but I dissent have any money I had just started working and had no idea when I was going to get my first check. So I explained that to him and he said well I need some good karma I'll buy you the oil and a drink you look dehydrated so we put the oil in my car with no success it was done for I needed it to be towed he told me look I'll make you a loan and you can pay it back when you get pail I'll tow your car home and just give me some collateral so I have him my 300$gps In exchange. Well with no car I lost my job and had no way to pay him back so I called him and told him the situation and said just keep the gps until I can pay you back and he said well I own a business come work for me lets meet up for an interview. So he came and picked me up from my house and said ok well do you wana go grab a drink at this bar I know. I replied I'm only 18 he said dont worry I know them so I said well a yeah I was young and wanted to feel older and important so we got to this bar in the middle of no where and well I felt fine I'm a martial arts instructor and I have a knife on me I'll b fine so I got a soda at first and then went to smoke a cigarette and then called my mom to tell her the good news she said immediately where are you I'm calling the police get out run its not safe. I said mom I'm fine don't worry about it I'll call u in a few then I went back in and started talking about marketing and I took a few more drinks of my soda and then I woke up in my front yard with no shirt I called my mom and dad and went to the hospital then things started coming back to me about what happened I'd prefer not to say its still very emotional after all these years all I have to say is call the police I had that sick bastard locked up and you need to as well it will only get worse for you please coming from someone that was raped do yourself a favor and lock him up get some sanity back in your life it's going to be tough but you have to do it

    STAYSTRONG <3 Member

    Thanks for all advice, i was walking out of school today and i looked round and i could see him in his car watching me which really freaked me out and i then got a text saying 'remember what i said, i know where you live' and he's also sent me texts saying ill come get Jake if you say anythin(i was getting so close to jake and i actually love him soo much but know cant even let him touch me which he cants understand and he gets upset:(), and i dont understand how he knows where i live but im pretty sure hes not lying as he knew where my school was, ive always been the type of person who everyone goes to to help them sort out their problems, ive tried so hard to stay strong but lately im getting so scared, and my nightmares are getting worse, im not close with my parents so talking to them is going to be difficult but i know i have to do something i just think it would be easier not to live anymore x
  7. wecouldfightcrime

    wecouldfightcrime Active Member

    wow. you are so strong, to be going through all that and not telling anyone!

    well. if it was me (this is a personal approach) i would leg it down to the police station and report it as a rape and give them his number and name. i would ask for myself to be kept annonymous and that would make me feel a lot better about it.
    but also, telling your parents will help. if you don't want to tell them, tell any person of authority that you trust. your grandparents? auntie? uncle? that strict teacher who seems like she 'gets you'? ya know?

    i really hope it goes okay, it's not your fault of course. it is not something that 'ending it' will fix remember, he'll still be out there and could do this to others :(

    really wish you the best xxxxxxxxxx
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi honey, I'd never judge. No one should have to go through what you went through. I would really recommend that you tell the police, because what if he will or even has done this to someone before?! I also think you need to get yourself come counselling hun :hug:
  9. bottleneck

    bottleneck Member

    Maybe this was already suggested - but there's got to be an rape counselor you can go to, contact a domestic violence shelter in your area or something. These people know how to deal with ass-holes like him. I think they will do their beest to keep you safe. If he knows you are pursuing help, I think he'll get scared and back off. This guy likes that you're afraid, it's making him feel powerful. But don't put your safety at risk. If you're afraid of him finding out that you're pursuing help - phone them first and tell them everything. You're way too young to be going through this alone.
  10. Raphael1

    Raphael1 Well-Known Member

    He is threatening you because he's really scared of getting in trouble. Give me his details and I'll get him locked up.

    What you need to do is get a recorder, have a conversation with him, get it recorded, and get his admition, so that's evidence.

    You have got to keep yourself and other girls safe. You can't let him threaten you. Get other males to help you.

    You can't let him walk free from that. Follow that other girls example and makes sure he's lock up so no-one else gets hurt.
  11. pancake111

    pancake111 Well-Known Member

    This is some pretty horrible stuff, but my problem is: when you saw the guy at the party who raped you, why didn't you just leave right then? But that's beside the point now. Considering this guy is now stalking you, YOU NEED TO TELL YOUR PARENTS. This guy has issues, and will only get worse if you don't get help. no matter how awkward and scary it will be to tell your parents, it will be far worse if you don't tell them and something bad happens to you.

    And stay strong :)
  12. Rikudou

    Rikudou New Member

    STAYSTRONG,it's horrible something like this happened,no one should go through this,but right now you don't need to suffer anymore from this man.Report him immediatly to the police,talk to your parents and tell them what happened from the begining!The fact that he is threataning and follows you means that he is playing you by cards,he's controlling you so that he might rape you again and get away with it again by using threats.Be strong and don't listen to him,he is nothing more than a coward and i doubt that he will easily kidnap or kill your relatives,he is a chicken when it comes to the police.If you read this,stop everything you do,and report him to the police as fast as you can,don't let this cowardly thug to win,trust me he will suffer consequences if you tell the truth to the police.Do it right away and keep us informed,stay strong and let justice be done!Take care!
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