Please don't leave me!!!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Bottled up for too long, Mar 18, 2010.

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  1. Please is there anybody there I can't do this anymore. My name is Kevin and I've been living a lie for the past year. I've been in therapy since 2005 until last year when I had to move away and leave the only people who understood me behind. I suffer from clinical depression. I try to act calm but I can't keep this charade up. No one knows what is happening. I'm falling apart. All the people I thought were my friends have abandoned me. I see them every day and they ignore me like I'm a complete stranger and oh god it hurts so bad. I hurt myself because I feel so bad and I feel like I HAVE to, I NEED to hurt something. I rip the skin off my lips and watch them bleed and say I get into fights. I rip my hair out. I slash and slice my arms and legs so maybe someone will like me. That has to e the only reason they avoid me it's because I'm bad I'm terrible I'm a fucking demon and I can't be fixed I have to do it I have to hurt myself I have to be punished thenaybe they'll like me I won't be bad anymore I'll be good and then well laugh and have fun like I used to but it doesn't work it won't work it can't work it'll never work. XXXXX
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 19, 2010
  2. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    Violence merely silences our problems. It doesn't bring help any faster.

    I hope you find support and an outlet here.
  3. I'm just trying to explain what goes through my head every day. It sickens me and I feel like I've got to punish myself for thinking like that and that's why people shun me. I just need someone to talk to. I'm so lonely and I'm so sad every day. There are times when I just want everything to go away. I wouldn't be sad if everyone else in the world died tomorrow. I'm already alone what difference would it make
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: Here if you want to talk, you can PM me anytime. You don't have to go through it alone.
  5. Personally I'm getting kind of a vague description of what happend to you. It actually sounds a lot like what I've gone through in the past year though. Elaborate?
  6. I was diagnosed with depression about six months after hurricane Katrina. I've been in therapy for a while and I had real friendships in Mississippi until my parents forced me to leave all that behind and move with them to Washington DC. I've been here since late June. Things went well for the first few months I thought I was doing fine. Then everything came apart. The people I thought liked me have turned their backs on me and shunned me. I don't even get the courtesy of a returned message on facebook. Let alone a look at me as we pass in the hallway. I cut myself pull out my hair and rip off skin from my lips because I feel so angry and so terrible. I feel like I woant to hurt them. I want to hurt them so badly they'll never forget who I am and they'll never be able to ignore me again. Sometimes when I'm alone I hear voices laughing. They laugh like those people laugh at me behind my back. Things have gotten so bad I had to go somewhere because I'm scared of what will happen next.
  7. Thank you wildcherry that makes me feel better than you would possibly know
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: Just keep talking to us, don't give up. You can find friendship and support here.
  9. That's all I've ever been looking for but what good could I possibly do when I walk through life like a failure. I've failed at everything. I've failed a
    at music. I've failed at love. I've failed at school. And now I'm failing at the world
  10. Man I know what it feels like to move away and for things to only get worse. I moved away a long time ago from a place I was so happy into a place I deem the Beginning of the End (just deemed it that officially). Honestly though, even in your situation I kept my head high and said things will get better. I set a goal for myself, I'm sorry to admit I have failed that goal miserably, which kind of made the fall worse... But you still have a chance. If life still sucks when you're out on you own I say do what ever you want. But for now you're just following their path.
  11. I don't know if I could ever make it that far. It's like this every single day and I can't stand it Anymore
  12. So people are making fun of you?
  13. It's never happened to my face. I don't even get tue courtesy of having someone speak to me now. All I hear is rumor from the very few people that didn't turn out like that. Rumor about what I do and how I look and all that shit for no reason at all
  14. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You said you get rumors from the people who didnt' turn out that way. So are there still people you can talk to?
  15. I still have a few friends but this is one part of me I've kept very deeply hidden from people idk what they'd do if they found out
  16. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Was just looking back at your original post... You don't deserve to be punished. You're not a bad person, and you CAN be fixed.
  17. I'm glad I've found some people who think so.....
  18. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm glad you joined.

    How come you had to move away?
  19. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    IF they don't like you ingnore them. They aren't worth your time. They are scum. High school will be over before you know it don't worry.
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