Please don’t do this. I can’t go through it again. I won’t admit it. No I’m wrong. Not again. She was a horrible creature. I was right about that. But I do fear the threat. Don’t leave me standing alone. I know how my mind turns and churns and crashes against the same pointless, shameful silliness. I know it’s off. I know I should just turn it off. But the damn switch seems to have broken off or some such thing. I know I’m off. But I can’t stop the circling. All the tricks keep failing and logic is nothing in the face of my wild mind’s will. The inside of my head is its own special kind of hell. I have been parboiled into a human-sized raisin-like creature of fear and impotent fury. I’d say death stalks me but that’d be a lie. She’s like an old, lost friend, the thought of which still brings comfort and grief. No, no, life stalks me. Life, with the knowledge of years in its eyes and the promise of a brand new day day, after day and with each one a fresh hell and my brain, once cherished, now a hazard. Life smites me with myself again and again. Don’t do this. I need to know that someone else knows at least a little that I am broken and I am terrified and they love me anyway. I need to know someone will listen even when I can’t quite hear or think. Please don’t leave me alone with myself.