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Please Explain!

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Kraven, May 4, 2008.

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  1. Kraven

    Kraven Guest

    Hello. Howdy doo :)

    Okay, right to the point. I've been suicidal, and still am, for a long time now. I've looked through hundreds of sites on suicide, I've talked to so many people about it. And what truly pisses me off is when they say these two lines:

    1) There Is Hope
    2) Suicide is not the answer.

    I could punch someone when I hear those two lines.
    Yes, apparently lots and lots of this so called "hope" is flying around, yet I can never seem to find any no matter how hard I look. It just evades me.

    The reason I want to suicide is because I can't find any other option. I don't want to live this shitty life. I don't want to get into the detail about my life. But I certainly do not want to go on like this. So if suicide is not the answer THEN WHAT IS? Is it to go on living pretending nothing is wrong? Is that the answer? Someone please explain that to me.

  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Im looking forward to seeing the replies, I have been asking myself the same questions for a long time! No matter how hard I try to find this so called answer other than suicide, I never can. i know this reply doesnt help much, but id just thought id let you know, you are not alone :hug:
  3. Robin

    Robin Guest

    Sometimes when I get real low and don't have the answers I kinda like to think that by living I am martyring myself to my pain, maybe I'm paying for crimes in a past life or for those that do not pay for them in this life, either way, karma is restored and I have purpose in pain.

    I was particularly down Tues or Weds and I happened on this song by Within Temptation, never heard of them before but it helped me through the day.

  4. blue shoes

    blue shoes Well-Known Member

    Hi Kraven!

    People differ, people's opinions and beliefs differ, some people believe there is always hope, some people think that suicide is not the answer, so they express their beliefs and opinions. And if they take the time to tell you those, they probably just want to help. I understand if those lines piss you off, but try to look beyond what they say and see the good intentions, after all that's what counts imo.
  5. Kraven

    Kraven Guest

    Thanks to everyone who replied. And thanks to you Lynn :)

    Blue Shoes, it really would mean alot to me if what they said actually meant something. But it doesn't. "There is always hope" doesn't apply to everyone, like you said. And I wish they would tell me what the answer is when they keep repeating on and on "Suicide is not the answer"

    Its exactly like this: If a teacher keeps telling you that your answer is wrong, over and over again. And every time you ask her for the right answer, she shakes her head. Imagine how extremely frustrating that would be. Now take life into the equation. See how serious it becomes?
  6. Robin

    Robin Guest

  7. -.-.-.-

    -.-.-.- Guest

    I agree that those two things sound crappy when you hear them and feel so bad. I too haven't always felt there is hope. I've now stopped looking for it because I only get disappointed.

    I try to think that Suicide is permanent and maybe what I'm feeling is only temporary (I don't necessarily believe it, especially after 17 years of it). If suicide is permanent, then I owe it to myself to try everything and anything in an effort to find something that helps. If I suicide now, then all the fighting so far has been pointless and a waste, and it was damn hard so I owe myself the effort to try and fight more.

    If you don't want to live your life, what is it about your life that you don't like? What could you try to do to makwe things better? What avenues have you explored? What avenues could you further explore? etc. Unless you have tried anything and everything before killing yourself, then you haven't done yourself justice and you have fought for nothing so far. You are worth more than to just give up without a fight; hell, to come this far you have obviously fought so hard.

    I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself well at all, but what I'm trying to say is that you can only do something totally permanent when you have only exhausted all other possibilities (which is what I keep trying to tell myself, however hard it is).
  8. blue shoes

    blue shoes Well-Known Member

    I didn't say it applies to anyone. You misunderstood me. All I was saying is that the intention of trying to be helpful and comforting, by telling you those things, is what counts in my opinion. After all, who knows anything really? All we can do is rely on each other and try to comfort each other in this "blurry" world that we can't understand.
  9. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    *This is my oppinion..Yes oppionion..That means its my own personal view on this and I dont expect anyone to agree with it*..

    Sometimes there is no hope for people. You have to believe that things will change for the better. If you dont believe that, then theres no hope. I am one of those people who have no hope for my future. I dont believe that things will change for the better. Sure, I wish they would and I sometimes beg for them to, but I dont believe they ever will.. Its sad, it really is. Deep down I do believe that the bad times cant last forever and eventually things will get better but I cant see that happening in my case..

    Okay, my mind is not wanting to work right now..Its my birthday :(
  10. kittyD

    kittyD Well-Known Member

    I think that when others say "suicide is not the answer" that they mean that firstly its not 'their' answer, secondly that they've seen the results of those that are left or lastly that they are very uncomfortable with the whole concept.
    Just my opinion.
  11. sophie5121

    sophie5121 Well-Known Member

    I agree so much, it drives me mad when people say this
    they say 'suicide is not the answer' i say well what is and they just say i don't know.
    well why say it.
  12. Kraven

    Kraven Member

    Well I guess no one has an answer then. :blink:

    Thats the thing isn't it? I can't find a single reason to keep going. I can't find a single reason why I should keep living. What's the point?
    In every article about suicide they keep saying things like "It'll get better", "Theres always hope", "There's light at the end of the tunnel", "Please hold on"

    Why? Why should I hold on? Whats the purpose? I'll get of this one tunnel, and then enter another one. Its just a vicious cycle. That IS life.

    So why shouldn't I just end it now, when there really honestly is NOTHING more to it than the shit thats going on right now?
  13. sophie5121

    sophie5121 Well-Known Member

    What your saying suprises me how much its the same as what im thinking.
    Theres no purpose in anything, even if things do get better they'll get worse again. Sorry this sites supposed to be for people to help people, me agreeings not much help, but i just feel so simular.
  14. -.-.-.-

    -.-.-.- Guest

    You don't know there will be another tunnel following this one, yes, there might be, but you can't know for sure. You don't know whether or not there is something that could help you just around the corner. Right now you don't feel there is hope but what if at some point you do feel there is hope.

    What was the point fighting this far to give up? It will be a waste if you do. If you carry on fighting and try everything positive you can to help yourself feel better then suicide will always be an option (although hopefully in time it will become an unusable option), but if you die, then there are no more options left.

    What have you tried to help yourself feel better? meds? therapy? changing your life? changing situations? Things like that. Ultimately though, you have to want to help yourself or those things won't work. That can be the hard thing for someone feeling suicidal, finding the motivation to try and help yourself. It's 'easier' to stay where you are, feeling as you are as opposed to using energy to proactively try and get better.
  15. -.-.-.-

    -.-.-.- Guest

    I just wanted to add that yes, life does go up and down, but with the right help and support the highs should get longer and the extreme lows should get less common and less intense. Life will always go up and down, but the downs don't necessarily have to be as awful as things clearly feel for you now.
  16. sophie5121

    sophie5121 Well-Known Member

    Yeah but even when things do get better there always going to get worse. Its just a life full of happyness and sadness but it means nothing because you die and forget everything, there just seems to be no purpose, why live feeling such pain when you don't have to.
  17. -.-.-.-

    -.-.-.- Guest

    True. I understand what you mean.

    Maybe if you found a purpose it might help? I have found that working with neglected and abandoned animals has helped me a great deal because it has given me a purpose and I'm helping beings that have suffered. Could you find yourself a purpose like that? Volunteering? Anything like that, depending on yoru age going abroad and helping build villages/schools/water systems, etc, where needed. Things like that.

    Even now I am deeply suicidal and in awful crisis, but I have that thin shread of 'if I don't help these animals then people at the centre won't do as good a job with them because they don't have as much knowledge as me' (which is true), but it gives me a reason outside myself to keep fighting.

    I know how it feels to have no hope because I was told I was too complex to help and was discharged. Know what I did? I tried to find my own hope, my own way. It's not always successful, but sometimes it is.

    Life is full of ups and downs, but right now you are in a down, in severe pain, but in a true up, that will feel great. The next down will hopefully not feel so bad (especially if you get yourself some [more?] professional help). There is no reason for you to constantly feel so vile, if you keep fighting to feel better. What you are experiencing is an extreme down, but not all downs are extreme, if they were then everyone would be suicidal every time they felt sad, but that is simply not the case.
  18. Kraven

    Kraven Member

    Wow. That is seriously....

    Well, at least now I know that I'm not alone in the way I feel. You seem to feel almost exactly the same way I do.

    And yeah, like you said, what is the point? Nothing matters in the end, we are all going to die one day or the other. Why suffer?

    About things going to get better.
    Let me tell you a few things:

    I used to cut myself, hurt myself on purpose when I was 4 years old to get attention. I never did get any.

    I drew up a suicide plan when I was 12, and intended to go thru with it. I stopped at the last stage, because I didn't have the guts to jump off. My parents found out about the plan, and thought it was a joke

    I tried poisoning myself when I was 15. It didn't work.

    Now I'm 17. And NOTHING has changed. More than 10 years. 10 years of shit.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 4, 2008
  19. -.-.-.-

    -.-.-.- Guest

    I'm sorry you have suffered so much Kraven.

    Can I ask, what have you done to try and improve things for yourself in terms of seeking professional help?

    I can relate to a lot of what you said. I first tried to kill myself when I was 9 and felt awful for ages before that. I'm now 25 and I've not had a break in that time, things have just got worse for me, so I really can relate to how you feel, and even though I am saying all this, I do believe it, but it can be very hard to believe when you feel vile.
  20. sophie5121

    sophie5121 Well-Known Member

    Yeah, i can see you point, having a purpose in life might help me feel better, but im 14 and i have no friends and i live in a crap area, so i don't really have any purpose. I do quite like animals but im alergic to lots, so that wouldn't be any good. Theres no opertunitys ( i cant spell) around here, its just a dump.

    Thats awfull that they couldnt help you, i didnt think that it would be like that, but its really good you did that for yourself, it makes me feel stupid when people pull themselfs through really hard situations when mines probly nothing compared to it.
    I've told nobody about how i feel, well nobody professional, and i wouldn't really want to. Even if not all downs are as extreme, there still downs and why feel them when it could all just be ended.

    Sorry Kraven i'm like recking your post here having a disscussion over it. I totally understand you though. Nothings changed for me either although it hasnt been for quite so long.
    Lifes just so pointless.
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