I have survived a brain tumor. I have survived a near death experience that cost my co worker his life. I have survived the walking out of my wife four years ago. I always thought of myself as a survivor but not now. There is only so much weight so much stress so much disappointment so much of anything that a person can physically go through. 3 more days and my house will be in foreclosure and it will all be over with. I have no one that can loan me 459.00 dollars and social services wont do it either. I had to listen to my son weep because at 14 he has no idea where we will be. This is just to hard for me to take. His mother left him 4 yrs ago and now that the guilt is getting to her I reckon she'll have some time to catch up as he will have to go there to her as bad as he hates her and with good measure for her actions caused all this mess. I am faced with two options and they are not enjoyable but they are the truth. Death is really the only option as that is the only escape from this mess. THere is no other home, no other residence as I am a long term unemployed that has submitted thousands of resumes thousands of contacts trying to find that job that will solve these financial woes has eluded me for two years now. Do I want to die? Do I look forward to ending this life? Yes in some areas I do as I wont have to live with the countless nights of no sleep. No more thoughts chasing me no more of anything just a quiet end to all this turmoil. Four years of turmoil is long and how much more can a man really go through? Option 2 living on the streets. Here I am with everything paid for that has taken yrs to pay for and then it is all gone and I am run out of my home like a stray dog. 20 months left and this place would have been mine deed title and clear. How can I go on? Do I want to forage for food like an animal? If my family and friends wont help me now why should I expect them to when I am down and out. This option is not to work for me and sorry but I just dont have the strength to go through it. My sons will miss me and yes they will take it hard but their mother works against me anyway so coparenting has always been difficult. Nope I have no hope and cannot expect any hope but one thing is for sure I had a good life and I enjoyed what was the good part, however; this part of ongoing stress, worry, just the trying to survive is to cumbersome and too difficult now. I have no reason to live no reason to go on as I have trudged as far as I can now go. The only question is how to do it. I hate myself for allowing myself to get caught up in this mess and I hate myself for what my boys have gone through and I just flat out hate myself. Sorry for the long post and sorry for taking your time as I am just wandering out there in space just taking the time to write this only to delay the inevitable. Wouldnt you know it my phone will not work so calling someone is out of the question and makes me wonder if that is a omen or what.