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Please help, I am alone. What's the point?

#1
Genuine question.

All my life, I've never tried to hurt anybody on purpose. I'm not saying I've never hurt anyone -- that's inevitable -- but I never did it on purpose, never calculated or planned.

Recently, my girlfriend broke up with me. It didn't work out. I put so much love in but it was not enough. She's going to find somebody better and I'll still be alone, because nothing I ever do is enough. I'll be reeling, and bitter, and regretful, and all sorts. It's either that I'm too much, or too little, and I never know what the right amount of anything is.

I have no real friends to speak of. No one I can just talk to. Not about any of this, I don't like that and it can put me in a rut, but just about random things. Life. Games. Friend stuff, you know?

I just wish somebody made time for me. I make time for others all the time. I give so much, yet I barely get anything back. The only person that cares about me, still, is my ex. But she will move on, as everyone has so far in my life, and she will find somebody better. It's painful.

I know -- don't seek validation from others, validate yourself. I've tried so hard, but I just can't do it. I've read a million philosophical rambles, I've tried to be zen, I've tried to be stoic. None of it works, for long anyway. I love to help others, but sometimes I just wish I got at least some of the attention back. I don't think that I'm asking for too much.

I'm tired of this game. I don't believe that the universe has something against me -- but I can't take it, all the same. This is the most miserable summer of my life, where everything I had, everything I thought I knew about myself, has been crushed.

Please, someone help me. I'm at the end of my rope. I cannot carry things on like this. I've been through a lot in my life. I've tried to help. I've tried to be good. Every time I've gotten back up and said, let's go for round two. But I can't take it anymore, I am genuinely drained.
 

Thauoy

Well-Known Member
#3
Hi @dowdyfrosting1998 . Welcome to SF. Here you will find a lot of people who can relate with you. I feel sorry for what you are going through. Think that someone does care about the hurt you feel. Me too single , male 33 years old. Never had any girlfriend in my entire life. Please keep posted and share your feelings. A big hugs to you.
 
#4
Hi @dowdyfrosting1998 . Welcome to SF. Here you will find a lot of people who can relate with you. I feel sorry for what you are going through. Think that someone does care about the hurt you feel. Me too single , male 33 years old. Never had any girlfriend in my entire life. Please keep posted and share your feelings. A big hugs to you.
Thanks. But I'm not even on about a girlfriend, I don't think that's a good thing right now anyway, in the state that I am. I mean anyone at all. A friend. To at least say, I care about you. Because I myself care for so many others, and every single day I have to pretend it's all fine, that it's all okay. I just feel alone, in general.
 

Waves

Well-Known Member
#5
Genuine question.

All my life, I've never tried to hurt anybody on purpose. I'm not saying I've never hurt anyone -- that's inevitable -- but I never did it on purpose, never calculated or planned.

Recently, my girlfriend broke up with me. It didn't work out. I put so much love in but it was not enough. She's going to find somebody better and I'll still be alone, because nothing I ever do is enough. I'll be reeling, and bitter, and regretful, and all sorts. It's either that I'm too much, or too little, and I never know what the right amount of anything is.

I have no real friends to speak of. No one I can just talk to. Not about any of this, I don't like that and it can put me in a rut, but just about random things. Life. Games. Friend stuff, you know?

I just wish somebody made time for me. I make time for others all the time. I give so much, yet I barely get anything back. The only person that cares about me, still, is my ex. But she will move on, as everyone has so far in my life, and she will find somebody better. It's painful.

I know -- don't seek validation from others, validate yourself. I've tried so hard, but I just can't do it. I've read a million philosophical rambles, I've tried to be zen, I've tried to be stoic. None of it works, for long anyway. I love to help others, but sometimes I just wish I got at least some of the attention back. I don't think that I'm asking for too much.

I'm tired of this game. I don't believe that the universe has something against me -- but I can't take it, all the same. This is the most miserable summer of my life, where everything I had, everything I thought I knew about myself, has been crushed.

Please, someone help me. I'm at the end of my rope. I cannot carry things on like this. I've been through a lot in my life. I've tried to help. I've tried to be good. Every time I've gotten back up and said, let's go for round two. But I can't take it anymore, I am genuinely drained.
Hello

I read that compassion is feeling safe in an unsafe world. That resonated with me and maybe you? You want to feel safe Which means valued and loved. So we need to find a world that we feel that in. Can you start with your family?
 

Wispiwill

Well-Known Member
#6
There are lots of people here - most of us have been where you are in some form or other. You can talk here - about anything. And yes, that includes day to day stuff if you want. If you read people's posts - talk to people - maybe you can make some friends. Someone that will help you feel not so alone. I hope so anyway.
 
#7
I relate to a lot of what you said, I'm sorry. It's harder to believe validation from yourself isnt it, seems more real if its coming from someone else. I feel the same, reassuring myself is nowhere near as good as hearing others, its tiring and isolating just telling yourself stuff rather than others helping you. I always feel like validating yourself is harder to accept too cause it feels kinda biased, feels more valid coming from an outside perspective. there's nothing wrong with wanting or needing validation and support and love from others, I'd say that's just normal human nature. I feel like too many people romanticise being alone and validating yourself, yeah it can be empowering and is necessary to an extent, but its lonely as hell doing it for so many years and its nice to not have the burden all to yourself. its so crushing when others dont give you the same back, I've experienced that so much in my life, I'm always the one who loves more and does more and is more selfless and caring etc etc. I would drop everything to be there for someone I love/care about but nobody's ever dropped everything for me when I've been in need.

I'm not surprised you're drained, I hope you can find friends here or anywhere, and that you'll finally have people who treat you the same as you do them, that you deserve
 
#8
Thank you everyone for your replies. It makes me feel a bit better to at least know I'm not the only one. I'm going to try and be more grateful for the things that happen to me, the things that I have, and what people do for me, and to not expect the world from them, especially when they might be going through tough times themselves. And when I go back to university, I hope that I will be able to make some good friends and have a decent time.

Of course I'm still not feeling great but I also want to try and get on with it as much as I can, and keep being a positive influence in other people's lives as much as that is possible.

Again, thank you for your help and I hope that everyone is keeping well.
 

MosesY

Functioning Alcoholic
SF Supporter
#10
You are not alone. I have gone through what you went through. I was divorced, my family is busy, and I find it difficult to make friends. As time went on I made one good friend. I learned to enjoy time by myself. I hope that things start going better for you soon. Keep sharing here; you have friends here that care about you.
 

neutralbuoyancy

stuck in place yet again
#12
Thanks. But I'm not even on about a girlfriend, I don't think that's a good thing right now anyway, in the state that I am. I mean anyone at all. A friend. To at least say, I care about you. Because I myself care for so many others, and every single day I have to pretend it's all fine, that it's all okay. I just feel alone, in general.
honestly dowdy frosting i know how you well minus the gf part i was in this situation last month, where i felt like i was really really depressed and i know its ok to laugh at me for saying this but i turned to my discord not fam because they caused it. i turned there because i had about 4 or so people who i can literally talk to about almost anything and i have stayed up for them from like 10 pm to almost 3 in the morning every time they needed me i out them over my sleep and my eye health. i knee they were different times zone but at the same time i felt like 'oh so i help you all the time, but there isn't anyone for me when i'm in pain?' I have lost my trust in them. when we slowly talked again I felt like i can do life again . my point is somethings go away with time when you come to your realization. honestly i don't know how much of friend I'll be but feel free to hit me up.
 

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