Please help! I have a huge problem!

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Jecie, Dec 13, 2012.

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  1. Jecie

    Jecie Active Member

    Guys, I want to die right now!!

    I just can't do this anymore. I am the most useless, worthless person alive. Nobody can love this. I am sure my husband only stomaches me. He is waiting for me to die. He talks with me in short hard phrases and ignores me otherwise. I guess I deserve it. He deserves freedom. I am actually thinking of a way to die that will look like an accident so he can get my life insurance. That will give him all the money he needs, free him from me and he can finally get that car he wanted. It also removes me from his ears in terms of having kids. It's my own fault. I shouldn't have told him.

    I am so sorry. I am so sorry. I am posting because I know it's my head. What I feel is only a feeling. It doesn't change the anguish. PLEASE I am sorry to intrude, but can anybody tell me something that will help?
     
  2. Jecie

    Jecie Active Member

    And once again, the stunning lack of response proves how little I matter.
    Thanks for having a forum like this.
    Just wish there was someone watching the crisis forum.

    I'll just help myself then.
     
  3. Bitterwood

    Bitterwood Member

    Hey Jecie

    You can probably start by taking a few deep breaths and try to slow your breathing. Relax a bit and try to let go of the pain. I know it's hard or that it might appear it's useless.

    But try and relax. Your main problem right now is that you have too many things piled up and you think there's no escape from the pain anymore. You need to vent. Everybody vents in some way. My techniques vary from screaming, to hitting things, to closing my eyes and breathing loudly, lol. Just try and let go of the stress factors and allow it to wash over you. You'll feel a lot better once the pressure has lessened. In case you get to that point, and i hope you will, just do something to keep yourself busy. While doing that, try thinking about your stress factors again. I'm saying THINK, not feel, or worry too much. Take it slow and think it through. Solutions will present themselves, or at the very least, the pressure will have lessened and you'll feel more relieved.

    Now all that's for the immediate problem. I hope it helped. And you were right, it IS (mostly) in your head :). Don't get over-worried about things that aren't JUST your fault. Try and keep balanced. I know guilt can stack up, not to mention all the other problems you mentioned. I'm not gonna say its easy, or even that i feel what you get through. But what i do know about is how stress, worry, guilt work and how they stack up until you can't take it anymore.

    Your issues are not ALL your fault. So relax and try to take it easy. Don't see pain and problems everywhere because they aren't all real.

    I hope i helped a bit. Take care, and hugs.
     
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Jecie, I'm sorry you're having such a bad time of things right now. Please know that people here do care. I just logged and saw your post now. Please don't do anything to hurt yourself.

    I don't know your situation - why you might think your husband wants to be free of you. You are a human being and deserve to be here as much as anyone else. Perhaps you are doing what I do when I'm depressed, which is reading how people behave toward through a negative filter because I feel so badly already. When that happens, I've even been known to misread good things people say.

    Please let us know how you're doing. I hope you are holding on. Please take care and be safe. :hug:
     
  5. fallingawayfromME

    fallingawayfromME Well-Known Member

    Jesus I too am sorry for how you're feeling. Even though someone may not respond to you right away does not mean you won't get a response. Sometimes it may take a while before your post is noticed but believe it or not you matter. As far as your feeling of worthlessness I think you nailed it when you said it was only a thought. I too have them. When you're down it's hard to see where you matter or who would care if you weren't here. You're not alone. I hope that even though your home life is stressful, and I'm not discounting that, you would know that at least one person would be affected by you not being here. My heart goes out to you, I've been where you are. You have worth and hit life is worth living. Maybe trying to get your husband into therapy with you or going to therapy yourself could be a good start. Reaching out (as you have done here) seems to say you want to be rescued and you do have hope of a better life. As far as your husband getting a car from your insurance money, do you want that to be your legacy? Do you think your husband would care more about his car or about his wife not being around anymore? Your life has more meaning than a car or insurance money. It may be hard to see it now but it does. I may not have the right words to say but I at least wanted to reach out because your post touched me. I'm here if you need to PM.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 13, 2012
  6. fallingawayfromME

    fallingawayfromME Well-Known Member

    I meant Jecie. My iPhone auto complete did that..:)
     
  7. Juan

    Juan Member

    You can talk to me if you want. I promise not to give you cliches, platitudes, or be condescending with you. I offer you this, because this is what I like to be offered. So if you ever feel like just being listened, and told honest opinionsif you care for them, here I am.
     
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