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PLEASE help idk if I should end my friendship with this person, It's too hard... HELP

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Kai Nashi, Nov 25, 2014.

  1. Kai Nashi

    Kai Nashi Well-Known Member

    Today, I sent my friend a message regarding my decision of possibly ending our relationship, here is the message.

    "Im not sure about this but, im not sure if we should be friends anymore. For one think im not a good person im a asswhipe to you and yeah i just idk tbh i said k on purpous becaude i was mad and im a fucking asshole and then i get upset after you say ud say hurtful things to me eventually cutting even tho its my fault but another reason is with you it hurts me alot of stuff about you hurts me like you k ow what cus im a jealous peice of ahit n selfish and maybe if ee wernt friends it wouldnt hurt me as much also i kind of have been laying off liking you for reasons but idek maybe it was cus im desperate er maybe im just losing hope becuase its obvious id never havr you or had a change even tho in 9th grade my hopes were really high but yeah i just get very disapointed in the end always but yeah and it seems like you dont even care about me so even with us not being friends u prob wont even care and this friendship is pretty much fucked last year was sameish but it was great we talked all the time no selfishness and jealousy and we had legit convos good times but now im just oh oh oh idk what to say ud just chabge the topic and with me being all jelous and selfish and we argu all the time this is seriously the same thing me n jess wnet through beginning was great but it slowly went to shit except this lasted longer cus i kind of had high hopes but i also did with jess everythings just goinf to shit seriously and you know dont take this personal or something like dont think i hatr you or against you this just might be better for the both of us its my fault anyways not yours its me and i dont hatr you and i dont want you to hate me for this this might help idk tbh idk if this is what i want im not sure im im 100 percent sure if this is what should be done im just saying you know so dont think im doing it right now im just telling you how i feel this is one of the things thats been stressing me out today all i thought about today was telling you this i dont know if i was but noe i am so yeah but thisnt isnt my final desicion im just telling you and i doubt if it would hurtnyou but if it does im sorry, and even tho i bet ud gey over it it might be better for you too im nothing special anyways seriously im shit to you and itnseems like you dont care much so yeah but remember im not sure what im gonna do yet so yeah..."

    I don't know what to do. I am like the shittyest friend anyone could ever have, well i know theirs people worse but i am pretty bad. I like her. I liked her since 9th grade (in 11th now). right now she has a boyfriend, which used to be my friend but now he is just a painful reminder of everything and al this pain im putting myself through with her and sutff. last year we used to talk all the time like alot it was legit we had legit convorsations about alot of fun stuff i barly complained like i do now like it was great but now we dont chat (messenger on fb) as much and our convos are boring well she does most of the talking and i just reply with "oh" most of the time because honestly shes just gonna keep talking about herself and when im on a convo i like she change it yeah shes pretty selfsih too but i am WAAAAY worse, i actually do the same thing. We also agru all the fucking time about I suppose me and how I want to die and how im ugly and stuff, I disagree with everything she says good about me cus i think shes just saying that i dont even think she cares about me at all after my one friend for like a month told someone about my suicidal problems but with 2 years of this friend knowing nope and when we talk aobut this she changes the subject she doesnt even try to help or confort me she just goes on about her like and then i become an ass about it complainging about her doing that saying that she dont care and such. she dont think im a bad person and she still talks to me even after lal the stupid shit i said and done to her, like telling her if she mentions her bf (which she talked alot about) again ill harm myself and such and we kind of settled that shes no longer talk about him for most of the time because i asked although she brings him up often even tho i asked if she could not BRING HIM UP AT ALL fucking liar.

    idk what to do our friendship is all fucked up because of me i fucked it all up this is the SAME EXACT ThING that happend with another girl i liked, westarted off very good, she had a bf but we started off good but then shit sank and self harmming started to happen because of me wanting her but cant have her and me being so fucking selfish and jealous and right now we no longer talk to echo anymore idk shes been causing me pain although this pain is due to my selfishness and jealousy and so its my fucking fault and im a bitch to her she dont need someone like me im just another typical male asshole which i wish i wasnt but i blame my dad because hes like that kinda he has anger issues and such and i also think im bi polar because ill end up apologizing for what i all did and right after i end up doing it again...

    So, what should I do? idk how im gonna pull it off idk how i can leave im still attatched to her even tho ive kind of dimmed down on liking her of how much of a bitch shes been but im just attached and shes seriously all i have left in like venting and stuff and yeah she knows everythign about me every little detail and our friendships been pretty long this is the same with that other girl i liked she knew me from head to toe and we been friends for a long period of time so idk what to do ide think she cares about me im nothing special im nothing important infact im nothing special or important to ANYONE and will never bee even tho love is all i even want in life but never had, only once for 5 days but thats a diff story...

  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Re: PLEASE help idk if I should end my friendship with this person, It's too hard...

    Hi Kai, interesting read. In my opinion, if this friendship is stressing you, then you need to detach until you are better in yourself. I suggest that have a break from your friend until you are better.

    Please do not have a low opinion of yourself as you are a nice person. You need to stay strong but it will be hard to do. Please focus on yourself and try to remain positive about yourself. Take care.
  3. Jasv

    Jasv Well-Known Member

    Re: PLEASE help idk if I should end my friendship with this person, It's too hard...

    I kind of understand where your coming from. At lease I think I do. I feel like I mess everything up. I become self conscious, because I have no self esteem, but you know what? It's not your fault and your not shit because of that. That girl chose to not care and in my opinion I wouldn't associate myself with someone who doesn't care about me at all, especially when all you do is care. It's not easy to let someone go. I always break off relationships because I don't like being too close to people, but even that is hard at times. People don't change. I used to harm myself a lot and once I had sent my girlfriend a picture. It didn't bring her closer, instead she resented me more. People won't understand what goes on in our head. I agree^^ you have to let her go. If that person makes you feel that way to begin with then it most likely won't ever change. I wouldn't send that letter though. At least I wouldn't. She's not worth the effort, but for whatever you choose. I hope everything works out. Life royally sucks, but you can talk to me about anything, even if you want to say how stupid people are, or anything.