please help if u live in the UK

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by cownes, Aug 23, 2009.

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  1. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    i am being physically and emotionaly abused by my brother and i need help, i have ended up in hospital because of him once before, but i am clueless of where to get help from and am very scared about getting help, if i was to say anything to the police does anyone no what would happen in England?? Im scared of not knowing wt till happen, so if u can help please do!! im desperate, i cant continue like this anymore, :(
  2. Menchi

    Menchi Well-Known Member

    What age are you, and your brother?

    If you've ended up in hospital already, then its pretty likely they will at least take him to the station, and depending on the age difference, in particular if your brother is older (at least 17/18), they may well arrest him formally too... the alternative is that they might instead get the social services involved, to try and protect you from him. You could also go to the social services first, but i would say if it is serious enough that you were in hospital over it, you should be going to the police. You could go into a station and ask to talk to someone there, who would be able to tell you more than we could on here... which might be intimidating, but it will give you more certainty as to what could happen, and what your choices are.

    What i will say is whether its the police or the social services you feel more comfortable contacting, make sure that you do contact someone. Living with that sort of abuse isn't something that you should have to put up with, it is not right that he treats you like that, so something needs to be done for you.
  3. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    hi, im 15 and hes 20, when i had to go to the hospital though i made a cover story up, they did not no it came from him, i just dont no wt to do, :(
  4. Shogun

    Shogun Well-Known Member

    I don't know much about this sorta thing, but I'm gonna give it a shot and try and help you as I can feel your pain.

    You have to do something. What I'd suggest is speaking to your GP (doctor) and telling him/her everything. A doctor is legally forced to keep everything you tell him/her a secret due to patient confidentiality. He/she can advise you without ever forcing you to do something against your will. If you feel your doctor isn't being helpful in this particular matter, change him/her until you get a helpful doctor.

    I don't have any siblings, so I don't understand about family love and unity between siblings, but if he is hurting you then he's being a pretty crappy brother. Brothers are supposed to protect you from hurt, not inflict it. The longer you allow him to do this to you, the more psychological damage it'll do to you in the long run.

    Be strong and seek help. There are anti-bullying hotlines you can ring and I've just found what looks to be a very helpful site on anti-bullying here.

    There's also some interesting information regarding bullying in this thread

    If he's putting you through so much hurt, then you really shouldn't care what ends up happening to him. He deserves everything he gets if you do decide to go to the police, but I understand that is a big step.

    I wish you luck and we're always here if you need to chat. :)
  5. Menchi

    Menchi Well-Known Member

    Then go to the police. That he is your brother makes no difference, he is an adult, you are still a child, and he should not be doing that to you.

    It doesn't matter that you made up a cover story before, just explain to them why (that you were scared of telling the truth), and they will understand. Go to a police station, ask to speak to someone about it there, tell them what has been happening, and they will be able to help you, talk through with you what will happen. I understand that it is going to be a challenge to do that, its not easy to approach the police, but its something that you have to do to protect yourself from that pain he is causing you.
  6. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    does any1 think that if i tell the police that i will end up in care?? or a foster home? as i dont want to leave my mom :( shes the only one in my family that makes me feel wanted, does anyone no?
  7. Shogun

    Shogun Well-Known Member

    Does your mother know about the abuse your brother is putting you through? If not, can't you tell her?

    If your mother is your carer then I don't think they can take you away from her unless she's the one abusing you, which she isn't. The problem lies with your brother and he'll probably be arrested, depending on what exactly he is doing to you. He'll be the one taken away, not you.
  8. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    My mom knows about it, but i think she may be scared of him too,
  9. Menchi

    Menchi Well-Known Member

    If even your mum is scared of him, then it is certainly your brother that is the problem. It will be him the police take action against, and remove from there, so as to not do you any harm. There is no reason for them to send you to a foster home, or put you in to care, if your mum is taking care of you.
  10. Shogun

    Shogun Well-Known Member

    You have to be brave and report him or at least talk to someone about it and get some bonafide advice. A doctor is ideal. But ultimately you need to get him away from you and your mum. Like I said before, the longer you leave this the more psychological damage it will do to you. Try talking to your mother alone and formulating a plan maybe.

    I'm certain you cannot be taken away from your mum over this. It'll be your brother that will be taken away and that is for the best. But it's a delicate situation which is why you need expert advice. Check out the anti-bullying website I posted and try to talk with your GP.
  11. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I agree with all that has been said but want to add one thing.

    By allowing your brother to do this you are allowing his "disease" / "problem" to continue. You are enabling his behavior and cosigning his bullshit. Does that make sense?
    See by there being no consequences to his actions he does not get the help he needs. I am no doctor, well I am but that is something else, but he seems to have anger issues to me.

    Often abuse like this has a family history and it can stop with you and no further pain needs to be inflicted. He will surely do it to others unless he gets help. Maybe a visit from the police is enough but what I worry about is what will happen to you next time? How far will he take it?

    Please be brave and do what you know in your heart to be the right thing and what is best for you and for your brother.

    Love and hugs Bambi.
  12. Shogun

    Shogun Well-Known Member

    It will mould your personality too the longer you allow it to continue. You'll grow up bitter and angry. You might even lash out in the same ways that he does. You have to be brave and put a stop to it.

    I know it's hard, but one act of strength will bring so much reward. It's the right thing to do.
  13. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    he already has shaped my personality, he makes me feel worthless so my confidence seems to have taken a major blow, :( and my feeling of importance, i feel i alomst deserve some of this abuse, i must have done something to recieve it, :(
  14. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    dont blame yourself for his actions. there are bound to be helplines you can call for advice such as childline. you dont have to be a victim. you have the power to stop him. just be brave.
  15. bhawk

    bhawk Well-Known Member

    This is a complicated answer, by no means rely on only my words. Theres several options open to you all depending on age, first most people think of is social services, i do not recommend this one as i tried this too, they listened to me talk then rang the people i told them about and made the situation worse, i never heard from them again. There are charities who will also try help you again depending on age, obvious one is NSPCC, although i still dont believe in them. There are services for young adults, various different agencies, i have friends woh left due to shit at home, they applied for dole, got a bedsit, then got a job and worked there way up to their own accomodation. The way i got away from it all was i took an informal apprenticeship, lived in a caravan on site and worked until i could rent a place. Although it took a lot before i got to that point.
    There are refuges for various things, although unfortunately they mainly focus on women i domestic violence. Again this all depends on age and circumstance.
    If your still in education it can be harder. Although if you are try to keep in it, it cant hurt your chances in future.
    Other options include friends, stopping at friends and sorting it out over the phone, telling everyone, then the backlash may not happen. If it does again its a matter of picking yourself up and doing it again.
    It does depend on so many variables, one thing i do suggest is google, there should be support groups out there with professional advice.
    Sorry i cant help more, ive been in the situation and know the need to get out.
  16. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    i dont no if i have got in it me to do it, i need help, but im petrefied, this is so annoying :(
  17. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    cownes would you like for me to make the call for you?
    I would do it very professionally and include all your concerns.
    Perhaps I could call a relative that may be able to intervene? I know it so very difficult to be victimized and abused and also have to advocate for yourself so would be more than willing to call whomever you decide on your behalf.
    As you can see we all feel very strongly about what is happening to you and so I will do whatever I can for you hun.

    Please let me know what I can do for you!

    Love and hugs from your fellow cat loving friend Bambi!
  18. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I can't add much to what has already been said, but I really hope you take some action. You don't deserve to be abused in any way, and none of it is your fault. Please try not to blame yourself. This is your brother's fault for hurting you, not yours.

    Here if you need anything.
  19. xan

    xan Chat Buddy

    Don't go unheard :sad: You don't deserve to be treated this way, I'm 21 and a big brother to a 14 year old sister, it sickens me that he abuses you. I hope you seek out the help you need and manage to put this ordeal behind you :hug:
  20. Emptysoul

    Emptysoul Well-Known Member

    You should go to the police, tho thats your choice. They will take anything you say seriously and give you help and support need.
    If you can check out your county's police website, there should be some useful infomation on there for you. good luck in whatever you decide x
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