*PLEASE HELP* I'm worried I'll lose her

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by SAVE_ME, Jan 4, 2008.

  1. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    Please help, I know this isn't normal and I really want to nip it in the bud. I know it's ok to feel a slight tinge of jealousy in a relationship, but I'm constantly worrying that I'll lose my gf, or that somebody will take her from me....I don't know what triggered it tho...that's the weird part...I've never been in a relationship before so it's not like I've been dumped or been cheated on in the past.....the more and more I write this, the more and more it sounds like I don't trust my gf.....but I do trust her! I love her with all of my heart! It's "them" I don't trust...what if they get too close to her? So close that she just gives in and starts having feelings for someone else?

    I can't talk to her about this cause then she'll think I'm a control freak and it WILL push her away...but it's often triggered when someone starts getting really friendly with her...like this one guy I know....out of all of us, he always seems to be picking on her and poking the most fun at her....and today he asked to see her myspace account, even tho he does NOT have one himself.....the thing is, my gf seemed to enjoy the attention she was getting....sometimes I just wanna fucking punch this guy, but then I've never been one to start a fight....what do I do tho?!!! It's driving me insane!! And it's making me sick with anxiety! I really constantly fear losing her! In fact, it's become more than a simple fear! It's a phobia! A mania even! An obsession!

  2. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member


    This is tearing me up inside, and I know that if I don't learn how to deal with it now then it will just continue to get worse. I know possessiveness and jealousy lead to abuse, and I don't fancy myself ending up like that at all!

    CRUSHED Well-Known Member

    There you go, you said it your self. It's good that you are aware of this, and don't want to be that kind of person:biggrin:. What I think you should do is to give her more attention, make her feel like she is the center of your world. Give her what ever she needs and more. Give her more love the way she would like and accept.

  4. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    The thing is, I do that - too much at times. I would do anything for her. I would take a bullet for her, spit blood, and I've even put her ahead of my own family...but she seems bored with me these days, like whenever I try to be romantic with her she just changes the subject...I get nothing beyond a "yeah, me too" or "I feel the same way". What's even more worrying is that she hasn't even told her parents or close friends about me. We've been a couple for 5 months now, and they don't even know I exist! :WTF: Do I not mean that much to you that you have to hide me from them?!....I know she hasn't always been like that, just these past few months, she's changed. Is that supposed to happen? Do people just get tired of their SO's? Sometimes I think it's because I'm smothering her and need to back off and give her some space, but then when she's talking to other ppl she seems more talkative around them.

    I've asked her why she's been distant, twice now, and she says everything's fine, which I believe, but there has to be a reason she's like this with me? Could it be that she's just not the romantic type? Could it be me smothering her like I mentioned before? Sometimes it's like trying to get blood out of a stone.

    I miss the way she was at the start of our relationship, the way she'd randomly tell me she loved me (without me saying it first)...the way she'd talk about the future with me...and other things, which I don't think she'd want me to share :giggle:

    Part of me wishes that, somehow, she comes across this and reads it. I love her and all, with all my heart. I just feel like I give more than she does sometimes...

  5. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Maybe, and maybe. Or, it could be another reason.

    You've been together 5 months, how long has she been distant? Did it happen at a particular time? Maybe when this other guy got on the scene? Perhaps the "honeymoon" period of your relationship is already over and maybe she is getting a tad bored OR it could be the opposite way and she feels so completely comfortable with you, maybe she has relaxed. Do you do much together? I mean, do you go out to the movies, take her out for a meal, cook lunch, buy her little gifts etc? Maybe that "spark" in your relationship needs to make a comeback.

    You do need to relax a bit, though. Your constant worrying over your relationship is going to drive you crazy and will most likely end up making an impact on your relationship one way or another - it already is, somewhat, you getting anger feelings over this guy. Maybe she does like the attention she gets off him but it doesn't mean she's going to jump into his arms.

    I don't see you feeling better about your relationship until you have a serious talk with her. Ask her if she's happy in the relationship and how she feels about it. Maybe say to her you have realised she isn't as romantic as she used to be and ask if there's any reason in particular why.

    I hope things work out for you both. :) :hug:
  6. dagnar

    dagnar New Member

    This reminds me a bit of my relationship, except from the other side. My girlfriend compains about how I always seem more talkative and happy and smile more around other people at school than I do with her; she is extremely jealous and dislikes all my female "acquaintances" (I don't think she'd like me calling them "friends", and anyway I spend too much time with her to have time for friends...)

    When she asks me about this I never really can give an answer; I'm not unhappy with her, and I like talking to her, so it is definitely not a conscious action on my part to be distant with her or whatever.

    However, I think there is definitely some truth to that t-shirt that says "how can I miss you if you won't go away?" Now this is an extremely mean way to put it, and it's not that I want her to go away or anything, but if we were to see less of each other I have no doubt that I would cherish more the moments we do spend together. I too miss the excitement at the start of our relationship.

    I hope my random story can give you at least some perspective of the other point of view (not saying this is how she feels, could be just me). :)
  7. poison

    poison Well-Known Member

    it's a fairly common feeling. i'm struggling with the same thing. what is the reason that you're afraid you'll lose her? i always blamed my g/f's stunning beauty and my ugliness.
  8. D3ath

    D3ath Well-Known Member

    I Really think you should talk about it to her, i think you might actually be pleasantly suprised. I been in your position before, i know what it feels like i suggest telling her how you feel. It worked for me she assured me i was being stupid and she thought it was actualyl nice that i was being jealous because it showed that i cared. I told her how much she meant to me and she let me know she felt the same.

    I always beleive honesty is the most important thing in a relationship, if you cant even share how you feel with her, maybe its not the right relationship.

    When ever you feel jealous remember SHE PICKED YOU, your the one going out with her.

    I hope i helped, and good luck with what ever option you choice. Just make sure you do something because it will only get worse :(.
  9. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    What D3ath said. Honesty is always the best policy when it comes to relationships, especially when uncertainties about your partner are involved. Leave them long enough and they spread and mess you up. Talk to her.
  10. tesseract

    tesseract Well-Known Member

    come on, your a Seether fan, why would she leave you?:tongue:
  11. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    eeeeeek. You'll have to sort out your insecurities mate. Fact is there's no guarantee she'll stay with you, but if you work on improving yourself, there's more chance she will. But it sounds like you've placed a lot of dependence on her and your relationship, which is not good. For what it's worth and you might hate me for saying this, I don't think it's necessarily healthy to be in a relationship if you have this level of insecurity, it's far more important to be happy with yourself.