please help me die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by An Angel in Black, Mar 2, 2008.

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  1. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    not only did i manage to lose my friend, whom i fell in love with, but she doesnt even believe me that i loved her...i mean, its horrible, at that my father is yelling at me more telling me is willing to bet i wont have a job longer than 2 months...yeh, thats how much he believes in me, he is nervous when i drive, has no faith ill keep a job, and hates me.. at that ive lost someone really important to me..i feel like shit.. <mod edit: bunny - against the rules>
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 3, 2008
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please Angel, don't hurt yourself. Agnes would have wanted you to keep on living. I've been talking with her brother Eric, by sending emails to Agnes's old msn email. It might help if you talked to him. Let him know that you loved his sister right up until the very end. I promised Agnes that I would help keep you safe. Please stay safe Angel. :hug:
  3. nagisa

    nagisa Chat & Forum Buddy Staff Alumni

    No one here will give you methods, Angel... you know that.
  4. mrclean4456

    mrclean4456 Member

    i feel for you...did Agnes actually go thru with it? thoughts and prayers are with her family
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    We will help support you in life hun, but not in finding methods. Prove to your dad that he is wrong. You can last longer than 2 months at a job. As for your friend, you can only be you and if they choose not to believe you ist is an issue they have. You know in your heart what is the truth. Someday they might see their errors and come back around. Don't give up hun. take care and stay safe. :hug:
  6. nagisa

    nagisa Chat & Forum Buddy Staff Alumni

    .... you aren't even giving the whole story, Angel.

    Oh, and BTW ... I'm the person he is talking about.
  7. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    im telling sorry dave i should have specified...ive fallen for usahana and she doesn treally feel the same way, we ended up not talking to eeachother...y do i fall in love so easily? what the hell is wrong with me?
  8. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    I will help you LIVE. Stay with us. We care about you. :hug:
  9. nagisa

    nagisa Chat & Forum Buddy Staff Alumni

    Angel, I'd really prefer it if you didn't speak about me on SF. A lot of people know already what's happened from the thread in News and Announcements. You don't have to keep posting stuff about it for the whole world to know, Angel. I'm trying very hard to move past it and I think you should try the same. This affects me as well, you know....
  10. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    having loved and lost big time myself i know how you feel but now is the time to move on not just for yourself but for agnes too.
    what happened has happened and i doubt anything you say or do will change that but i am sure that she would rather you live on and learn to love someone else than die.
    suicide isnt the answer my friend as this will only hurt the ones you love more than you could possibly imagine.

    its hard yes, can you do it? you are sitting there think no, but i have been there and yet i have, no correction, i am trying and winning that battle.

    it can be done.

    but if you actually love her then you will do as she wishes and not drag stuff onto sf, and you will find a place to be to allow you both to move on with your lives.

    take care
  11. You want to die? Me too I want to die. Everybody in this forum also wanted to die but I can't help you. You'll get over it.
  12. Mortem

    Mortem Well-Known Member

    I dunno... it would be a pity if you opted out after struggling your way through so much. Kill me if I'm wrong but you seem quite emotionally imbalanced at the moment. I'm guessing your father is one of the major culprits. Try to focus on a job and putting some distance to your father, shut everything else out.

    I'm pretty sure you know this already tho, sure ain't as easy as it sounds.
  13. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    i know ive been through a lot but theres a breaking point where u just have to say, this is the last straw.. i have panic attacks all the time and i freak out very often, and i know other poeple have it worse, thats the thing...i sicken myself even taking up space for breathing, theyre all strong and are gonna make it, and i cant fight, im too scared to do anything.<Mod Edit - Do NOT ask for methods>
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 10, 2008
  14. Mortem

    Mortem Well-Known Member

    Well, ultimately the call is yours Angel. But just because you feel the way you do doesn't make you less worth as a human.
    Sure you're absolutely right, you're very self-aware, there are people stronger... but there are also people who are weaker.
    If you've really given it your everything and suicide seems like the solution. Then what does anything matter really? Too scared to do anything? Nothing to be afraid of if you're gonna go anyway, so you might as well give things another try before you do so. The result or what happens won't matter anyway right.

    Terribly sorry for the mood in this post, it's ok if you wanna hate me for it. I hope you see my point tho.
  15. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Wrong with you angel? You just have such a big heart and so much love to offer. Nothing wrong with that. And it sounds like there isn't too many people in your "real" life that are ready to accept that love (ie your Dad, and I assume most of your family). Sweetie, you are a wonderful person, just try not to let your heart lead your head so easily. I only say this because I care and don't want you to keep getting hurt becuase of a powerful emotion such as love. When the right girl has come into your life, you will have so much to offer her, and all that love you hold now, will finally have a place to stay.
  16. Trident

    Trident Active Member

    Hello Angel,

    Your post has touched me for many reasons.
    You feel very lost and Ive been there, its a great toll and every day can be seen as a struggle against yourself, your mind, your instinct survival, every basic act of ur life. Im not sure to fully understand the situation about your love life, all I can say is that Im sure my brother would not want me off.
    I was suicidial when I was younger and he was there as much as he could, which meant he could not be here. Still, now that hes gone, I do not think he would want me to take his steps.
    I sometimes am overwhelmed by my grief and sadness and my suicidial past since his death. Still i try very much to hold on.
    I also want to stress that suicide cannot be seen as one of your solutions as once your gone, your gone. I wont learn you this but we dont realize that the pain we feel will must likely not to be felt again of course, but then, whats left. No THING. NOTHING. Im NOT sure thats what you really really want regarding how much you try to be in love and build up a relationship.
    You will not have one when dead. seems stupid as a reminder, but yes we are too taken by our own desperate thoughts sometimes until the point to lose the very basic things we strive for. Love and self esteem in your case- but i might be very wrong and I apologize if so.
    Apparently, your father has been a great problem regarding your depression. I do not know you but you have to work on this. Its tough though when you dont have that strenght to try to work these things out but unlike you do not want to change the facts, the facts will not change.

  17. Only1?

    Only1? Active Member

    You need to stop living a life online, and start to look for things to work for you in the real world.

    I have watched the whole thing with you and agnes, and I cant quite believe that not within a month youve fallen for another sf member. Is that what love is? just moving from one to the next? Not in my book. I would have had to take a bit longer about it than that.

    And also, can you really love someone online? I think the word/meaning of the word love is being taken rather lightly here.

    Its not worth dying over, patience is a wonderful thing, stop wanting love so much and it will suddenly find you. and will hopefully be the real thing that lasts.
  18. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    What proof do you have for this? There is, in fact, logical reasons to believe in an afterlife, that I won't mention here, but I've mentioned about it in other threads.

    To the original poster... I'm sorry for the situation you've ended up in, but I don't think you should see it as a reason to kill yourself. You still have the chance to find a girl, I'm sure. I've been in the situation of unrequited love, as well, and while I know it doesn't feel like it will get better, you will, sooner or later, come to the realisation that it's not impossible that it can. Break-ups are a completely different story, though, that I will not comment on, here.
  19. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    maybe thats a little harsh.... :$ i mean, i dont know, maybe i just want someone to run to when things get really hard, someone to hold me, protect me, love me.. maybe my love is selfish.. after all, i want to be loved so badly that maybe im just desperatly looking for it.. i dont know why i cant be normal like everyone else. i sometimes wish i like i had normal parents that were proud of me, but what have i done to be proud of? a matter of fact im the biggest dissapointment for a child ive ever known anyone to be.. all i do is mess things up and make them worse.. not only in everyone elses life but mine too.. i dont see how the wonderful members of SF even put up with me.. theyre all so wonderful, thank you everyone.. lol i dont see how im still being put up with here or anywhere else.. im one of those people that the world would better without.. i really am.. i feel like going just because im sooooo suicidally depressed.. my parents dont know and i dont want them too incase i ever need to overdose i can go somewhere and not be found.. i sincerly doubt i would be missed by anyone, the worst part is i know theyre people with 1000X the troubles i have and all i do is whine.. i dont get it at all.. why im the way i am..i see all of the wonderful people around here and in the world, and wonder why i cant be one of those.. i have a heart, i have feelings, i cry, i love.. y cant i be one of those wonderful people? why cant i have a star that shines in the sky? theres billions of stars but i dont see mine anywhere.. like im meant not to have one.. im soooo depressed and am already suicidal.. i have been since i was a kid, i held knives up to my stomach, neck, held a gun to my head. and not too long ago tried agian.. im so depressed right now im covered in misery.. nothing but pain, agony, dispair, long drug-on torture, panic attacks, lots of headaches, worry, anxiety..everything..its so miserable. im crying right now as im writing this.. i just dont feel like going on..i feel like my time is getting closer..soon.very soon.. ill be where i belong..somewhere away from here. somewhere i can be at peace..surrounded by love..soon..
  20. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    thank you sweetie.. i love but the lotion im a big crybaby..:tongue: my heart has always come before my head, probably why im in a couple of situations but i always hear follow your heart, and i have. but recently things have gotten worse and worse. and i notice how in my family im the only one like this..i have noone that will truly understand me.. i want to die so badly. i want to be able to go one day without crying, without worry. but thats not gonna happen, its just my time..:unsure: its getting so close. and instead of joy or calm im even more scared than i was scared, i wish i knew i was loved by my mom and dad, i wish they loved me. i wish they would hug me, tell me that every now and then, the only thing i ever hear is how badly im fucked up. but i am, someone being proud of me is something ill never see. and dont expect too, ever. nor being loved, i havent heard an i love you in so long. an, everything is gonna be ok. since i was just a kid. as i got older i knew i had to shut myself off more. my parents have too many troubles of their own to worry about me. i look at all the millionaires in the world, people that chased their dreams, people like the ones i find here, that are wonderful, i can see where theyre loved. theyre so wonderful, but im not. i have not gone a night without crying in months. things get worse and worse. :sad: im starting to punish myself harder and more often, even if i forget something or if i dont get something from the store my parents just thought of, i blame myself. i punish myself for everything. i need to apologize for being me. i really do. the world has had enough of me, ive hid behind so many smiles im tired of it, i just want to go, i want to die. im sooo miserable and it hurts so badly. im sorry..:sad:
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