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Please help me find a reason to stay alive..

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Gigi, Feb 15, 2013.

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  1. Gigi

    Gigi New Member

    I will keep it as brief as possible.
    i was 17 i have brain damage that makes me have the mind of a 14 year old
    i had a bad childhood and always felt like wanting to die,i felt like there was no hope and my life had no meaning
    i felt like that all my life,and still do.
    okay now i will keep this brief because its too painful
    i was raped multiple times by a man but he continued to constantly verbally mentally and insult me harshly,tearing mind to shreads (even beat me sometimes)
    i was young and scared i couldnt understand why this was happening to me,i got mixed into drugs and alcohal because of him (im clean now)
    he got me into bad trouble and he went to jail,but the harrassment didnt stop i finally came clean to my mom and we had him thrown in jail for what
    he did to me..but now i face court-dates and so much fear of everything,the harrassment wont stop. He's in my nightmares,i cant sleep at night
    i can barley eat,think,or control my moods. I'm so horribly depressed and feel theres no reason that i should even exist anymore..
    I don't believe in God. I don't believe in anything,The only thing i believe in,is that there's just. No. Hope.
    Can somebody please help me..?
    I feel like such a burden in this world and just want to die..
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Gigi hun you are not a burden hun I am glad your mother hun is helping you put this person behind bars where he will not harm anyone again. Hope you can get some councilling hun
    to help you heal to help you deal with court cases coming up You hun did good reach out here I hope you keep reaching out ok There is hope hun there is i know you don't believe it right now but things will change with therapy and supports hun you can win. Don't give up ok hugs
  3. guage

    guage Well-Known Member

    Hi sweetie, I know some what of how you feel , but if at one point you had the strength to stand up and have him locked up I know you have the strength to face him in court. You have lived with enough fear because of this shitbag. So tell them in court what kind of shitbag he his , scream it if you have to. You have already dealt with the worst of it, now it just how you will cope with it. It seems that you are strong enough to turn this around. When you told your mom, what did she do? It seems that she did everything that she could. So you mustn't give in to despair. I hope I i might have helped giving you at least a little more courage so that you can live freely and not let that shitbag have even one more second of influence over you .

    If you think that I am just saying words of comfort its kinda true, but mostly they are words from experience I lost the internal fortitude a very long time ago. But if you read my threads you might see that you are not alone in these tribulations and I wish that you take good care of yourself and not give in to the obstacles of the court system.

    I'm really not the best person to give advice, but I hope that it has helped. From what I can tell this is one hell of a badass community, I have not seen one person judge, it censor any one. So if you ever need to talk I am positive that you will make some friends in here, that will give you their shoulder when ever you need it, including me. Best wishes and keep the strength.
  4. lostnalone

    lostnalone New Member

    Sorry you are going through such a hard time, that is a lot to go through and deal with but trust me there is always an end to every heartache. I suggest you find something that makes you happy even if it is a puppy or as simple as a hike or something, just something to distract you from how you feel..
  5. I'm sorry that these things have happened to you. There can be a lot of positive ways to cope with the feelings you're having and the nightmares. I can give you some positive coping methods if you'd like. Be strong and know that he can't hurt you know. He's in jail and you're out there. Don't let him take any power away from you by holding on to what he did and being scared. I know that sounds hard but it'll help. Control your life. Don't let what he did manipulate you and keep you from living your life. I'm here if you need me, hun <33
  6. Mercedez

    Mercedez Banned Member

    i was 9 when i was molested . by a close family member and it still haunts me till this day . shes not in jail . she fled from canada before the police could get to her . Im so sorry you sweet angel that that happened to you and im here to talk xo
  7. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    Hiya sweetie
    I am soo sorry to read what i have seen in your post you must be feeling like dogs shit right now hugs to you.
    is there any out there you can call who can help you deal with the court and facing him etc, are you in touch with a councellor or someone specialises is sex crimes. Please reach out to your community teams/mental health and seek as much as support as possible. You are alone in feeling like, I have been through a similar ordeal myself. Hugs stay strong
  8. Morisha

    Morisha Active Member

    There Is always a reason to stay alive,believe me.
    Sometimes life appeals as bad but It will get better with time!
    Believe me and think about your loved ones. What should they do without you ?

    Is there a place you really love in your hometown ? Go out for a long LONG walk and take water with you and so you can think about EVERYTHING.
    After you came back from the walk,you'll feel already better so you can start making a Plan.

    Call a therapist and have a talk with her as well.

    I wish you the best,sweetie! Stay strong because YOU CAN BE STRONG!!!

    INFERIOR LADY Active Member

    Hey Sweetie you are NOT a burden. I am so SORRY this happened to you! Please continue to live for yourself. Find things you love to do and do them everyday. Do NOT live for anyone but you! Live to please yourself everyday. Please do NOT consider suicide! May I please suggest you purchasing a non leathal weapon for self defense such as a kubotan or pepper spray against your attacker? Please you do DESERVE to LIVE! So please do LIVE! :concern:
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