Please help me. I am having a nervous breakdown. No friends. No one to talk to

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by sabbathcat12, Aug 23, 2016.

  1. sabbathcat12

    sabbathcat12 New Member

    Hello this is my first time posting and I don't know exactly how to begin. I am a 36 year old female, people say I look 25-26 I think I am having a nervous breakdown, I've struggled with depression and anxiety since I can remember but I was diagnosed at 20. I used to selfharm and I've attempted suicide lots of times and I have been on a psych ward three times. I had a stillborn baby 5 years ago and I am divorced. The death of my baby has taken an incredible toll on me, I no longer believe in god and I've been diagnosed with PTSD and I can't be around babies as a result I've lost a lot of friends since all of them started to have kids and they became uneasy because I haven't been really able to "get over it" I don't have ANY friends just a coworker who I consider my friend but she's leaving the country soon. I don't have anyone to talk to. I have a boyfriend but he constantly lies to me and I haven't been able to leave him because I love him and I am scared to be completely alone. He has been the first and only guy that is pretty much like me. We have or we used to have lots of things in common. And I hold on to that. I can't tell him how I feel, his ex girlfriend is this ray of sunshine always positive and I am so dark and broken. I feel like no one wants to be around me. I used to have two friends but they just used me and when I need them they're always busy so I stopped talking to them. My family has never really understood me, I live with my parents both elderly so I can't talk to them or rely on them anymore if something happens to me like if my car breaks down or I need a ride I can't call them. I feel so lost its hard for me to do anything at all. I've been crying all day and I feel I can't walk or swallow. I don't want I don't think I can kill myself because I'm scared I won't be able to see my daughter. There's nothing more I want that to be with her. I want to see her. I feel as if I don't exist anymore. I live in a country that is very close minded and i don't have anything in common with most people I listen to metal and 80's stuff and dress different from almost everyone here. I've never fitted in. I have been very lonely most of my life and I don't know anybody that has the same mental illness as me. People make fun of me and call me "dark and emo". In everyone's eyes including my family I have just one emotion: bitterness and anger. There's nothing more far from the truth; I am sad, I am alone, I need someone to listen to me or just give me a hug, I need someone to ask me how I am or to notice that I'm slipping away. Even one of my therapists told me once that he knew that eventually I would kill myself. I have been told that I am beautiful (I don't see myself like that) and that I am very smart. I don't feel that way, I feel ugly, fat and dumb... and old. Everyone seems to avoid me. I am a nice person and extremely empathetic. People even makes fun of me because I feed the stray dogs and cats I find. I can't seem to fit anywhere and if that hasn't happened by now it won't ever happen. Please help me, please I can't take it anymore and my parents see me crying and they never ask me what's wrong. I don't exist anymore and I am scared that if I kill myself they won't even notice. Please be kind. And I'm sorry if my English is not the best. Its not my first language.
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. I understand you are hurting but we are here for YOU. I know you hurting and you no listening. Far from it as we at SF do understand what you are going through as some of us suffer daily and we support each other in our own struggle.

    We care about YOU as life is important and that's MEANS YOU as well. I know it's hard when others make harsh remarks and it causes you unexpectedly hurt. Please try your best to ignore these remarks. I know this a brief reply but please reconsider any thoughts you as we care.

    Please keep posting and most important be safe. Please take care. We are here for YOU. I can sense that you cry but that's ok as it releases the hurt you feel. Let the tears roll down as it will easy any emotional distress you are currently feel.

    If you want to talk then please PM anytime. We are here for YOU as we want to share your pain.
  3. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hey Sabbathcat, welcome to the forum. You're going through a rough time and facing some difficult problems. You're obviously a good and caring person, feeding animals is something I do too. I don't understand why your therapist would say something as stupid as they did. You can and will get better. Are you being treated for your PTSD and depression? Maybe a new therapist would be something you could consider. Also, possibly seeing your doctor and getting some medication might be helpful at this point.
    Even though you feel alone, please realize you're not anymore. The people on this site have and are going through similar problems, thoughts and feelings and they will support you in whatever way they can. I wish I could take away your pain but we both know that's not possible. I do understand how dark depression and anxiety can make you feel.
    Keep posting and get to know the people here and be gentle with yourself, you are a good person and we care.
  4. taniababy

    taniababy Member

    Hi Sabbathcat,

    I'm so sorry that you are in pain. Losing your baby may seem to have 'pushed you over the edge'. I lost my first daughter over 36 years ago when I was a teenager but her spirit is with me everyday and this gives me such strength. Have you visited a medium, this could really help - please consider exploring this if you haven't already. You must be a good person if you care about defenceless animals.
  5. moxman

    moxman I am proud to call Rosie, my best friend =) Forum Pro

    Hello, my friend. I hope you are doing well.

    PM/IM anytime you want to chat ok.

    I care for you and I care about what you are going through. Your not alone anymore, you have me =)

    Take Care Sweetheart
  6. Enfys2824

    Enfys2824 Member

    Hi Sabbathcat
    You are dealing with an awful lot at the moment, it's not surprising you are struggling. Can I ask if you have ever considered bereavement counselling? It sounds as though your feelings of loss are very raw for you and it might help it you could talk to someone about them.

    There is nothing wrong with being different from other people. You are kind, considerate, thoughtful, caring - all qualities that make you a unique and lovely person, the world would be a poorer place without you, so please try to hold on to whatever small bit of hope you have and believe that you can get through this dark time. You have taken the first step by posting on here. Keep reaching out and talking to us.
    moxman likes this.