Please help me, my life is falling apart...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SHAKES250, Apr 2, 2012.

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  1. SHAKES250

    SHAKES250 New Member

    I am feeling so depressed these last two years and its mainly about school. I feel so worthless all the time, and I know this is how people feel about me. A worthless irrosponsible person. I have always been trying to improve myself, trying my hardest at everything I do; work and relationships. I consider myself a hardworker but sometimes I feel that my hardwork never pays off, i alway's fail no matter how hard I try. I have always kept telling myself that I can do better or I should work harder, but most of the time I end up in failure.

    All I keep hearing from teachers is how irresponsible I am. I was called to the guidence office one day for improvement credit school and she made me feel really badly about myself.

    I DO try to be more responsible but I always forget things here and there, whether it comes to writing numbers words or speaking. I do try to improve myself, but I always end up messing up I don't understand why I'm so careless. I always get the you're ugly, you're stupid things from my family. I have very bad commuunication, I've always had this though I've never been diagnosed. Even though I was born and raised here, I have trouble with comminication and English. My mom is always telling me im stupid because I can't speak our native language and neither can I speak English well. I have tried to improve but I always end up sounding socially awkward, I try to smile or start a conversation but people just make fun of me or ignore me. I don't have support from anyone, I dont have a social life, nobody to talk to for help or support so I've been battling these thoughts in my head for the past 2 years. Trying to stay strong and get better, but I'm at my limit and I cannot do it anymore....

    I feel so worthless and stupid, I feel ill never survive the real world why not slowly end it now. I've always been given that "your not gonna make it anywhere" speech, im so tired of it. I have zero social life, I cannot see the physciatrist, i cannot get help from the school. My last resort was going to the internet because i am stuck in this helpless situation.. My parents work their butts off for me and my education and all i can do is fail at everything, we don't have much money and although my dad is old and sick he works his butt off for a better education for us. He has spend NUMEROUS amount of money on tutors, extra help, and whenever I need help on my school he will do whatever it takes to help me though he is suffering. It pains me to see my parents do soo much for my education with the little they have and then seeing thier efforts go to vain because of my horrible marks. If can't even get good marks for university despite my efforts and his, what else do I have to live for if I don't get accepted to university besides shame and guilt?I'm already in redoing grade 13, It will be very shameful both to me and my parents if I have to do grade 14. Just feel like ending it if I don't get accepted...
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...I think sometimes, we do not look at what we can do...I know for me, I am an expert at knowing my faults and terrible at looking at any clique response, used to be "there are none", but when looking deeper, I found that was not said 'you try hard', that is an attribute, and I am sure tehre are others...welcome again and please continue to post and let us know what is going on for you
  3. toshi

    toshi Well-Known Member

    Hi. It really seems like you're trying hard and people around you aren't giving you a break. That's so hard. You DO matter and you are matter what it may seem ... just please hang in there until it proves to be true. Keep talking about what you're feeling - it's never good to hold it in for too long. Do you like to do any extracurricular activities outside school that makes you happy? Sports? Music? Chess? Computers? Everyone needs to be around people who share their interests and makes them feel good.
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