My biggest fear is that I'll not be successful if I try to end my life - NOT simply ending my life. I've considered so many possibilities...<Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>. But in reality, I'm so very alone, that no one will know i've done anything for quite a while anyway so in reality I'll probably be more successful than i think. I wish I were strong enough to carry through with it. I read about the suicide signs, and the only one that doesn't apply to me is substance use or abuse. It's been so long since I've felt this way. It's gotten worse and worse since I've not been able to find work. Every rejection is like a dagger and confirmation of how worthless i am. I know there are people who feel worse...who have less...who are less educated...who are less fortunate. But it hurts so badly. It really is all my fault.