Please help me, young boy feeling like jumping off the face of the earth! :(

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Phillip, Apr 11, 2012.

  1. Phillip

    Phillip New Member

    I'm at work typing this, I managed to drag myself to work after such a terrible night. Here's the story.

    About a week ago I was assaulted, this is kind of irrelavant but Rachael was there the whole time. She made me feel safe and phoned an ambulance and told me everything was going to be alright.

    Since the assault I have been scared to leave the house even to go to the shop, but when I was with Rachael it didn't matter. I wouldn't have a problem leaving the house.

    Rachael, was my girlfriend for about 1 year and 3 months. Recently she decided to go to my friends caravan without me as I couldn't be bothered. That's where it got wierd, I phoned her asking her to come back but she said no she will later.

    Anyways I ran from my house down to the caravan and begged her to come back home but she didn't after crying infront of my 2 best friends and Rachael I finally left them. Then the next day Rachael came to talk to me, I found out that my supposed to be "Best friend" had tried touching rachael and she was scared and she told him to stop. Since then we have been okay, she made it up to me and I love her so much I forgave her for not comming home and worrying me so much.

    Last night she told me she gave my other "Best friend" a hand job in the caravan after I cried my eyes out begging for her to come back.

    She's the only real girlfriend I've ever had, and now we have split up I have no one. I don't have my friends anymore, I don't have any friends I'm not really close to anybody and I have no one to talk to other than my mother but she doesn't really understand.

    I'll miss rachael so much, I'll miss her amazing family and I'll miss feeling happy and safe.

    Now that we've broke up and I have no one, I feel like killing myself. I can't talk to anybody and I have a boring job, I'm not motivated to do anything and I feel ugly, scared and self concious. I feel like a smelly tramp, I feel like if I did things differently everything would be ok. The thing is I love her so much and I let her throw me around because I don't want to be alone.

    Please guys, talk to me your all I've got. Ask me questions and stuff please.
  2. AC21</3

    AC21</3 Member

    Wow. you and me are right there in the same boat pretty much. she dumped me too. and she was the light of my world and my technically "best friend" that i had. she was always there for me and just recently also she completely blocked me out of her life. as for the moment, i can't say if what i am typing is helping you or not bc i am pretty much whacked out of my mind as it gets for me also. i googled suicide and what were the best and cleans and fastest ways. i meant i was ready to go through with it. and honestly i dont know about you but for me i'm going on "hope" for me now that one day she will come back to me and realize that i was the best for her out there. i care and worry and love her more than anyone else in this world can. and i definitely mean it. i put her as my #1 priority above everything else. and that should mean something bc i personally didnt care what happened to my family as long as she was there. she made other things not important. she made time go by so quickly and we always had fun when we were together. i cant say though if she has done things to cheat on my physically but i know she has cheated on my emotionally and by flirting with other guys. but i still love and care for her. and do i still contemplate suicide and just ending life as i know it? yup you betcha but like i said i am going on hope. you at least have your mother to talk to. i have no one to talk about how much pain and agony and suffering she is putting me through. and to make things worse we go to school and work together. and she jeopardized my job so now i'm suspended until further notice and i'm very very alone. and she hasnt blocked you in any way. mine changed her number, blocked me on facebook, deleted her email. so how am i to even at least contact to even talk to her. she basically just threw me off to the side of the road man. and ya i know it hurts so much.....but think of it this way, you're better off than i am right now