Please help me!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mar87, Dec 12, 2006.

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  1. mar87

    mar87 Guest

    Hi people:smile:

    I feel so sick, my body and my mind. I don't no wat te do anymore?

    Maybe it sounds weird but I am going to tell it:

    I think there are cameras in my room, I can't see them, but I think people are watching all day long. I am getting so sick of the thought.

    I think that people experimenting on my body, a secret service or something.

    I know it sounds weird, but I have this thought a coplle of months now.

    My shrink gave me pills, first 1 kind off pill, but I got a reaction on the pills my head and my body was shaking so bad that I had to go to the Hospitol.

    I wanted to stop with the pills, but I had to use them, now I got new pills from the doctor. But My body doesn't feel goed with it, i feel realy sick because of the pills.

    I don't now what to do anymore. I have this weird thoughts all day long, I can't life with it, it's so hard.

    Maybe somewhone knows something that i feel better?

    I don't like music and TV because that's so ..... it's going so fast.

    Right now I can't move. I am so sick and tired of everything.

    Sometimes when I am somewhere on school or something I think people want to posion me.... In my food or something, than I think that's the secret service or something like that,,,,who want to destroy me. Or that I am king of a test person.

    Everyone helpt me,,,, my family, the shrink but it doesn't help!

    I really want to die sometimes.....I wanted to hang myself ones,,,but it didn't work.

    I also used many pills, but nothing happend.

    And one time I did a plastic bag over my head in my head, nut I couldn't do it!

    I never was depressive, but now I am for 2 years. It's the most terrible thing a human can have! I have a big depression, pills for a big depression. It doesn't stop! I have no friends, not that I need them, or want friends, but still there is emptyniss in my life! I sit the whole day in my room, sleeping and watching sometimes TV. It's no life and my head is bissy the whole day long, it's to much for me.

    I am going to ask if they want to place me in a menthal clinic, I can't life in this world, I am going to school, but It's to much for my head, I can ask my parents if I can make home school exam but than I am alway's home sitting in my room.

    I also feel sometimes ugly,,,, than I think people look to me and laugh.

    No people! This world is not created for me, It's to much for me, my head is so bussy all day long, with thinking talking etc....

    And if we have visit, I don't like it not alway''s so much, a lot off people make my think harder and harder.

    Euthanasie: Maybe if I am not going to a menthal clinic, I want euthanasia, I am 19 years old......But my head, and my big depression....and all the other things.,.. there is more negative things in my life than possitive things. I can't life like this! So I think I am going to ask my shrink for euthanasia..... I really wonder if there is something after this life! We do everything with our brains,,,,,walking,talking..... but if the brain died, do you think there is a heaven?

    It's so hard for me to say to my parents I don't want to life, there so sad because of it, and my brother and sister also. But I can't help it.

    I hope there is a way that I don't feel the presure of this economic life anymore, everywhere are people around me,,,,,I life in a city with 170.000 people. there is no space to move. Only my room, and my computer, eating and drinking, and hopefully I can get my diplome, But how I feel now, I don't think that it will happen.this year!

    Sorry for my story of my last sad 2 years! But I had to share it with you!

    I know for the people who have a depression/or something else terrible, that life is very defficult.

    I hope you will not feel, like me! God is not with me, I am not lucky.

    Some people have to suffer in this World! sadly enough I am one of them!

    Best wishes,

  2. consciousinsane

    consciousinsane Well-Known Member

    Sorry nothing is helping any yet. Have you tried meditation? Just sit and breathe. Don't think about nothing but breathing. Don't try to worry, or make decisions. Just sit. I find that it relaxes me. If you can't do it in your room (due to the feelings of people watching) find a place you feel safe. I find the bathroom is a good place. People won't tend to bother you as much there.

    Hang in there though. I know what it's like to feel trapped like you can't move. Sometimes I feel that way too. Like you can't get far away enough from all the commotion. I don't think you have given your life enough chances yet to even consider euthanasia. Stick with some medication or therapy (or both). I believe there is hope for all of us. You and me. we just have to wait our turn, however long it may be. I've been waiting 1/2 my life. Yes, it is hard. And sometimes you (well most the time) you do want to die. But it's not the solution that we truely want.
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Get back to that doctor and scream for proper help. You've got paranoia hun on top of depression. It's the most awful feeling cos you think everyone is out to get you.

    Be honest with the doc and tell him everything you've said here. If you find that difficult, write it down like you have here and give it to him. You need to get this treated and pronto.
  4. mar87

    mar87 Guest

    I haven't tried meditation yet, maybe I am going to try it!

    It's just, I really feel sick.

    Yes I have therapy, and medication, but it doesn't help! From the medication I feel dissy.

    I don't know it anymore, sometimes it feels like I am going crazy. Sometimes I have a bad thought and than I keep thinking about it the whole day.

    My body hurts also and I have it very cold. The last 3 day's I can't sleep because of the pills, I hope there is a way to help this without pills.

    I think I am going to bed in a hour. I also can't eat anymore. I am not hungry anymore.

    Thanks for the help.:smile:

  5. consciousinsane

    consciousinsane Well-Known Member

    lots of side effects from pills will go away after you take them for a few weeks. it takes time for your body to get used to them.

    Like devastated said, Maybe you could print your first post out to show your doctors. I think it would help them, and in turn, that will help you.
  6. mar87

    mar87 Guest

    Hi devastated,

    Yes, I am already going to therapy and have medication but it doesn't help, I still have the awful thoughts!

    I don't know where to go....

    My parents help me also, but they can't help me 24 hours.

  7. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Give it time hun. Eventually they will find a med that works and doesn't make you feel like shit and as conscious said, sometimes it takes the body a while to adjust to new drugs.

    Keep on with the therapy, it's usually a long drawn out process, but it can and does work.
  8. mar87

    mar87 Guest

    But I told everything already what I wrote in the post, maybe I have to find something else.

    Yes, I know the side effects will go hopefully away, but it's so painful.

    :sad: Do you think it will help if i am going to a clinic for a coplle of weeks? I am thinking about it. Than I can talk alday with docters, and sleep, and be away from everything.
  9. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Absolutely. If you have the chance then go to the clinic.
  10. make_me_bad

    make_me_bad Well-Known Member

    How long have you been feeling this way?

    I suffered from severe paranoia for a few years. Not as bad as yours sounds, I would just constantly believe that my house was going to burn down/be destroyed by a tornado, that I was going to be murdered, that my plane was going to crash if I went on vacation. I'd be in the doctor's office every couple of weeks with some new imaginary ailment. I was positive I had cancer. I was afraid to eat anything because I might have had a heart attack.

    Eventually it just went away. There was no one moment that I was "cured", I just gradually became better. I can tell you that no matter how many times people tell you that there are no cameras in your room, that your food is not poisoned, that people are not out to get you, it won't do any good. It has to come from within, you have to put your mind above your instinct until you realize that these negative thoughts are not reality. Medication will help with that, keep trying until you find something that works for you, and don't forget to give them time to start working. If necessary go to a different doctor.

    It will take time, but it will be worth it. Until then I suggest you find some situation that you feel in control of and put yourself in that situation regularly.
  11. consciousinsane

    consciousinsane Well-Known Member

    I agree, if you can go to a clinic for a week or two then go! I WISH I could go for a week, or even just a few days. I can't miss anymore work though. Anyways, I have been twice before. The first time was for 3 days the next was a full week. I got bored, paced the floors, etc. But I made new friends. The stress levels dropped dramatically. I miss it!
  12. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    Paranoia on any level isnt a very nice thing. I get paranoid that everyone is looking at me when i have my head turned so i cant sit in front of people. This means sitting on thre back of buses and cinemas etc...
    I suppose i cant begin to imagine what your going through with it all but to reinforce it once more. Everyones advice is sound as a pound. Go see that doctor and if you can, keep us all updated so we know how your doing.
    Were rooting for you.
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