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please help me

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Well-Known Member
i feel so awful tonight.
im just sitting here alone and i cant stop crying. all i want to do it cut, but i dont feel like i have the energy.

i feel so alone, but yet again i want to be alone. i dont understand it. i feel too paranoid when im around people, so i would rather just stay by myself. or get rid of myself.

i hate myself. i cant stand this pain inside of me anymore. i dont feel real. i feel empty. this isnt the real me. ive lost who i am. now i am just a body filled with pain, hatred, fear, guilt. i cant stand feeling like this anymore

no one wants me around. all the friends ive made, it wont be a loss to them if im not around. i cant make an impact on anyones life.

i feel so much pain when i see my old friends having such a good time with other people. a good time that i could never give them as im just trapped in this stupid self.

the pain is overtaking my life. i just want to end it all.
its only a matter of time. the right time.

all i want to do is scream. i just need to release everything inside of me. i want to get rid of myself. my body is always so tense i just want to rip it apart to releave the tension. i cant cope. really. i cant do this anymore.

i just need to reach out and not feel nothing.


You sound alot like myself in the various stages of my life, of all the lessons we learn in life it's life itself that teaches us the hardest ones, most of us on the site have learned how crippling depression is at it's worst and how weary it can make a person at it's best. Most people that have a choice withdraw into a small dark corner and hope the world forgets about and hope they just painlessly fade away with the memory of themselves that the world holds.

For many like myself, we often sabotage our friendships or isolate to the point where people feel they are being too much of a nuissance to contact us any more. Even on this site where many could probably identify with much of what you say, would probably feel like they would add to your burden or are just too afraid that you will feel they bug you, I think this is because of two main things.

Firstly, because you are good people and the last thing any of you would want to do is add to another's pain, while an admirable quality if seen from a more level headed perspective can be seen to work against us more often than not. Sometimes it pays to bug people, the worst they can do is tell you to fuck off, then you wait for the apology.

Secondly, people with depression tend to think negatively and react likewise, for a normal person a hurdle is a hassle but for someone like us with depression, when a problem occurs it's like falling into a deep pit fall set by life to try us, the first few we climb out and carry on running but the more we fall into them the more the feelings of hopelessness intensify.

While the people on this forum cannot help you climb out of that hole you are in, we can sit on the sidelines and cheer you on the higher you get and you never know, when you get out of that hole you may like the people that cheered you on, enough to travel together through the jungle of depression and keep an eye out for pitfalls together, the more eyes looking ahead and not backwards (as I think we are all prone to do) the better.

I think though, it's a good sign you want to scream, shows a willingness that you want to talk about whatever is troubling you and that in turn, whether you believe it now or not, is a good sign that you are still fighting.

If you need a friend to chat with just drop me a pm, I have a tendency to be a bit slow responding but I will respond,
Take Care and be safe.
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