i feel so awful tonight. im just sitting here alone and i cant stop crying. all i want to do it cut, but i dont feel like i have the energy. i feel so alone, but yet again i want to be alone. i dont understand it. i feel too paranoid when im around people, so i would rather just stay by myself. or get rid of myself. i hate myself. i cant stand this pain inside of me anymore. i dont feel real. i feel empty. this isnt the real me. ive lost who i am. now i am just a body filled with pain, hatred, fear, guilt. i cant stand feeling like this anymore no one wants me around. all the friends ive made, it wont be a loss to them if im not around. i cant make an impact on anyones life. i feel so much pain when i see my old friends having such a good time with other people. a good time that i could never give them as im just trapped in this stupid self. the pain is overtaking my life. i just want to end it all. its only a matter of time. the right time. arghhhhhhhhhhh. all i want to do is scream. i just need to release everything inside of me. i want to get rid of myself. my body is always so tense i just want to rip it apart to releave the tension. i cant cope. really. i cant do this anymore. i just need to reach out and not feel nothing.