Please help me
- Thread starter IDontWantToDie
- Start date
I dont really have a story anymore. I have left everything in the past. My pain is emptines, lonelines and just the feeling of not being good enough to be loved... i know... i sound like a real baby... but its how i feel and somehow i cant do anything about it.
Sometimes it gets super tough like now. I dont really have a single thing keeping me here, but at the same time I dont want to die... i feel like i might hurt someone. But it would just be easier, you know... just to end the pain.
I dont mind listening too, if you wanna talk, go ahead.
Sometimes it gets super tough like now. I dont really have a single thing keeping me here, but at the same time I dont want to die... i feel like i might hurt someone. But it would just be easier, you know... just to end the pain.
I dont mind listening too, if you wanna talk, go ahead.
Pills, medicine, exercise, therapy.....yeah thoe can help. But the deeper issue is lack of connection. Western liberal democracies(for now) foster a "lone wolf" mentality. Extreme individualism. But ultimately it leaves us alone and cold. We have discarded objective truth........Enjoy your own company and revel when you meet someone on your wavelength
i'm sorry you are still struggling @IDontWantToDie but you have to keep fighting to hold on. one of the problems causing loneliness is social media and electronic devices. there used to be a time that people would go see their friends in person a lot, that would develop into a deep connection, now people just communicate by the screen.
as far as being good enough to be loved, you are good enough everyone is. just be yourself and try to make human connections. and as for your emptiness you can fill that by doing good things. maybe volunteer someplace or help a neighbor there are a lot of things you can do.
anytime you don't feel safe please call a crises line or you local emergency # to be safe. and of course we will always be here. anytime you need to talk feel free to use my inbox, if i'm not here i always check my inbox first. i hope you start to feel better soon.
mike,..
as far as being good enough to be loved, you are good enough everyone is. just be yourself and try to make human connections. and as for your emptiness you can fill that by doing good things. maybe volunteer someplace or help a neighbor there are a lot of things you can do.
anytime you don't feel safe please call a crises line or you local emergency # to be safe. and of course we will always be here. anytime you need to talk feel free to use my inbox, if i'm not here i always check my inbox first. i hope you start to feel better soon.
mike,..
Sorry if it took that long to reply. I was about to do it myself the same day I replied to your post. I know exactly what you're saying and I know when you write these words they don't sound like anything that is relevant to the real feeling. You have an urge to keep justifying the words you say that you can't take it anymore. Because all you'll hear (even in your own mind) don't exaggerate. It's not "REALLY" that bad. But it really is, it's somehow worse than the words you say out loud or at least for me (Here I am explaining again because the words sound too intense out loud). I don't know if I have a story either or maybe I have too much of a story it doesn't link together anymore but whatever terms can describe it better is that I've had a horrible childhood with a monstrous mother that I later learned she was diagnosed as a sociopath and schizoid and brought me into the world a scared child with a diagnosis I haven't learnt about until it has already taken over my life. BPD + inattentive ADHD + OCD. It is NOT fun especially when they overlap. In my world I don't understand what it's like to be anything other than that. But all I know is that I'm always afraid. I can't talk to my "friends" (whom I love so much) because they see me pulling my shit together all the time they don't have any idea what I struggle with constantly and how hard it is to focus on being alive "normally" every day. I have hurt so many people along the years and sometimes I knew I was hurting them and didn't stop. I hurt myself the most doing everything against what I really wanted to do. Medication does not work with me, they cause me intense mania and psychotic episodes. I manage a company and a house and I have no idea what to do with them. All of the time I just want to sleep and hide in my bedroom where my mind will automatically drift off and I zone into a little fantasy world that I create. I forget to shower, sleep, eat I forget to exist and these are my most calm moments. It takes all the energy in me to just be in a place with people around me and to be well dressed and to keep up with a conversation without blurting out my thoughts.
You're not a baby you're in so much pain. I say that to you and to myself and to whoever needs to hear this. It is very very very painful to just be and I'm sorry for that. I know what you're saying you do not want to do it you just want the pain to stop right at this moment. The thing is when I think of doing it every time the pain just intensifies and grows so try to avoid feeling it all together. A cold shower is the best advice I got. I don't even take off my clothes. Just run into the shower it's 1 step you have to focus on.
All the love and support for you
You're not a baby you're in so much pain. I say that to you and to myself and to whoever needs to hear this. It is very very very painful to just be and I'm sorry for that. I know what you're saying you do not want to do it you just want the pain to stop right at this moment. The thing is when I think of doing it every time the pain just intensifies and grows so try to avoid feeling it all together. A cold shower is the best advice I got. I don't even take off my clothes. Just run into the shower it's 1 step you have to focus on.
All the love and support for you