Please help me

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by mka13@hotmail.co.uk, Nov 26, 2007.

  1. I've always struggled with suicidal feeling and a month ago I found my boyfriend of 8 months in bed with someone. I jumped doen a flight of stairs but wasn't that hurt. We were trying to work things out and I had forgiven him when I discovered a couple of days ago that not oinly had he been talking to her after swearing he hadnt but he had repeated what he did with her the first time. I just dont think i can cope. He wont even stop speaking to her now to preserve our firndship. i feel me and my morals have been rejected and i just dont know what to do. i feel so hopeless. please help. Maddi
     
  2. I think you should let him go and move on. For him to cheat on you twice, means he doesn't really care about you. The pain of losing someone you love is horrible, but for him to hurt you like that, is he worth hurting more over?
     
  3. I think I can cope with losing him as a bf. I mean, I'm not so idealistic that I thought it would last forever, hoped maybe. and im not scared to be alone. i just cant cope with the rejection of my friendship for such a horrible girl. she lies. i just cant understand it. he cant tell me why he's putting her firendship first either. like he says he doesnt care about he in that way, nut after meeting her 3 times she means more to him than i do. he says im out of order for asking him not to talk to her if he wants to be my friend.
     
  4. Well, since he cheated on you with her, it is completely reasonable for you to not want him to talk with her, in order to show respect for his friendship with you. He needs to decide what you mean to him as a friend and respect that friendship considering how he has already hurt you.
     
  5. But what if he doesnt care enough? i think im just to weak. its like i keep on fighting feeling like this and everyone around me handles it so well but i just cant. there's like my crazy side and my sane side which sorta keeps the other in check. but now sane side doesnt have the energy to fight anymore. im scared :sad:

    Thanks for replying, means a lot
     
  6. If he doesn't care enough, it is his fault, not yours. If you had done something hurtful to him, he ought to have discussed his feelings with you. He should have managed his emotions in a way directed toward his relationship with you, rather than him having found this other girl to cheat with. His continued friendship with this girl will continue to detereorate the friendship between him and you, whatever remains of it. Already, the foundation of his friendship with you is weak. He is being disrespectful of that and to you as a person by maintaining a friendship with the girl he cheated with. Again, his fault, not yours.
     
  7. gogs79

    gogs79 Member

    The fact that he cheated should tell you how he thinks about your feelings, just remeber you are the better person in this situation.
     
  8. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Wow, I know you must be hurting right now.

    You deserve someone who will be good to you.

    From a slightly different perspective, I would say he hasn't "rejected" you and your morals. I wonder if he actually shared them with you at all, although he was happy to let you think he did because it helped him. By cheating on you with anyone, he BETRAYED you, your moral code and your trust. (And that's betrayed vs rejected.)

    It doesn't matter what the person he cheated with is like. That was his decision and has nothing to do with you or your value. If you do try to move on, I hope that you eventually see that by choosing a lesser person to cheat with, your bf was not and is not the person you thought he was, and YOU are TOO GOOD for HIM!

    You deserve much better than he! :hug:

    A.
     
  9. Thank you so much guys. Do any of you have any like methods and stuff I can use to move on? I just feel lost and I wanna find a way out. After the first time I could forgive him and even her for making mistakes. But now he doesnt want me i'm not sure how to deal with this new kind of hurting. I was in a violent relationship for 3 years before this guy and am starting to worry that the people i fall in love with wont ever respect me. thanks again for all your help.

    Maddi

    xxx
     
  10. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, there.

    Methods to move on...Um, sorry. For me, it's been just making myself carry, in spite of the pain, unfortunately.

    The things that help are the things that you do for yourself - eating right, getting enough sleep and exercise, remembering you are not to blame for everything and you DO deserve good things...

    I find these sorts of times are good times for me to explore myself and find out what I love about me.

    Practical things and activities you can do...These are just brainstorming ideas, so forgive the randomness, and nuttiness: get some crayons and draw a picture of your favorite animal/friend/place. Go to a park when it's not too busy (if you're shy) and go on the swings, play in the sandbox, sing out loud. If there's something you didn't do because HE didn't really enjoy it, DO IT YOURSELF NOW. Read about things that interest you. Appreciate the architecture in your city. Keep a journal. Write him a hate letter (DO NOT SEND IT!). Join a class of some kind. Volunteer some hours with a community group. Walk. Watch and listen to how the people around you interact - anywhere and everywhere you go; it will help you identify behaviors between and among people that you like and don't like. It will help you when you're ready to make new friends: you will be better equipped to seek out the things in others that match your own values. Watch and listen to people for a long time before you decide they are the right people. (I tend to make mistakes about how "real" people are if I rush into being friends with them. It ends up hurting because I wasn't careful enough. It's not my fault they hurt me, but it IS my fault I didn't pay attention to the signs that were there all along.)

    BE GOOD TO YOURSELF! No putting yourself down. No criticizing yourself when it's not merited - own up to real mistakes, but don't carry blame that doesn't belong to you. It will only get heavier as you carry it. No helping everyone but yourself. It will make you too tired and then you are more likely to feel used and resentful. Especially if those people don't support you in return. Give yourself little treats along the way. Be your own best friend by caring about yourself the way you would care for a good, dear friend. These things will help to make you a whole person with fewer areas that you feel are not fulfilled. And that whole feeling/sense is apparent to others and it will be less likely that you will be snared by someone who uses our empty spots to play with our minds.

    Love yourself. There are tons of good things about you, and maybe you've forgotten them or don't yet know about them. Have fun (re-) discovering them!

    A. :hug:
     
  11. gogs79

    gogs79 Member

    Im not sure If Ive got any methods, ive never been in love and im 28, so I don't know how you feel.

    But I think trying to get back to doing things you like to do might help you, you shouldn't let his actiona affect how you lead your life, you are worth more than that.:smile:
     
  12. I acnt stop thinking about everything. I asked him last night if he would stop sleeping with this girl to be my friend and he said no. I tried so hard tonight to have a normaql night out but it hasnt worked. i acnt stand it anymore. to be honest i know i should logically be strong enough to cope but im not. its fucking sad but im screwing up at every turn. the urge to call him and tell him all ios forgotten is so strong and i know i must fight it but i dunno if i can. i dont see a way out and each day gets harder rather than easier. surely this is not what is spose to happen? i want to give up and be at peace.
     
  13. gogs79

    gogs79 Member

    Take me for example, im 28 on Saturday and I have fallen in love with a 45 year old woman. She doesn't know and Im not going to do anything about it as im not good enough for anybody, but I just get on with it as thats all I can do ubtil the feelings I have for her go away.