im 16 years old and i have been contemplating suicide for about 4 years now. but now, im on the breaking point. in school, i pretend to be someone im not so that people wont start to think im suicidal. i am doing bad in school because i start to think theres no point to it. i go to boarding school and i wrote all over my books, notebooks, and the walls saying i want to die i charcoal. i feel like the outcast of my family because i have 2 brothers who are doing well. i dont want to be the failure of my family. how can i get past this?