Please help me...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by depressedGirl, Jan 31, 2009.

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  1. depressedGirl

    depressedGirl Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry to nag again but I feel like this again... :sad:

    Okay. I do love my Dad. I know it sounds weird because of the way he treats me and that but I do love my Dad. However it seems everything I do is wrong. I spent like 4 or 5 days down Norwich with my Dad and all he does is start on me for nothing. He tells me I am addicted to my tablets. Everything I do is wrong.
    Like for example when I got to Norwich I realized that he had started to smoke again. I was actually surprised and said well so you have started to smoke. He blames it on me for self harming when I haven't even been at my Dads for him to see me self harm in the first place. I sometimes wonder if I would get the blame if I were dead
    I am sorry that I sound like I am being nasty to my Dad but I think he needs help. He constantly goes on about me being suicidal and that he is scared I am going to do myself in. It gets to the stage where I just feel like doing it.
    Anyway enough about my Dad. It isn't just my Dad at fault even though he is driving me even more depressed.
    I am fed up with having epilespy and I know you are all going to groan but it really does annoy me. I am at the stage where I wish I would die. Or rather do myself a favour and commit suicide. I have no peace. I have trouble sleeping, difficulty concerntrating and absolutly no energy. It is an effort just to get out of bed. I understand I am depressed. The doctors have diagnosed me loads of times. I might even have to go back on anti depressants. Well my friend had to pull a knife away from me because I was going to commit suicide. I can't take no more.
    I know you think this is just an empty threat. I have heard it before but trust me if you met any of my friends they will tell you if they haven't been there when I have felt like this then I would do it. I wish I could just make people like me and stop bullying me.
    I feel fat and all. Someone on msn asked me if I was anorexic. I am wondering if he has lost his mind. Can't they see how fat I am. I do admitingly starve myself until tea. I flatly refuse to eat much. However the doctors have never diagnosed me with anorexia.
    I have walked into the doctors and even burst into tears. I have read self help books on how to beat depression but I just can't concerntrate anymore. I might as well give up. I don't know what to do. You have stopped me killing myself before with your kind words. I know I don't deserve this but please help me. :sad::sad::sad::please::nite::sadhug:
  2. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    please dont feel apologetic for wanting to voice how your feeling
    and dont belittle having epilepsy, thankfully i dont have it or have had much contact with it, but it sounds terrible.
    and it does sound what your dad is doing is wrong, he needs to get help so he knows how to approach such a delicate subject with someone who is suffering
    i have a difficult relationship with my dad as well. weirdly enough he smokes which buggs me and i stayed with him in norich for a week as well :blink:
    Have you had any meds or therapy? i think you need help with this
  3. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    dont feel like you have to appologize for how you feel,
    that's not what this forum is about.

    im glad that you came reaching out to us in your time
    of need, and im sorry i had not seen this post while you
    were online (unless you're invisible).

    you're dad, to be quite frank, sounds like a total buttface.
    (i didnt wanna sware) have you told him that some of the
    reasons why you feel suicidal have to do with him? i know
    that it takes a lot of courage to do that, and im not suggesting
    that you should go out and tell him "well, i wanna commit
    suicide because of your constant nagging", heavens, no.

    i strongly reccomend that you go back on anti-depressants.
    or at least try therapy if you don't like the medication. it really
    does help you. im in therapy now and they might perscribe me
    anti-depressants, but sometimes the feeling of being controlled
    by a single tablet (or more, depending on your dose) can get a
    bit overwhelming.

    :hug: I wish you nothing but the best.
  4. pensive1981

    pensive1981 Well-Known Member

    There's no need to consider epilepsy something trivial. I know a bit about it and you're dealing with something that's difficult. You're hanging in there and hopefully working on a situation where you can cope with it in increasingly constructive ways.

    It sounds like your Dad may be giving you some blame - but even if what he says is true, that worrying about you has caused him to smoke - well, that does in its way show that he cares about you and doesn't want you hurting yourself. He cares about you enough that you being hurt causes him pain. I think he wants you to be happy, even if he expresses it poorly.

    Not sure exactly how your epilepsy manifests itself but of course constant auras or seizures will be a source of stress for anyone. Lots of great people have dealt with epilepsy in constructive ways and gone on to good and great things. Danny Glover for example. Stay strong, keep working at it. You'll be all right.
  5. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hey..... i read your post. i am so sorry you are going through this hugely difficult time.

    as a parent - (sigh. yes i am old...) i can say that your dad, from your description, sounds like he cares. but. he cannot fully understand. it's not that he doesn't want to - he can't.unless he's been there.
    now, we all know, here, that you aren't faking when you say you've wanted to - but - someone was there and stopped you.
    it's ok.

    we are all still here - because something (something positive!) has stopped us. and coming here - IS - a positive thing. you see, here we support each other - build friendships - and then we end up realizing that we can't let others down - by leaving - we have to hang in.

    that is positive energy- and positive energy - can change everything!

    re your self-image - . . .you mentioned thinking you 'look' fat but dont' eat until tea. ok. pm me if you want to talk about this. i have struggled with this part - since i was 18 (uh, now i am 45. ) ouch.

    keep reaching out- don't give up - pm me anytime u want to talk :hug:
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi depressedgirl,

    Im sorry to hear you are still feeling so low :(

    Maybe it is best to go back on the anti depressants?

    and perhaps you should talk to your doctor about anorexia, if you are deliberately starving yourself then you probably do have an eating disorder.

    You know you can talk to me anytime hun, I'm always here for you x
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