Please help me

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by hkvn, Oct 16, 2009.

  1. hkvn

    hkvn New Member

    Hey all, I wanted to release my story for possible help on how to move on in my life, or not.

    I am a nearly 22 year old guy, 3 years ago I moved across the globe for a girl that I thought that was the love of my life, moved from one continent to another.

    After 2 years of a quite hard relationship, which was quite hard due to cultural problems, we thought we solved all our differences and were happy together, although we are both quite young, we loved each other, and we both have a thing for kids, we tried only once on her birthday.

    She got pregnant, I was very happy, she was very happy, and we both had dreams together, since it was planned, we obviously were gonna keep it, even though we are only 21.

    When she was 6 weeks in, I asked for her hand, and she said yes. I felt like one of the happiest man on the world, and couldn't wait to have my own little family, I found a job, I worked hard to support the three of us. Everything was going as planned.

    Around 10 weeks, she was constantly on the phone with another person, day and night, because they talked in a different language I had no idea what they were talking about nor what was going on.

    A good week later, one day I woke up, she told me shes going to abort the child. I thought she was just in a bad mood, because of the hormones and all. But she secretly already went for check ups and made an appointment for the same day, 1 hour later. When she told me about the appointment, I did everything in my power to stop her and change her mind, but I couldn't without breaking any laws. I later found out cheated on me, and didn't want to be with me thus removed the child.

    I took a flight home the exact same day, I couldn't bare a sight of her, I left everything behind for the second time in my life as I build up everything there for the past years.

    To be honest, she wasn't a great person, and when she did something like that, I had absolutely no problems letting her go and move on.

    Now my problem is the child, I saw it move in her belly multiple times, I heard its heartbeat. Now some may say its her body and she can decide, but our child was planned, and when you saw and heard it move, it becomes really really really hard. It was already 3 months and quite big, most of its body was shaped already.

    My problem now is that every single moment that I sleep, I hear its heartbeat, and see it move on the scan. Every single night, every single moment, it even haunts me when I'm working, I cant lead a normal life, I cant get over its dead. I cry daily, most of the time, when I'm at the office I sometimes cry at the toilet forever.

    I am against suicide, but I am having a really really hard time sleeping, or doing anything, when I don't work, I instantly go to bed and try to sleep, because I lack so much sleep. But I do not dare to sleep because of the nightmares, its an endless loop.

    I need to forget the image of my dead child moving in her belly, but I was my child, how can I get myself to forget it.

    I am really lost and I do not know what to do, its been 2 months now, I want to be able to have a normal life again and move on, but nothing seems to be able to get over it.

    Thank you for reading my problem, and I pray to god there is someone who can help me before I do something bad to myself in uncontrollable emotions :sad:

  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    How horrible for you. I think if you don't have a therapist getting one would help.Are you sure the child was yours and not of this other person even A grief coucillor will help you deal with your lost it really does help to talk to someone.
    I hope others can help you but know i hear you and feel for you I hope you get some councilling so you can move on.
  3. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, beyond words... This must be horrible for you.

    You need to move on, nothing can rewind time. Go and see a MH counselor, you need to talk about this with a professional. That helps.
  4. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Losing a child is one of the hardest losses for a parent. Please go see a counselor, it's going to take time to grieve the loss of your child and work through the anger you have toward her. You may be traumatized by a feeling of helplessness because you could not stop what she was doing. This is three different issues you are experiencing. Seeing a counselor would be best.