please help me..

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by White_Darkness, Apr 6, 2010.

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  1. White_Darkness

    White_Darkness Well-Known Member

    i found this forum tonight, just minutes ago, because i googled "suicide forum".
    i desperately need someone to talk to. anxiety is eating me up and i can't get rid of the persistent dark clouds that surround me.

    i know that self harm isn't the answer but when i look at myself, and my scar-covered arms, i cant help but think that i can't deal with it in any other way.

    in the mean time, i listen to the lovely voice of carl barat and chain smoke.
     
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, Hanamiyaka. I'm glad you found this forum. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling anxious under dark clouds.

    What sorts of things have been making you anxious today?
     
  3. White_Darkness

    White_Darkness Well-Known Member

    nothing, and that's the problem. i dont know why im feeling this way. seen from the outside, you'd say my life is pretty normal and close to perfect. i have a boyfriend, i go to college, my parents are weird but loving, i have an apartment and a part-time job.. but thats only on the outside. when you get to know me, im insecure as hell..

    today was a pretty good day. i even went to my friends bday pool party in the afternoon. but then i went home and my demons attacted me immediately. i feel like this all the time and its wearing me down so badly.
     
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    That's hard...I've had times like that too, where I'm not quite sure what I'm worried about, but I feel very anxious.

    Sometimes when we force ourselves not to be anxious about something or we tell ourselves to "just forget it, don't make a fuss about it," we set the stage for anxiety to leak out when we don't expect it.

    For me, anxiety has to come out at some point, so if I'm burying my worries or trying to put on a brave face, I end up anxious later on anyway. For me, the best approach has been to at least acknowledge to myself that I'm fretting about something. After I've acknowledged it, I can choose the right time to worry about it (sort of setting "worry priorities). If I don't acknowledge it, it comes out when it chooses, not when I have some control over it.
     
  5. White_Darkness

    White_Darkness Well-Known Member

    my problem is that i never think about it - it pops up anyhow. when i feel ok or even good (never great tho) i NEVER think about my anxiety. i tend to feel ok one minute just to feel like utter sh*t the next and i dont understand why. mood swings? nah, i don't think so. because my anxiety feels like a thousand lbs stone stuck somewhere inside of me, making it impossible for me to do anything; to think and act normally. its like its blocking me and i can feel it everywhere and its soo freaking annoying. because i dont want to feel like this.
     
  6. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm sorry it's so hard for you. It sounds as though there are things you don't think about "consciously" but that you might need to clear away...sometimes we can benefit from having a counselor sort of "direct" us through the snag we've hit. I saw in your other thread that it's hard to get help where you are. Is there a counseling center at your college? Where I am, there is usually a counseling service for students at colleges and universities (and they often don't charge a fee or don't charge a lot if they do have fees).
     
  7. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    something you said reminded me of a gal in the magazine. have you had your gallbaldder looked at......there are medical findings that show people with gallbladder issues having depression etc. When you said "1000 lbs stone etc." reminded me of that.....
     
  8. White_Darkness

    White_Darkness Well-Known Member

    well, thats because my anxiety feels like a stone dragging me down. unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how youd like to look at it) i've never been diagnosed with depression. actually, my last psychiatrist told me that he would never ever think i was depressed. i have been diagnosed with bpd tho.

    thank you for taking an interest, it feels nice to know that there are people out there who spare a moment or two to reply to my posts :)
     
  9. Brandon

    Brandon Well-Known Member

    You have a beautiful name btw Natalie :)
     
  10. White_Darkness

    White_Darkness Well-Known Member

    thanks, brandon! do you mean my real name, or my screen name (lol)?

    my mom is a very romantic (read:eccentric) person and she thought i should have a romantic and original name.. so i have four freaking names and two last names. yay for my mom! xD

    btw. i like the name brandon. it reminds me of my childhood crush on brandon walsh from 90210 (hahahahahhahahahahahaha) :D
     
  11. Brandon

    Brandon Well-Known Member

    haha meant your real name. and lol i hate my name :mellow:
     
  12. White_Darkness

    White_Darkness Well-Known Member

    you shouldn't :)
     
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