Please help me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by max999, May 25, 2010.

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  1. max999

    max999 Member

    Hello, this is gonna sound crazy. Im 24 and only job I had was for 2 weeks. I never had a girlfriend. I've almost depressed all my life. But I never thought it would come to this. I spend my last 5 years feeling so damn miserable and shutdown inside. I never had a friend since i was 17. For last 6 years I lived home like a moron with my parent and didnt cared I was descending into this fucking worthlessness. So now I woke up, and it suddenly hits me WTF I'VE BEEN DOING ALL THIS TIME. I was so goddam depressed, all my courage and self esteem left. I dont even know how to speak to people. I cant be subjective in a conversion, nor do I want actively particpate in social situations. Im like a fucking hermit who is yet to experience the simplest joy of life, feeling intimate with a girl, share ideal with a friend, or plain have a good time. I cant honestly say that I've satisfied with single day in my life. It is always been feeling empty, incomplete, the futile struggle when my life was just heading no where. And no one cared, I didn't want to care either. I was bend backward and negative. Im not sure that has changed, but I like to.
    The thing is I like to die with at least a bit of diginity. My whole life has been a waste, so I want feel alive once before I die. I realize Im never gonna achieve that by just sitting around. Im still living with my parent for Christ's sake. So I want a job. But the problem is I just woke from this nightmare, and basically my whole life and future seem to be ruined. I failed myself, failed my education, with only GED and no job history, Im gonna be finding job like fishing for needles in the ocean. Im a man with no prospects, and no social skills at all. Please if someone is reading this, give me some pointers, cause I am scared and feel hopeless. Im afraid to walk into fast food to ask a job application. Im ashamed about my age and the responsiblity that comes with it. Im still feel like a baby.
    Im afraid to talk to anyone, afraid they finding out how pathetic I am.
    Part of me says thats life for me, rough, cough it up and move on. But if thats true, why should I even care? If I know Im gonna be disappointed, why should I give a damn. Judging the way things are going, Im going to hell.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Max and welcome...glad you posted...I think it is important to break things down into useable steps...what kind of job do you want and trace the steps backwards to getting that job...I believe so strongly in the human spirit and the way ppl can overcome so many obstacles...big hugs and welcome again, J
     
  3. Concave

    Concave Active Member

    I partly understand you. I'm 27 and have had a few different jobs, but depression and self consciousness have hindered me. First off just go and start filling out applications. If you fill out 10 in 1 week, you will prob get a job. I know it is easier said than done, but you gotta start somewhere. Just make a goal of say 3 applications in 1 week, its a start. With a job will come money, and with money will most likely come some more self confidence and hopefully a girlfriend. I was of the mindset that all I needed was a girlfriend and I'd be happy. Well about a year and a half ago I got a girl who was totally out of my league... beautiful, smart, and we had tons in common. It temporarily fixed my depression, but the depression came creeping back and ultimately ruined our relationship. I'm still not over her... i'm just trying to say that yes, while a gf will help; it won't solve probs of depression. But it is better to have loved and lost, than to have not loved at all. I'm currently trying to battle depression and suicidal tendencies and it is tough! Best of luck to you. I hope I was of some help.
     
  4. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    While part of me is happy for you, coming out of your previous state, it cannot be pleasant to find yourself depressed. If you're having problems with social situations, have you considered applying somewhere where there is only a little human interaction, and moving on from there? That way you can slowly become inoculated to other people.

    I know that going in and filling out applications can be very difficult, but I think that it would offer some huge benefits for you. :kris:
     
  5. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    Trust me, not having had a girlfriend is more common than you think, plus there are a lot of bitches out there. It's better to be in your position than be stuck with a total nighmtare - my ex for example, is 24, and he is now married to the 19 year old he knocked up, expecting his first child. His hopes of university are dashed and the days of freedom are over. You are in a much better position than him!

    As for working I think the economy is so bad at the moment they probably see 24 year olds coming in and out of fast food places all the time, so if you were to go for a job like that to get some cash in your pocket, they wouldn't even bat an eyelid.

    I hope you're feeling OK, PM me if you want to talk about anything :)
     
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Don't listen to the troll above:troll:Adolecence fits him/her.. The girl friend will come in time.. First you need to work on yourself.. Find a good therapist, they can help you learn to cope and to regain some self esteem..Once you start feeling better you will eventually find women who are interested in you..Maybe some of the female members here can give you tips as to what women like in a man..
     
  7. kitanai

    kitanai Well-Known Member

    i know what its like to feel nothing is gonna work out but at least you havent made it to my stage of depression yet im 31 living with my mom & brother no job no want to get one ive already worked over 300 kind of jobs i always walk out 7times out of 10 its because i mentally attack myself ive been with every color of girl in the rainbow and the last girl i was with gave me a std ...ive also lost control of my emotions & thoughts thus making sex for me yet another dispointment gratz you have a ged ive tryed 5 times to get mine but i always give up the last time i tryed to go back to school i walked home mentally attacking myself intill i began to cry from disapointment im starting to reach a point in my life to just except what i am as i wait to die now my brother on the other hand is just like you almost no life he has only worked 3days at a wendys and a bit of temp work only had 1 gf she dumped him in a week fyi and she liked me but i never told him that he is 25 he is also a drop out and suffering
     
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