Hello, this is gonna sound crazy. Im 24 and only job I had was for 2 weeks. I never had a girlfriend. I've almost depressed all my life. But I never thought it would come to this. I spend my last 5 years feeling so damn miserable and shutdown inside. I never had a friend since i was 17. For last 6 years I lived home like a moron with my parent and didnt cared I was descending into this fucking worthlessness. So now I woke up, and it suddenly hits me WTF I'VE BEEN DOING ALL THIS TIME. I was so goddam depressed, all my courage and self esteem left. I dont even know how to speak to people. I cant be subjective in a conversion, nor do I want actively particpate in social situations. Im like a fucking hermit who is yet to experience the simplest joy of life, feeling intimate with a girl, share ideal with a friend, or plain have a good time. I cant honestly say that I've satisfied with single day in my life. It is always been feeling empty, incomplete, the futile struggle when my life was just heading no where. And no one cared, I didn't want to care either. I was bend backward and negative. Im not sure that has changed, but I like to. The thing is I like to die with at least a bit of diginity. My whole life has been a waste, so I want feel alive once before I die. I realize Im never gonna achieve that by just sitting around. Im still living with my parent for Christ's sake. So I want a job. But the problem is I just woke from this nightmare, and basically my whole life and future seem to be ruined. I failed myself, failed my education, with only GED and no job history, Im gonna be finding job like fishing for needles in the ocean. Im a man with no prospects, and no social skills at all. Please if someone is reading this, give me some pointers, cause I am scared and feel hopeless. Im afraid to walk into fast food to ask a job application. Im ashamed about my age and the responsiblity that comes with it. Im still feel like a baby. Im afraid to talk to anyone, afraid they finding out how pathetic I am. Part of me says thats life for me, rough, cough it up and move on. But if thats true, why should I even care? If I know Im gonna be disappointed, why should I give a damn. Judging the way things are going, Im going to hell.