Hello, everyone. First off, thanks to anyone who is willing to listen to me. As I am desperate. And do not know where else to turn to. The following story is pretty long, so I do appreciate for reading. Thanks in advance. I am a 18-year old student currently about to graduate in less than 8 months. I wish to study medicine and become a doctor after graduation. I am in love with a wonderful woman. I have been with her for almost one year now. We are in a long-distance relationship and I just recently revealed this to my parents. They did not seem to have any objections at first, but in time...i realised just how much it bothered them for me to be with another woman...as I am a woman. I am by no means naive. I know very well the risks and hardships of a long-distance relationship. My need for her to be close to me as her need for me to be close to her is growing stronger with each passing day. As graduation is coming closer, I have spend a lot of time alone thinking about my future. There are people in my life who are irreplaceable. My family...and my love. I would like for them to stay in my life forever. My mother is a very overprotective parent. She cannot bear me being far away from her as she begins to miss me terribly and yearn for me to be home with her. I love her. I really do. But if things were going her way, then I would have to stay in Germany. Work until my seminar in university begins and become a doctor in the future. She would like me...to forget about the woman I have feelings for. The woman I care for most. And the woman I'd like to spend the rest of my life with. To be honest. I cannot fulfill her wish. I need my love. I cannot live my life without her. I cannot lie to myself and believe that my dream job is more important than the person I'm most likely going to live with for the rest of my life. It's not like I cannot have both. I would like to come visit her after graduation, come back to Germany and begin my medical study. When she is old enough, she can come visit me on her own. But for now, things are in my hands. The problem is, that my mother is mentally instable. I have witnessed her wanting to commit suicide before my eyes, deliberately using very...cruel methods to demonstrate just what I caused her to do just by not wanting to follow the path she had layed down for me. She has smashed her head against the wall, has tried to stab herself with a kitchen knife. I cannot see her do this to herself. And eventually, I give in. And succumb to her demands. I know she loves me. I know. I'm not blaming her for her actions. I just wish, she would love me in a different way. I wish she would give me love that would make me happy. And not this destructive love. It destroys me as a person. If anything happens to her, I cannot forgive myself. Yet, still I am too selfish. I want to be in the arms of my love. I want to go away from this place. I want to travel. I want to see the world. I want to be free wandering to one place then to the other without anyone holding me back. I just want to be free. But my mother's love does not give me freedom. Sure, it offers me protection and a warm home. Yet, I want to fly away from this place. Then come back and be just happy to be back. Can't I have both? My Dad has forbidden me to go meet the woman of my life. Because she has not reached the age of 18 yet. To be honest I know he is only trying to prevent me from meeting her. And when I finally can, he will find other reasons to restrict me. Promised me over and over again that I can do whatever I wished when I have graduated. Now graduation is coming close and they back off their promises, saying they have never said such things. They did it so many times. He threatened to call international police and file a report for kidnapping to get me back to Germany if I try to run away from home to be with my love. I wonder if he will succeed with that when I'm 19 already. Here, I see myself in chains again. What now? I cannot lie either. I wish to solve this issue with nothing but the truth. Because this is what my parents have taught me. To be true to yourself and the people around you. And it is something I hold on to very tightly. My best friend has suggested lying to them. So I can finally live my life. I have not followed her advice. And thus I am in this situation. Desperate and helpless in every way. I just want somebody to take me away. Take me away from this place. I want to leave this place. But I cannot. Please help me. I want the people I love to be safe and happy. But they are not. Would it all be easier if I wasn't on this earth? My mom wouldn't try to kill herself over me. My love would not have to wait for me. Everyone, would just be fine.