(I am an atheist. I have no disrespect for anyone's faith; You can believe in (or not believe in) whatever you want, but, please, PLEASE...no religious comments.) I can't do this any more. I can't go on. I'm tired of being alone, I'm tired of holding it in, I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of pretending, I'm tired of cutting, I'm done. What kind of way to live is this? Yes, I know, at the tender age of 19, I've accomplished so much. I have no job, no money, no hope, I've let myself and all those around me down. Every day is the same; I sleep until 4 or 5 in the afternoon, I wake up, I smoke, I pretend everything's okay, and then I crawl back into bed, ashamed of what I've become. I've completely given up on myself. I've seen things that no one, no one deserves to see. My thoughts are eating me alive. Sure, I have plenty of friends and family who love me, and I love in return, but in the end, I'm useless. They'll probably be better off without me. I see no benefit to my being alive. If I weren't such a coward, I would have killed myself a long time ago. I can't take it any more...Apparently, I don't deserve to be happy, so maybe, just maybe I should stay here and suffer. I need help. Serious help. But again, I have no money to pay for a therapist. I don't know what to do and I'm completely at the end of my rope.