My Symptoms/Emotions/Etc. I feel emotionally unstable, I go through short to long periods of depression and at times anger. They never seem to last more than 2-3 days and I snap out of it and I feel good for a couple of days, than back to the same pattern. I feel paralyzed by my depression (and my moods) and get to a point where I don't want to move or talk to anyone. I am obsessed with relationships and every relationship (with men) I have ever had have been emotionally unstable. They are extremely powerful and intimate and I fall for them extremely hard. All of my relationships are extremely short anymore and powerful and when they end, it feels like my whole life has ended as well. I can't handle the end of these relationships and it leads me into periods of depression and rechlessness and having alot of suicidal thoughts. I don't see a purpose to life at all and I hate being alone. The only thing I hate more than being alone, is being rejected and abandoned by someone I love (which has happened to many times to count). I truly feel like I can't handle this anymore and can't get involved with another person again because I hit my breaking point. The only thing I ever wanted out of life was to be in a relationships where someone really cared as much as I did. I give my all in relationships, and I never get anything back... It's been proven time and time again that I am worthless and no one will ever really care. This bothers me more than anything, and as I stated above, I don't see a purpose more to my life than that, and at this point in my life I have no drive to be with anyone and I don't want to because I can't handle the pain anymore. I feel I have Flat-lined. I feel relentlessly empty inside, and never complete. I feel angry, but even more depressed about the thoughts of relationships. I have huge problems with my Self-Image and Self-Esteem. Some days I feel pretty and use it as power to get what I want and others I could look in the mirror and jump off a cliff because I can't stand how I look. I know that my image will never be enough to keep a partner around, it will never be good enough or accepted enough for me to be cared about. I've spent an immense amount of time and money on my image and still I am not happy with it, and no one else it either. My weight is a huge struggle for me, I hate taking my antidepressants because I feel they prohibit me from losing weight, I have been struggling to lose the same 10 lbs. for ober a year now, and all I do is end up gaining weight. I'm disgusted by this weight gain, and presently I am appalled by my image, even though I get alot of attention from people and constant compliments on how good I look. I work as a promotional model currently and really don't know how I got the job. When I go out and party I dress very promiscious (and when I 'm working its a requirement) and I get alot of attention, which is nice, but men want nothing but sex and I am not that type of person at all. I binge eat worse than anyone I have ever met. I hate that too because it fuels my happiness in the moment, but leads to further weight gain. I am guilty of pretty much doing anything to try to feel happy (alcohol...etc.), but those are short lived. I am in so much debt because I impulse shop all the time for stuff I don't even need (Like junk food, substances, make-up and image enhancing items) and it feels great in the moment until the relentless bill collectors call. I frequently feel like my life is pretty much a movie, and sometime I feel like I am watched myself from the outside, like I am our of body and looking in on myself. I don't know how I feel about this, its just an observation. Nobody really knows the real me, I don't think anyone ever will. On the outside, people think I am nice, easy-going, smart, sexy, conceited, hard-working, and think I have alot going for me. In reality, I am the opposite of this, I am good at putting on fronts and acting happy, its gotten me this far, but I'm tired of doing it. My life looks "great" on paper and from a distance, to bad I alwways feel like I am breaking inside for no good reasion. Social norms are disgusting to me and I'm tired of trying to live that successful and perfect life. Any advice or comments would help so much!