hi, everyone. it's my first time ever to post here. i thought of posting before--not only under this topic--but under the other topics of this forum/site. however, this thing i am about to share has, actually, bothered me the most. so, here goes... i dunno if u guys will think that i have disorder or not, but, at least, my parents are convinced. they even say it with disgust and look at my likewise just because of it. anyways--so, i used to be underweight when i was a child. my mom had me overweight after, thinking it's unhealthy for a child to be so. at the age of seven or so, i've lost all those weight, because i did a lot of physical activities that time. as years passed--in my last elementary years--i gained weight again, but did not become as fat as before. i became overweight too, i'll admit, but i didn't look as fat. that time, i used to eat even a whole box of pizza and a lot of sodas--even a whole 1.5 liters of it in a day. basically, i was glutton xD but, then i tried looking on the beautiful side of being thin, and, so i went on a diet for at most, a year. i, ultimately, starved myself everyday. i had school that time and was so stressed of it--and at the same time, did not have enough kCal/energy because of how so little i ate. i used to weigh between 112 pounds to 120 pounds, which is considered overweight for my age and height (5 feet), and now, i weigh 43.4 kilograms. i am nearly underweight. i had to starve myself to get that weight. i'll admit, i'm happy that i weigh that now and it's an achievement for me. now, all i have to do is maintain that weight. i checked my recommended daily calorie intake and it said: 1 370 calories MAX. the problem is... i find that very little, and i can't live forever DEPRIVING myself from my favorite foods and even going out with my family in eating out. they think i'm anorexic because i'm so preoccupied from gaining even a pound. i'll admit that i am preoccupied but not anorexic. i don't want to gain weight but i can't stand the sight of food and still get tempted. my metabolism is just TERRIBLY slow. i go to martial art classes every other day for three hours and five hours for saturdays. i want to live like a normal person, who doesn't care abt what she eats and have other things to think about. i don't even feel full from eating 1 370 calories. i even feel hungry. almost all foods are more than 1 370 calories. i can't even eat breakfast without going over my calorie limit. today, i think i ate too much. i had seven white breads, three small scoops of cheese, a cup of prune juice, a small chocolate bar, two spoons of rice, and three pork chops. i found out all those, when added up, is around 2 000 to 2 100 calories. i feel like giving up and i hate it. i've been fat more than half my life and people calling me pig. i worked so hard to get this weight. don't tell em it'll all go down to em getting fat again and getting called a pig. pls help me. my parents even think i'm a waste of money and don't want to bring me to their wedding anniversary tomorrow because i might just eat little, "following my calorie limit again", they say.