Please, help me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rainfall, Feb 14, 2012.

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  1. Rainfall

    Rainfall Well-Known Member

    I used to be able to smile, in fact, a year ago, I could. A year ago I was in a relationship with Emily. She was the only person who cared about me, that made me feel human. It took several months for me to build up the courage to ask her out, and it was amazing when she said yes. For once, no amount of the regular bullying could have wiped the smile from my face.

    Then, one day, well into the relationship, she ended it. I skipped lunch and catch-up lessons just so I could see her that day. But, when she finally came in, the first thing she said was 'Goodbye. We're through' and left without ever giving a reason. I don't know what I did, and I'll never know. I never even got to tell her that I had fallen in love with her.

    Then the bullying got worse. Although they stopped punching me, they started to ignore me, ignore my existence, ignore everything I do. Everyone did it. Everyone. All my 'friends', all my classmates. The schoo wouldn't do anything to help me. Even my own family started to faze me out.

    Then, I lost many of my outside family: either to accidents, illness or suicide. I just couldn't take it anymore, so I tried to end it.

    I've done 3 suicide attempts, and I know that, soon, I'll do another, if I don't get help. I've tried everything, but nothing works. I just want to be happy again, to not feel like an outcast. I know my problems are minuscule compared to others, but please, help me.
  2. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    Your problems may be miniscule to others, but it is not others you are talking about. Your problems are big to you. Have you tried calling your ex, just to talk, to fund out why she left you. I believe she owes you an explanation. It's the least you deserve.

    You said also you have tried everything, have you been to doctors?

    And also no matter how alone you are there will always be someone here to talk to
  3. Rainfall

    Rainfall Well-Known Member

    I've tried calling her, speaking to her, but she always finds an excuse to leave and ignore me. And I've tried the doctors, and Ge tried his best, but even after 6 months, nothing he's done has changed anything.
  4. Pennylane-

    Pennylane- New Member

    Hi Rainfall, I'm not usually an advocate of anti-depressants, but when you're really low, they switch your brain off for a little bit. make an appointment with your doctor and try to be brave and tell him/her that you are having suicidal thoughts. If he/she is not forth coming with a prescription, tell him/her you feel as though you need them for a while.

    Don't worry if you've been before and you didn't take the tablets, they won't mind.

    When you get your prescription, take them exactly the way they tell you to, you may feel a little worse for a couple of days, even a bit spaced out, but after a couple of weeks ( I know that sounds like a long time, but take one day at a time) you will start to steady out. You may feel a bit numb but sometimes when things get really bad
    you need to feel a little numb for a while.

    Try to stick with taking your medication for as long as you can, even if you think you feel better, after 6 months, maybe a year you will feel strong enough to start welcoming back your natural emotions.

    Then talk to your doctor again, and he will help you come off the medication. Remember that is what they are there for, what they are paid to do, you are not asking a favour, you are collecting a service.
  5. Rainfall

    Rainfall Well-Known Member

    The last thing I wanted was to go onto happy pills, but if that's the best option, I'll take it.
  6. Pennylane-

    Pennylane- New Member

    It's not for forever, just for a little while.
  7. Rainfall

    Rainfall Well-Known Member

    I know, I just hope the medication doesn't change me too much
  8. cirque

    cirque New Member

    The medication won't change you. it will just ease away the gnawing pain the edge to it and let you function, and belieave me that's a good thing.
  9. Rainfall

    Rainfall Well-Known Member

    Fine, I'll try the happy pills...I just hope it doesn't bring artificial happiness.
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