I was raped 13 years ago by an ex school teacher. Now I'm finally in the process of pressing charges against him. I know very well that there's a slim to none chance that they'll charge him because of the time elaspsed and because there's no evidence but I'm resolute and I know I have to do this. The thing is I just feel so, so desperately tired. I've always struggled with depression and anxiety since I was a small child and I can't remember when I didn't feel this way. I feel as if I'm spiraling out of control..I just can't cope. Also on top of this I'm adopted. I met my birth mother for the first time about 11 years ago. We've both worked our buts off trying to make it work...but I just can't do it anymore. She's wonderful but aloof and...Oh God, it hurts so much I can't stand it. Recently I just blew up at her and told her I couldn't do it anymore. I cringe at the things I said to her. It was like I took hold of our relationship and just smashed it on the ground between us. If there's any hope of our relationship ever working and of me being to deal with it it'll be God's doing not mine. I just CANNOT do it anymore... So there it all is...I've spilled some of it out. It's been souring in my emotional stomach for sooo long...I don't know what to do. On and off for a long time I've been tempted to kill myself but I have kids...and a husband. I'm determined not to do it but it's always there hovering over me when I get desperate. WHEN AM I EVER NOT GOING TO HURT? I'm sorry this is so ridiculously long. Anybody out there. PLease help.