Please help... My best friend won't even talk to me

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Blink, Sep 10, 2009.

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  1. Blink

    Blink New Member

    I have been suicidal for about a week straight. I wake up in the morning wishing I died in my sleep. I have been telling my friend I'm going to kill myself every day. There's nothing he can say that will make me not want to do this. I hate myself, and I'm pretty sure everybody else does too. I'm so fucking sick of life, I wish every day that I was dead.
     
  2. jeannate

    jeannate Active Member

    I am sorry you feel this way. I can't give you a lot of support because I know there are those times that I really want to die as well. My back and joint pain is so bad sometimes I feel like, why should someone be alive and hurt this much? I get so tired that I can't get out of bed and I wonder why I even bother trying to get up ever again. In order to save your friend from any guilt or bad feelings, I wouldn't say anything to him. Especially since you have said there is nothing he could do to stop you if you decide to do it. I know you need to vent, but friends and family get overwhelmed with your pain. They sometimes feel like you should just get over it. I always hear people in my family using other people as examples for me to follow. You know like this guy who had no legs doing something amazing or this other person who was a quadriplegic accomplishing something wonderful. There is no comparison with me. Just because someone else does something and appears to be in worse shape than I am does not mean that I should be able to do what they have done. In fact, appearances can be deceiving. We don't know the type of pain they suffered and what these people had to overcome to accomplish these great things. We don't know what kind of background and support system they had to help them through their problems. Friends and family think somehow they are motivating you, helping you with some of the techniques they choose and it only hurts you worse. Or they say awful things because they are sick of hearing you complain. I have gone through this for years now. With all of my family and friends I pretend like everything is wonderful. Sometimes they ask about my pain level and rather than lie and say it's great, I try to divert conversation away from it. But I never share how I am really feeling because then I will get the crap I hate hearing from them. What I guess I am saying is, unless they have gone through it, others have no concept of what depression is like. And sometimes even if they went through that pain of depression, they forget how hard it was. I just find it is hard to relate with my friends and family and I can understand what you are saying. But you can talk here. It is a good forum to vent and tell people how you feel. I know I can't be my true self with anyone else and I needed someplace where I could be real. Sometimes I am very depressed and in a lot of pain, and I don't always want to pretend I feel differently. That is why I came here, in hopes of being able to be who I really am. I hope this helps you with the same thing.
     
  3. Blink

    Blink New Member

    Thank you for replying. I really understand what your saying. My friend always tells me things will get better, and I believed him at first. But everytime I try to be a good person, I just get fucked over again. I have tried multiple times to end my worthless, but I'm not even fucking brave enough to end the pain. The only thing keeping me alive is that I love my friend. He is the only one that's been there for me. He even called an ambulance for me, when I would have died. I have no self esteem, I feel like he and everyone else hates me
     
  4. jeannate

    jeannate Active Member

    I am sure he doesn't hate you. He probably hates that you feel so awful so much of the time, but he doesn't hate you. If he did hate you, he wouldn't have called an ambulance for you or been there for you. I get fucked over a lot myself. I am very generous to people and then I find out those people were using me for something. I go out of my way to help people, because I hate to see them suffer and it always bites me in the ass. You are supposed to be kind to others and the idea is it will come back to you as kindness. But it never does for me. I get screwed all the time. I think most depressed people have poor self esteem so you aren't alone. But as I said before, I doubt anyone hates you. I just think they don't know what to say or how to help you. So instead of listening they make stupid comments or assumptions about your pain. They just don't know. It is their ignorance on what to do, not that they have any bad feelings for you.
     
  5. Blink

    Blink New Member

    I wish I could believe he didn't hate me. I don't know how much longer I can go on. All I want is to die, so I can stop causing pain to my family and friends
     
  6. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    not everyone hates you. and your friend is probably struggling himself. he cares about you obviously. i know that its not always an easy question to answer but why do you feel like this?
     
  7. jeannate

    jeannate Active Member

    Well I know that it is hard to fight that feeling like people are against you. I feel like that often. Right now it is easy for me to say the logical things I say because although I am not terribly happy, I am not suicidal either. But when you are feeling as you do right now, you get these feelings and you can't see yourself out of them. But try to hold on. I know it is hard, but hang in there.
     
  8. Blink

    Blink New Member

    Well, a lot of reasons, which I have been told are reasons that are not worth killing myself over, but they make me feel that way. It started when my brother would practically torture me almost daily. He has moved out since, but my problems have just gotten worse. I never had any "real" friends, besides the one I have now (who is now not talking to me) I used to be able to go to this place I take music lessons. I went there to escape my problems at home. I got kicked out of there for selling weed.(the only reason I was selling it is because I needed money to eat). I also have bad emotional problems. Sometimes it prevents me from interacting with people and doing schoolwork. I have stayed home because I have been too depressed to go to school. I am on medication, but it really is not helping. My depression is only getting worse. I know these things don't seem bad, but they make me feel horrible
     
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