Please help, someone to talk to, anything.

Hi i just joined this forum, i'm a 22 year old guy and i need help. Basically i will have known this girl on the internet for 10 years in Febuary, i am in love with this girl to the point of being physically sick, this is the girl who said she loved me, wanted to marry me, and have my children someday. This morning i woke up and waited for her phone call, when i was waiting i got bored and decided to type her name into a search engine just to find her performance pics(shes an actor and singer), when i came across an internet blog of a man she had supposedly been with for 3 years and had moved in with her but has now left her saying what a terrible person she has been, using "men" as a stepping stone to find her true love and making them feel bad. After 10 years i'm supposed to go visit her in April. This has been a terrible blow to me today and i am crippled both mentally and physically, i am alone right now and feel very suicidal, i've been crying constantly for 6 hours now and so i can't build up the courage or the strength to call a helpline. This girl has left me behind before when i needed her the most, i ended up in a mental hospital because of depression and she just left me to it. I'm trying to refuse what i've read about her and i still love her and want her in my life but its going to kill me. Someone please help.

 

Hi there and welcome to the forum,

I'm so sorry that you're feeling so low and suicidal at the moment.. the situation you're in sounds very confusing and lonely so i'm glad that you found this forum and have been able to reach out. Have you spoken with this girl today at all? I am just asking because i wonder whether it would help to ask her outright whether this is true (i.e. whether this other man's blog is credible). Either way it sounds like you love this woman very much and it's unbearable to think of your life without her

Listening
Jenny x

 

wow that is a betrayal
how many times had you met her in person and have you confronted her?

 

To both of you, i haven't met her yet in reality. I already know all about her life and her friends and i honestly don't care how she looks because she is a sweetheart and shes beautiful anyway. I've just spoken to her in the internet(she won't speak on the phone now), i showed her the article .. all 5 pages, and she denys every word of it saying that she was just friends with him when they fell out and have since made up being friends again .. but thats a barefaced lie because its all there what she did in writing. She just said she had to go and she would see me later. I asked how much later but she couldn't give me an answer to that and just left without saying she loved me or something nice as she usually does. I am getting weary.

 

without being rude i don't think she has respected you one bit or treated you fairly. if you haven't met her in 10 yrs of communication that is unusual in the least. do you know why this was?
i think you need to move on... heal your hurt and find somebody worth you....
nobody deserves to be disrespected x

 

In my opinion having a long distant internet relationship is dangerous. The person on the other end can make up a fairytale life just for there own entertainment. You also don't have that physical bond ( i'm not talking sex). What I am talking about is eye contact when your talking, touch, going thru good/bad times together, and being there to comfort each other. If I were you I would sit back and reevaluate just what you are feeling. Just remember you have had no one on one contact with this person...~Joseph~

 

The main reason we hadn't met earlier is because she still hasn't got a full time job to pay for a flight and i didn't have the money either up until recently.

As i'd said before i'm supposed to be visiting her for the first time in April. I'd planned to move out there to work anyway so if it did work out it would be great.

 

Sounds really tough.. you're faced with something written online showing you one thing but she is saying another.. who or what should you believe? I hope she is able to speak to you again soon so that this can be sorted out.. it sounds like a really difficult place for you at the moment. How are you feeling now? xx

 

So do i but i don't know when i will hear from her again, she said she didn't like that i had accused her which i obviously didn't, all i did was show her the blogs and ask her what she thought. Right now i'm getting worse by the hour, i threw up earlier and i'm feeling really ill and unsettled, i've been getting ready to hang myself its all i see right now, so afraid and so alone.

 

Let me ask you a question, LM7. Do you really think well of yourself? Do you think of youreslf as a guy that many, many girls would be LUCKY to have? Okay, maybe you are not Brad Pitt, but so what?

It seems to me that a multi-year internet devotion to a woman you never actually met in person is simply not normal or natural. I am not saying SHE is not a good person. I can't tell if she is good or bad. I am just saying it is like someone who sits down at a beautiful meal and says "Wow, looks good."

Fine. Maybe it does indeed look good. But if the person keeps saying "Wow, looks good" for 2 or three hours and does not get around to eating the meal, would you not think there is something wrong?

Is it possible that you cling to this cyber romance because you think so little of yourself that you figure this is as close as you will come to a girl loving you?

I realize these are hard and even cruel questions to ask someone who is right now heartbroken and suicidal, but look at it this way. Maybe this is a signal to leave the "safe" but unnatural world or cyber-romance and go out there and meet a real flesh-and-blood girl. My guess is that right now you are frightened as hell of doing that. But maybe this is just the push you need.

It's an ill wind that blows nobody any good. Maybe the present crisis in your life, painful as it is, will make you leave the "womb" of cyber romance and get out there and get a real woman in your arms.

 

I hear that hanging yourself is all that you can see right now, but it's not the only option and, i know it sounds cliche, but these feelings will pass. How do you feel now about calling a helpline? Do you feel it might help? If you're in the UK then the samaritans are very helpful when you need to offload and not be alone. Of course we're here too x

 

Just thought I'd pop in and see how you're doing today? I hope you're "ok" or as ok as you can be under the circumstances. :hug:

 

Hiya

I've only joined recently aswell and found this forum to be really helpful. I haven't had any internet romances myself but there's nothing to say that it's not normal or unnatural. Who can define what's "normal" in a world of almost 7 billion people? But I think Stranger1 is right in saying that you can't really say you know someone who you've never met in person. Not only is touch and eye contact important for a long lasting relationship but body language can tell a lot about a person aswell and this you can't get by only talking over the phone or through the internet.

People use the internet these days for a lot of things, good and bad. Maybe it's true what she said about the other guy, maybe he was annoyed at something she said / did and just posted that to make her look bad because he knew how much you meant to her? Maybe it's not true and she has been seeing him on the side. These are things that you can't ever really know unless you see her in person and challenge her with the question.

IMHO, internet romance is a very distant romance and there can be no real spontaneity in it, anything that is perceived as spontaneous can only be based on the imagination of the people involved. And this is where it gets dangerous. You could both have very different ideas of where you are in this relationship. Maybe she just wants some anonymous person to chat to while you are looking for something deeper. Of course, what everyone looks for in a relationship is different from the next person, but I only use that as an example.

I hope things will work out for you either way and that you feel better soon.

 

I honestly don't understand anymore nor do i have the strength to answer you all individually, i managed to make it through the night without doing anything stupid. I've been able to hide my feelings from family so far, i'm supposed to be having dinner with my parents today and i don't know how i'm going to do it, i find it really hard to eat because i feel so sick and weak and every second i'm on the verge of tears. I don't know how i'm supposed to deal with work tomorrow, tomorrow might not be.:sad: How can you be the happiest guy on earth one day and ready to die the next?

 

It sounds devastating.. no need to reply to each of us individually, sounds like you need all your energy to look after yourself right now and keep safe. I hope your meal with parents goes/went well today. Would being at work help keep your mind busy or is it possible to call in sick? :hug:

 

First of all, I just want to say that I know what its like to feel physically ill over a girl. Thats happend to me a few times in my life so I get where you are coming from on that.

I'm not sure you're going to like my advice on this cause it's probably not what you want to hear, but I'm going to tell you anyways cause I think its most likely the best thing.......

You need to let this one go man, move on, find someone else. First of all, 10 years is a rediculously long amount of time to devote yourself to a girl whom you've never met. My personal record for an internet fling is about 14 months, and looking back now, in hindsight, I realize how silly I was being getting myself all worked up over a woman I barely knew. You say you know her well, know everything about her, but do you really? how do you know that? You also said that she won't talk with you on the phone.......that should be a HUGE red flag right there that she is hiding something, or alot of things from you actually.

When you brought up the blog about her that you found, she immediately got all defensive about it, signed off quickly apparently, and is now not talking to you.......does that sound like the actions of a person with nothing to hide to you? Also, you said she denied it saying she was just friends with the guy. Has she ever mentioned this so called "friend" to you before? I'm guessing no, and if thats the case, then you really don't know as much about her as you think you do.

I think you know that your gut feelings are right, but you just don't want to accept them, which I can understand. I mean, holy fuck! 10 years is ALOT of time to be emotionally invested in someone. I can't even imagine it myself. I can see how it's gonna be nearly impossible for you to let this one go at this point, but I think you really need to do that, for your own good, and your sanity. Think about it, if she's making you pysically sick, is she really worth it? The sooner you break things off with her, the sooner you can start the healing proccess of getting over her.

I know she claims that she's gonna meet you in April, but really man....she won't even talk to you on the phone, after 10 years no less! What makes you think she sincerely wants to meet you? My hunch tells me she is gonna use this incident as an excuse to either not meet you, or postpone the meeting. If she does that, then you definetely need to say goodbye and move in a new direction with your life.

Sorry dude, but this one doesn't sound like she's worth it to me. You wanted honest opinions, there's mine.

 

hi. i am so glad you came here. . . it has helped me. the threat of losing someone you care deeply about, is very painful, very frightening, very intense.

regardless of the situation of your relationship, you obviously DO care very much for this person.

please reach out - either on here, or a friend that will stay with you until the crisis has passed, either in person or on the phone. . . you are not thinking straight right now because of the pain and fear.

you did a positive thing by reaching out - the world is better if you stay in it! so keep reaching out - we care about you hun :hug:

 

Hey LM7,
Just checking in with you to see if you are doing any better? You say your physically ill and mentally tired over this. It sounds to me like you have already started the greiving stage. Something inside of you is telling you that the advice your receiving is true.
I know it is overwhelming to think because you have had so many replys to your thread. Be assured we only have your best interest and welfare in mind. We stand beside you in what ever you decide is best for you and there is usually someone on line all the time if you need to talk. Take Care!!~Joseph~

 

it has now been 6 days and she has talked to me again like nothing ever happened until thursdayy night and on the phone she was very sharp with me saying she needed to be left alone and that she has disappointed me, i'd questioned her about why she was behaving this way and she hung up it seems the only reason she wants to call me now is to get off from listening to my stupid accent and voice, i've booked a flight that cost £600 and i cant get it refunded, i think shes just getting ready to throw me in the bin after all these years. ive just been talking to my mother about what has happened and she seems to be very worried and has said i've changed over the last week and is worried that i'm going to do something, i don't lie but in this case ive had to say no i'm not going to kill myself because shes already had a stroke from an abusive marriage and really doesn't need to suffer anything else. its true i've started to fail over the past 6 days, i've become very weak and often find myself in a stare i can't get out of, under my eyes are black because of the lack of sleep i'm guessing probably because ive went to work wednesday and thursday with no sleep whatsoever .. but enoufgh of that. i have no one to talk to about this or ease the pain, ikts the weekend and im at very high risk of suicide now, i just need someone to talk to on messenger or pm or something. i really appreciate everyones comments they have gave some kind of hope over the past few days. im sorry about lack of grammar or spelling, but i really dont have tgh patience to fix it.