Please Help :(

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Olly, Mar 8, 2013.

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  1. Olly

    Olly New Member

    Hi, my name's Olly and i am feeling very desperate and confused now. I have a really strong urge to kill myself. I go to university now in Britain and i have not gone to lectures or to my exams due to me not finding my timetable in the first couple of weeks. I could not bear to go after that because of my anxiety of being in the class. My student finance is now £1100 in debt as i did not receive my second payment, most probably due to me not attending exams.

    To list my problems, i have always had anxiety ever since i can remember, which has been a living hell in itself, as i could not talk to people or do any activities i wanted without me feeling scrutinized, and people thinking i was being mean/arrogant not talking to them. Then in year 10/11 (15/16 years old) school put loads of pressure on us and assigned many thousand word coursework pieces. I was terribly organised and lazy and began to stay up later and later to do them and became depressed. To make things even worse, i went to the doctors about a case of severe acne, and got prescribed accutane, which i then lied to the doctor about not being depressed. This made me feel 5X worse and Sixth Form became the worst part of my life, and i would cry for hours at night. Then everything started feeling like it was a dream, and after some researching i believe i also have so kind of dissociation disorder. I hate my life so much, but materially my actual life is really great with good parents, funny friends and no money worries at home. Mentally, though i'm a wreck. Thank you very much if you read this far and any advice would be nice. :(
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi Olly. welcome to Suicide forrum. First, I hope it would be okay to give you a safe :hug: Now, I dont want you to do anything to harm yourself. okay? There are people here who know about help lines you can call in England. and they are annynomous. and you have found us. So you are part of this community now.

    I am glad you have good parents and funny friends. But that doesnt stop the pain, does it. No. I wish you could tell the doctor the truth about the depression. Do you think that would be possible? Or is there another professional you feel you could talk to? Like a school counseller? I know you said that you did not tell the doctor the truth when you got the accutane.

    You said you were "lazy". Just to let you know, "lazy" is a sign of depression. So its more than likely that what you called lazy was really the beginnings of depression. So you do not have to judge yourself as having been lazy :)

    People will have different advice here. But I would support you in thinking about who you can talk to where you are now. In addition to coming here. Is there a school counseller? Or a doctor you would be able to talk to? Even if it was really scary? Remember you have suicide forum now as a support place to come to. We will help you when you need some extra courage to reach out for help. I know someone who lives in England. Shes a bit older than you. She was suffering from depression. She got some "happy pills" from the doctor. Thats what she calls the anti depressants. And she got therapy. Shes doing soooooo much better. Keep writing here. okay? And here is another safe :hug: from me to you. If you want it
  3. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Hi Olli, to add to Flower's post, the Samaritans is the 24hr crisis phone line and they also have an e-mail address. Your Uni will have a counselling service and a chaplaincy. You don't need to be a member of a faith to seek help from the chaplaincy. Your G.P surgery may also be able to help with referrals to NHS counselling services as well as prescribe medication. Please ask /PM if there are any specific questions I may be able to answer.
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