Hi, my name's Olly and i am feeling very desperate and confused now. I have a really strong urge to kill myself. I go to university now in Britain and i have not gone to lectures or to my exams due to me not finding my timetable in the first couple of weeks. I could not bear to go after that because of my anxiety of being in the class. My student finance is now £1100 in debt as i did not receive my second payment, most probably due to me not attending exams. To list my problems, i have always had anxiety ever since i can remember, which has been a living hell in itself, as i could not talk to people or do any activities i wanted without me feeling scrutinized, and people thinking i was being mean/arrogant not talking to them. Then in year 10/11 (15/16 years old) school put loads of pressure on us and assigned many thousand word coursework pieces. I was terribly organised and lazy and began to stay up later and later to do them and became depressed. To make things even worse, i went to the doctors about a case of severe acne, and got prescribed accutane, which i then lied to the doctor about not being depressed. This made me feel 5X worse and Sixth Form became the worst part of my life, and i would cry for hours at night. Then everything started feeling like it was a dream, and after some researching i believe i also have so kind of dissociation disorder. I hate my life so much, but materially my actual life is really great with good parents, funny friends and no money worries at home. Mentally, though i'm a wreck. Thank you very much if you read this far and any advice would be nice.