Please help!

[ellie23]

Hi, I am new to this site, i found it accidently,I didint know these kind of sites existed, I hope someone can help, I just don't know what to do im 23 but it all started when i was 10 and lost my dad, he was my whole world and till this day i still havent cme to terms with his death, ever since my dad died all I have experienced is loss after loss, i. it really messed with head. i first tried to end it all when I was 15, I just got to the stage where enough was enough and I ended up in hospital after that I came very close to doing again and again but for some reason I managed to stop myself but I always had those thoughts, there wasnt a day where i wouldnt cry, never in front of anyone,if someone was with me I would bottle it up until i was on my own, i would usually cry myself to sleep then a few years ago i was at home and saw a picture of my dad and just wanted to be with him, so i tried to end it again,one minute i'm taking pills the next im waking up in hospital with my mum crying asking me why, I felt so selfish how could i do this to her, it was then i decided i wasgonna turn my life around and do whatever i could to make a better life for myself and for a few years I kind of managed to, I still had suicidal thoughts from time to time but never as bad as before, my confidence grew, i was a different person, i loved who i had become and then in april of this year my grandad passed away he was like a second father to me, I was devestated, me and my mum were the ones who found him at the bottom of the stairs and all those horrible feelngs started flooding back, i was so scared it was going to start all over again and then a month later I met my boyfriend and he changed all that we have been together 7 months and i love him so much but for the last month i've felt myself going back to my old ways, my confidence has gone, i hardly go out anymore and i just want to end it all, I was going to do it tonight but then i came across this site, my boyfriend doesnt live that close to me and I don't feel he would understand, I just feel so alone, i'm moving in with him in january but im scared coz I am moving away from all my family and friends. i can't stop crying, one minute i feel ok and the next i just want to end it. please someone help,please.

 

[Terry]

:welcome: Ellie and hope u find the support and help you need.

We is a nice crowd and will do all we can to get u thru this bad time

 

[gentlelady]

:welcome: to SF. I am sure you will find people that can relate to how you feel. I hope you find the support you need. Take care hun. :hug:

 

[Advice For All]

Wow u have ben through so much I dunno what to say ebcause nothing I will or can say will make u feel any better or take away the hurt or pain or will even matter right now.

All I can say is that I have been thru ome tough times but trust me in time it gets easier I know it doesnt feel like it because its been years for u the pain never fully goes away but it does get better with time.

Am here if u want to chat I dont plan on going anywhere and I hope I can bring some comfort to you it sounds like u have an amazing mum and an amazing boyfriend.

Anyway yea I hope ur kk and feel better soon dont do anything hun its not worth it ur young and have so much to live for 1 day u will look back and see that these are the times that made u such a strong person.

Dont take ur life u have so much to live for a wholelife ahead of you.

And ur loved

Take Care

Rick

 

[Sadeyes]

hi and welcome...it does seem that in the most vunerable times, we remember other things that have brought us to a similar place...I do not think we are adding salt to the wound, but instead, continuing to try to resolve things we may never be able to wrap our minds around...hope you find the support (professional and peer) that will affirm your strength...again welcome and know we are to support you...big hugs, Jackie

 

[ellie23]

Thanks for your support, i just don't think i can deal with all this again

 

[jane doe]

you need to keep trying is all that we have hun. and welcome to the forum. yuo can om me at any time if you need it