Hi, I am new to this site, i found it accidently,I didint know these kind of sites existed, I hope someone can help, I just don't know what to do im 23 but it all started when i was 10 and lost my dad, he was my whole world and till this day i still havent cme to terms with his death, ever since my dad died all I have experienced is loss after loss, i. it really messed with head. i first tried to end it all when I was 15, I just got to the stage where enough was enough and I ended up in hospital after that I came very close to doing again and again but for some reason I managed to stop myself but I always had those thoughts, there wasnt a day where i wouldnt cry, never in front of anyone,if someone was with me I would bottle it up until i was on my own, i would usually cry myself to sleep then a few years ago i was at home and saw a picture of my dad and just wanted to be with him, so i tried to end it again,one minute i'm taking pills the next im waking up in hospital with my mum crying asking me why, I felt so selfish how could i do this to her, it was then i decided i wasgonna turn my life around and do whatever i could to make a better life for myself and for a few years I kind of managed to, I still had suicidal thoughts from time to time but never as bad as before, my confidence grew, i was a different person, i loved who i had become and then in april of this year my grandad passed away he was like a second father to me, I was devestated, me and my mum were the ones who found him at the bottom of the stairs and all those horrible feelngs started flooding back, i was so scared it was going to start all over again and then a month later I met my boyfriend and he changed all that we have been together 7 months and i love him so much but for the last month i've felt myself going back to my old ways, my confidence has gone, i hardly go out anymore and i just want to end it all, I was going to do it tonight but then i came across this site, my boyfriend doesnt live that close to me and I don't feel he would understand, I just feel so alone, i'm moving in with him in january but im scared coz I am moving away from all my family and friends. i can't stop crying, one minute i feel ok and the next i just want to end it. please someone help,please.