Please help

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by K8E, Jun 10, 2014.

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  1. K8E

    K8E Well-Known Member

    I am in hell. I have a long and complicated history of family problems including physical and emotional abuse. I have a life threatening and disabling medical condition, major depressive disorder and generalised anxiety disorder, I am in the middle of my second divorce, my Dad is terminally ill, my son is barely in touch with me (he left home a couple of months ago, aged 25, now living with his GF), I have a stressful job. My beloved dog died in October (I miss her so much it physically hurts), I have moved in with my new partner who is lovely, sweet, gentle but has his own quirks, depressive disorder and several previous suicide attempts.
    I don't know what I'm doing anymore and just want it all to stop. I see my psychiatrist every few weeks but I can't tell him or my partner how I'm feeling because I'm frightened of being hospitalised and/or my new partner leaving me.
    I feel as if I've completely messed my and my family's lives up. I have no friends apart from colleagues and spend my life pretending to be things that I am not. I am so sick and tired. I just want it all to stop. A couple of weeks ago I started to hang myself at work but got scared when I became <Mod Edit: Music: Methods>Sometimes I scare myself because the impulse gets so strong. But I don't want to hurt other people. I just want to die. Not wake up. Irony is I have a sudden death syndrome but the doctors insisted on my having a defibrillator. I feel cheated and despairing. I hate myself for being such a self pitying mess.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 10, 2014
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, I have approved your post but edited out some suicide methods. When a senior mod or admin comes online your account will then be approved.

    As for how you are feeling, I think you need to be very honest with your psychiatrist, they are not your enemies, there to help you. That should be your first step, IMO. Good luck x
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is hard talking to people hun about how you are feeling i get that and no one will hospitalize you they will however change your medication a bit and watch you closer that all
    if you promise to to harm yourself but be patient with med changes thing will be ok
    You son may have moved on with his gf but he will always need you always that i know ok so please don't leave him with the pain of your suicide don't take his happiness away hun and leave him with darkness
    keep reaching out here ok keep talking to us
  4. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    K8E - Hi and pleased to meet you, thank you for reaching out to SF. We try to give as much support and encouragement (guidance/advice sometimes too) as we can - most of us have had experience of being in hell - I know I have, and was rescued from my attempt which nearly worked - I know how you feel and what it is like to feel like you've completely messed up. But I do want to encourage you that there is a way through, with insights to help the thinking into acceptance of the things which can't be changed, understanding of how to start to change the things that can, and the wisdom to know the difference (to quote someone famous). I have the details of a very good mentor/counsellor who taught me these things so I could regain my hope and get new perspectives, I can PM these to you if you'd like :)
  5. K8E

    K8E Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for your replies. The thing is with the health problems and the depression and anxiety I know that they are not going to change. I know I should talk to my psych but all he does is change or increase medications. You won't be surprised to hear that I have tapered off all of them apart from my antidepressant. It took a month but the clarity in my thought, my short memory improvement was amazing. The other thing I hate feeling is stupid, which I do when I'm on all of mess. I just feel so trapped. What has stopped me from attempting in the past is the thought of hurting others - even strangers, but sometimes the pain is too much......I don't want to hurt others, but without being drugged into a stupor I don't see a way out. Sorry for being so negative but I'm glad that I've found this site. xx
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