Please Help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by alienbunny, Sep 4, 2014.

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  1. alienbunny

    alienbunny New Member

    Hello everyone. As I said in my 'welcome' post, I am a little bit embarrassed by the fact that I am here posting today. I think it's wonderful that suicidal and depressed individuals have a support group, but I'm having a hard time recognizing as someone that is suicidal because prior to today I have never considered it.

    A few months ago my father passed away. He had a heart attack and it was sudden. I have been close to him all of my life and dealt with his passing by traveling with my boyfriend and looking for any and all distractions possible. I'm not one to grieve openly and I guess many would say I'm hardened. I was doing fine. I have fallen into a habit of drinking far more than I used to. A few days ago I found myself lying in my car in the early hours of the morning after a party. I have no recollection of what happened that night and it's not like me to be so reckless but the last few months I have been much but not responsible. I have been nervous and anxious about what happened that night and Tuesday mid afternoon started getting flashbacks of possible events-- but I didn't know if it was my paranoia. Later Tuesday night I started remembering who I was talking to that night and tried to write out the last of what I could remember. I tried hard afterwards to forget about the incident but this morning I received text messages from a phone number taunting me about Saturday night. I don't know if it's a joke or an actual assault took place but I couldn't function all day today and I felt nervous and threw up twice. I don't want to talk to my friends or family about it and the number when I call it has a google voice mailbox set up to it. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it all day and for the first time in my life felt tempted to swallow pesticide and went as far as starting to write a note to my family. I swear this has been the first time I've ever even considered it. And on my way home from my uncle's home I kept daydreaming about crashing my car. I am dreading getting another text and am not sure what to do.
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    This is a post of 2 halves.
    The first part, obviously you are grieving, but trying not to; hence the drinking.
    I know how awful it is to lose one's father, having lost mine 3 years ago.
    It still has a habit of creeping up on me and it's like being hit with a sledge hammer.
    Make sure you let yourself grieve, dodging it only works for a while and then wham!

    As to the second part of your post, is there anyone you can ask from the party, who you were hanging out with?
    This might give you some indication of who texted you.
    Did you feel in anyway violated when you woke up? and if so, then get yourself examined and tested for any STDs.
    Hypnosis could give you the information you need if you wanted to go that route.
    If the creep texts you again I would seriously consider going to the police, and or a rape crisis centre, whoever it is needs to be stopped.
  3. alienbunny

    alienbunny New Member

    @ Terry, Thank you for responding. I talked to a few people (I only knew two at the party). They had left before me and had left me in the company of a mutual friend-- I kept insisting they do so. I can't get a hold of that friend (tried numerous different angles). I have felt pretty disconnected and nervous the last week and half. The texts are still coming but every few days and I'm feeling more and more stressed. I have yet to tell someone about it, truth is I know a lot of people but am not close to anyone. I haven't even confided in my boyfriend about it. Somehow feels embarrassing or something I want to put off. I have been researching into doing a rape kit but fear that it's too late.
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