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Please help.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by SilentScream, Apr 28, 2015.

  1. SilentScream

    SilentScream Well-Known Member


    I have been in love with this girl for several months now and she's in love with me too.
    A couple of weeks ago I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes.

    Thing is, we both live in different countries and last weekend we met for the first time..
    We had a great time and she is absolutely lovely and I'm crazy in love with her, as is she.

    But, there's a barrier, a heavy one.
    Her parents, who abuse her, physically and mentally..
    They put her down on everything, scream at her, threaten her and slap her.
    She lied to her mom about meeting me, because she knew she otherwise could not meet me.
    But, her mom found out and called her and threatened her and screamed at her and told her to never see me again or talk to me, or she'll be kicked out of the house.. Literally.

    Ofcourse she is trying to fight it and we're still talking and such, but..
    I have no idea how to eventually solve this..
    I really want to meet her again and be happy together, I am so afraid of losing her.

    Please help..?
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there,

    Sorry to hear about your dilemma but glad the time you spent with her was great. What reasoning do they have for them to forbid her seeing you? How old is she may I ask?
    I hope it works out but sounds like a tough situation.
  3. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'm so sorry about situation especially when you come different countries. Relationships are hard but her parents are very manipulating. The threat issued was not nice.

    You seem to be young but there is nothing stopping you waiting until she is at the right age of consent. You have to in the mean time have to tread carefully. There is nothing stopping you continuing the relationship via email or skype or email. I understand that this may not sound not nice but if she is worth it then she will wait for you. You are feeling hurt and want to be with her.

    If there is a cultural difference then social acceptance from her family will be hard. You will need the approval of her parents first or otherwise you are fighting a losing battle. If she decides to leave home then are you and family able to give her financial and social housing support. There are many ways around the situation. The other possible outcome you need to consider is that she leaves her family for you and perhaps if the relationship does not last. Then she has lost you and her family relations. It's a very tricky situation to deal with alone.

    There is nothing remaining true to each other and planning for the future where you both can be together in the long term. If you are young then focus on building a future together. You need to make your parents aware of the situation so you are not hurting or suffering alone. Please remain strong and keep posting for continuous support. Do not act on any feelings but be strong.
  4. SilentScream

    SilentScream Well-Known Member

    Thank you very much for the replies!

    She is 21 years old, just like me..
    And the reason her parents d not want her to see me or speak to me, is because they don't give a tiny bit about her,
    everytime she is happy, they take it away from her..

    I told her that I understand and that it will be difficult, but I will be waiting.
    We used to skype call every day, which we now can't..
    If her parents find out she still calls me or talks to me, she'll get thrown out, so we have to be sneaky and careful.

    Her parents are very aware of what they are doing to her.. Her mom said.. "I will not do to your little brother what I've done to you.", but yet she goes on being like that and threatens her brother aswell.

    I hope this will be okay. :(
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Sounds like they could be over protective and using 'ill throw you out'' as a cover. She is 21, is she in college/work? Does she want to choose you over her family if it came down to be. Thread carefully on this and think things through.

    All the best, petal
  6. SilentScream

    SilentScream Well-Known Member

    I also thought it could be that they are protective, but it's the far opposite..
    They beat her, put her in the ground, force her to give her money to them, scream at her and so on..

    And I did not give her that choice, to choose them or me..
    I think that's not a fair choice to give.. The choice should be them or herself, and I'm sure she'd choose for herself in this matter.

    And yes, she works at a nursery and actually could afford a place for her own, but she's suffering with anxiety attacks she told me and I experienced.. So, being alone kinda scares her.

    And yes, told her that whatever decision she makes, I'll support her and respect it.. Even if that would mean she had to let me go..
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You sure sound like an awesome guy, no wonder she likes you a lot lol :p

    Back to the parenting issues, that is abuse plain and simple, could she possibly be exaggerating(not on purpose but because of anxiety) what is going on or if she's not then she really needs to get out of that toxic environment. No one deserves to be treated that way. I hope she gets out of there and lives her life on her terms. Are her parents in any way mentally ill?
  8. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    The physical abuse is not right and is a definite crime that could result in criminal charges. Her safety is paramount and you need to consider that. The consequence of her next step could cause her to break up the family if it's reported to the authorities. It's difficult to deal with. You are an amazing person supporting her through this difficult time. Be strong for her as you are world and ROCK. Send her our support and get her to join the forum
    It will help her knowing we here for her.
  9. SilentScream

    SilentScream Well-Known Member

    Aw thank you! :)

    I just really love her and would do anything for seeing a smile on her face and knowing she's safe..
    We spoke about getting this all to court, and she even has witnesses, it's just really up to her wheter she dares to go into this or not.

    I think she'd first need to move out before anything could be done, like.. If it goes wrong, things will get worse and such. :/

    And I do not know if her parents are mentally ill..
    She lives with her mother and stephdad, and she says they have always treated her this way..
    When she was 11 she wanetd to end her life, because of all the shit she got thrown at her and her mother did not care.
    She ran away from home, crying, lonely, hungry, sad and depressed.. Her mother did not care, she continued shouting at her and called her an attention seeker and such..

    It angers me that such people exist and I just do not understand how someone can be so cruel to such a lovely girl.. :(

    Really her parents and ex boyfriends pretty much messed her up, it's a miracle she actually put trust into me and dares to love someone again..
    And her parents try to destroy it..
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    It is really saddening how they treat her. It also angers me that such people exist, why do they want her to be so miserable, has she ever done things untrustworthy in the past to them? She's 21 at the end of the day so should have some say in her own life. Let us know how things are going xx
  11. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You have to remain strong for yourself and her. I think your suggestion is good on waiting until she moves out. We are here for you and remember that. Take care the both of you.
  12. SilentScream

    SilentScream Well-Known Member

    Thank you very much for your help and kind words! :)
    We will try to make the best out of it! x
  13. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    She is an adult. She could leave them at any time. It would be difficult, but she wouldnt be abused anymore. She has to deal with her anxiety of being alone, and make the decision to leave.

    Two people who love each other, I would think would climb over mountains to be together, and definitely would do what it takes to get out of an abusive family and get their life started.