please help

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by darvosh, May 17, 2015.

  1. darvosh

    darvosh New Member

    i alreadyharmed myself , couldnt take out my life so i went with torture
    im 18 , i still didnt get accepted in unis even though i have high marks and everything and in my society it means im a failure ..
    i also had a crush on aguy for 3 years , i got attached too attached , i cant stand the thought of him leaving me
    he treats me badly , insults me , hurts me ,accuse me of ccheating on him with every XY chromosome
    but he was my best friend i cant let him go
    i cry every night when hes away and when hes near . last thing he said was "you are my dog tied beneath my feet"
    i feel cheap worthless , igot no friends was bullied ever since elementary , , i cant work , i feel choked , empty , broken to pieces .
    i feel like ive been burnt alive and the world now has my ashes each person in my life takes its share and ruin it .
    las thing i did was two days ago when i just ortured myself ... it felt somehow right , like it balances a bit
    i pray , i try to put my enrgy into drawing or music , but i feel like theres arope inside me , that strangling mme
    i feel like im in a tomb ...and my mind is telling me "you cant go out , and tomb is for dead ppl "
    im not good looking (zits acne frickles ) im not doing anything in mylife , parents dont wantmeto go out of the house
    i can only hear my breaths <Mod Edit: Methods>
    Last edited by a moderator: May 18, 2015
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. The hurt you feel is not nice and you are so young. Trying to get over a relationship is hard but it will take time. From what you stated about the relationship, it's sounds very toxic in the he treated you. Your relationship should be based on equality and love. The other person is causing you mental cruelty and not physical harm. The physical harm is being self-inflicted from the state of the relationship. I am so sorry to hear that you are suffering but you to tell someone. If you did anything them your parents would truly miss you and also be worried about your state of mind.

    You need to keep away from this person and break all communication. It's not a sign of love, where the person mistreats you in the way he is saying stuff to you. You need to remain calm and speak to a counsellor. I know you are hurting but please remain calm and do not act on any feelings. Please use the alternative methods of self-harm such as ice cubes or an elastic band. These do not leave any permanent scars. You are young and please remember that. You will find your love one day but please get away from this toxic relationship. With relationships you go through the emotions and you have to be strong. You learn from your mistakes and try to become a better person. Please PM me anytime if you want to talk in private.

    Take care and be safe. Keep posting for further support you deserve.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Darvosh, how come you were not accepted into university despite getting high marks? Was there another issue?

    I really am so sorry you are feeling so down and worthless! I hope this community here can help you, welcome!
  4. darvosh

    darvosh New Member

    i dunno , i tried applying last year , they rejected me , i tried applying again this to more than one , and they also rejected me .. i ask for academic reason for my rejection , they dont give any ... :/