Please help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by quest10, Aug 30, 2016.

  1. quest10

    quest10 Active Member

    I don't know what to do but end everything. Please help me. Have so many health issues, pain, suffering. Have unbearable guilt about things I've done and haven't done.

    Please help me see a way out, I don't know what else to do.
     
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Welcome to the forum. Hugs. Are you getting any professional help
     
  3. quest10

    quest10 Active Member

    Thanks.
    Not really any that's helping. Not sure anyone can help
     
  4. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    What about counselling or medication? Can you try something else if what you are doing is not helping?
     
  5. quest10

    quest10 Active Member

    I feel beyond help, I've done too much damage. Too much has happened, I wasted too much time
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi @quest10 and welcome to SF :) It is never too late to seek help. Are you seeing a psych/doctor/therapist? On medications? No-one is beyond help. I hope to see more of you around the forums :)
     
    quest10 likes this.
  7. quest10

    quest10 Active Member

    Thankyou but I feel I have done damage to my life, mistakes and behaviour I knew better but did anyway. I cannot forgive myself. I need to escape.
     
  8. quest10

    quest10 Active Member

    I don't know how to forgive myself. I have let myself down, again. I ignored my instincts, I was lazy. How do I get past that?
     
  9. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi quest10. I'm sorry you have so much that hurts you on your plate right now. *hug*

    Everyone makes mistakes and even does things they know are not the best things to do. Every single choice we make, means there is something that we "don't" do. It can be so easy to look back and think "oh, if only I'd not done this (or I had done that instead...)". We cannot change the past. Living in regret, guilt, anger, sadness over the past means we sitting there with those feelings and not moving forward and beyond them. It's natural to feel those regrets...for a while. Then to help ourselves, we could start to put our energy into making RIGHT NOW as good as it can be. That might not change everything in life so that all our "guilt and regrets" are dissolved and we have the life we "might" have had, but it's a starting point for making the next things we do as good as we can make them. Living in guilt and regret uses up the present and clouds the future. They are double whammies in life.

    Are you able to take the best care of yourself regarding your health issues? Basic things like eating, exercise, seeing a doctor and taking proper meds? How might you improve on taking care of yourself - even if there are some challenge/obstacles? (Maybe folks here can share what they have done when we know what you are doing already.)

    In spite of what I hear saying is a less-than-perfect past, perhaps look at the present. What things do you enjoy or find rewarding? What could you enjoy doing, or imagine yourself enjoying? How might you work towards a life that allows you to do them? Sure, there might be some hurdles, but as Petal noted, it is never too late.

    I am really glad you reached out to us. Maybe a bit of letting go of the past and planning carefully for the future will help from today onwards. :) I hope so. And when you need support, you can always talk here on SF.

    Be safe. I think there is a good future for you. Better than you might think there could be.
     
    Lazarus70 and quest10 like this.
  10. quest10

    quest10 Active Member

    Thankyou @Acy . Your words help. I just feel like such a bad person, I did some terrible things that I dont believe are forgiveable. Now I feel I need to remove myself from situation. I dont feel I deserve to live. I have wasted so much time. It has triggered and made worse horrendous physical health that I now feel is my punishment and I cannot resolve it. I love exercise but I am unable due to pain in my feet and legs - is this due to anxiety? I am in pain everywhere. Ironically I hate taking tablets. I am anti meds. Just can't work out a way through this in my mind.

    Please, I welcome any replies just to help me unravel it all, anything will help, thankyou x
     
  11. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    I've been anti-meds for years, but just this week realized that I can't do it on my own anymore. I needed some medicinal help and after just 4 days back on anti-d's I'm feeling more clear and calm. I won't get into detail but I've done things that make me want to cringe. It took me years to forgive myself. But it's very true that we all make bad choices in life and mistakes we cannot change. I humiliated myself so badly one time that I actually had to move to make myself feel better! As for your physical pain...not sure, when I had severe anxiety, it affected my digestion really badly. Maybe you're tensing up too much and need to do some relaxing stretching exercises to help a little? Just an idea.
     
  12. WhoaThisPlaceIsScary

    WhoaThisPlaceIsScary Well-Known Member

    When you die you don't go to hell..you create your own living hell on earth through your/OUR actions.Light is the truth..for without light you can not see.But then again that's all bullshit...so who knows.Hopefully that helps ..lol.
     
  13. quest10

    quest10 Active Member

    Thanks for your replies. Yes the trouble is I did something I knew wouldn't benefit me. It made me feel good at the time and for a little while, but now the guilt has crept up on me and that is causing my ill health. Looking back, I had all the messages and tools to know it wasn't the right thing, but I did anyway. That is what I feel most bad about, not the action itself but my lack of thinking in that I knew it would only make things worse. That's what I can't forgive myself for. I've wasted over year on this nonsense and I don't know how to move past it. I had an opportunity last year while things were good to do something positive for ME, to create love and acceptance for myself, not by seeking it in others and wasting time. I see that no good can come of this, only torture, pain and suffering. If anyone can see anything positive to come out of this, please share, because I feel as though I have done too much damage to myself and others.

    Please keep talking to me, please.
     
  14. quest10

    quest10 Active Member

    Just to add, it now feels like my whole life is WRONG and therefore not possible to carry on. I feel like I live in the wrong house, wrong area, have no job, no life, no future. I just don't know how to function. I don't know how to rehabilitate myself anymore. Surely it's a waste of time now I've thrown it all away. I am nearly 40 and I made one too many mistakes now.
     
  15. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    There is a natural response in all people commonly referred to as the fight or flight response. The key thing to remember is it is an instinctive thing and based on personality and tendencies far more than facts/reality. Guilt and difficult issues to deal with often invoke the flight response as nobody "wants" to actually deal with these types of issues- but invariably thinking about what al needs to be done is far more difficult than actually starting to deal with it and the sense of relief when you can finally know that you are actually beginning to do things instead of just avoid them is immeasurable. I have no idea of what issues you are talking about- you have just said "lots of things" and "too much" , etc - and I am sure that taken all in combination that is true. But you do not make things better all at one time just like you do not make things worse all at one time- it is a process of repeated actions and decisions that build up over time- years sometimes. But you change it the same way- and typically takes far less time to make corrections than it does to so royally screw all up that you feel you have no way out -- and the perception of impossible to fix is a perception- not a fact. We have a person running for president based on his ability to fix the economy that has declared bankruptcy 3 times- if that is not proof people are able to overlook anything then .....
     
    quest10 and MisterBGone like this.
  16. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    You are your worst critic right? You're probably the only person who thinks you are so wrong. I agree that you need to start dealing with the issues and start forgiving yourself. I moved around a lot, all over the country until I found where I felt right. It all had to do with me and how I felt, not what I thought others might think of me. Nobody is perfect and we will continue to make mistakes! But if we learn from the bigger ones, then we can make better choices right?
     
    quest10 likes this.
  17. zuzuspetals

    zuzuspetals Member

    Dear quest10,

    Can you be specific about what’s troubling you? Trust me, those of us on this sitehave either lived it at least once or have gone through it with loved ones. Not only will we be able to help assess your situation, but it may help get it off of your chest a little if you write it out. What has helped me in times of distress and pain was my faith. I too have felt that there was nowhere to go. But as I learned, there was one place to go that I had forgotten about, and it changed everything. Also, in almost any town there is a really strong network of capable doctors and counselors. Have you seen either yet? Please don’t evaluate your situation until you’ve seen both MD and counselors. And remember, there’s nothing, no sin so great that God has not already forgiven. He’s not interested in where you’ve been. He’s interested in where you’re going to go now. Blessings.
     
    quest10 likes this.
  18. quest10

    quest10 Active Member

    Thanks for your reply zuzuspetals,
    I have a lot of physical problems, made worse by emotional upset over the past year. I feel I had an opportunity to change my life for the better last year, but took it for granted and abused the situation. The pain and diabetes make life a struggle and I have basically exhausted myself trying to cope.

    "And remember, there’s nothing, no sin so great that God has not already forgiven. He’s not interested in where you’ve been. He’s interested in where you’re going to go now"

    Thank you for these words. I don't believe in God as a physical being, our perception of what God is, can be different, but boils down to the same thing, which is belief. The words you've used, I can apply to my situation and belief for the future, and they gave me a lot of comfort, actually, thank you and blessings to you too. It doesn't matter where I've been, it's where I'm going that counts :)
     
  19. Lazarus70

    Lazarus70 Active Member

    I relate to this so deeply. You're not alone.
     
  20. quest10

    quest10 Active Member

    Thank you @Lazarus70 , how do you get through it? Best wishes to you.