Please help, I have nowhere to turn, my story so long and my energy so low, facing a 3rd surgery which hospital messed up, and have chronic illness, become socially isolated, with feelings of no hope. used to be high achiever, with three degrees and a PhD, defined by my work, and now i'm on disability and people get sick of people when often ill, lost my friends, my family ….. i don't want to die, but i can't bare this existence; feeling dead inside …. sometimes with hope, but so much bad luck, and never really fitting in. …… have still tried to help so many people but its always seemed to 'kick me back in the guts' …. so lonely, trying so hard, but others won't or can't understand …. my story probably similar to many. been so ill for so long, trying for so long, fighting suicidal thoughts and past failed attempts ….. i don't want to die, but please, i want to be 'alive' and to be loved, not feel dead inside. i don't know what to do, and have no energy to get back to hospital for another surgery, and that is the least of my problems. i don't mean to be a 'pity party', but its just so much to deal with and don't know where to turn anymore. … people don't want to know. Crying doesn't help anymore, my sister killed herself too, and its horrible having a chronic severe illness with post traumatic syndrome after being in hospital and intensive care for 3 months, and yet still being expected after surviving, to get myself in again, so they can fix the mistakes constantly made - a third surgery over this month, after multiple over the years… feeling very let down by the medical system and my family who travel the world and are wealthy, whilst i hope and wish, but am seen as a burden, always a burden, i'm sorry. So much to my 'story', hard to write, and i saw so many posts of people feeling similar. It hurts. Please?