Please help

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Blueduck, Feb 3, 2010.

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  1. Blueduck

    Blueduck New Member

    Hello, I don't know if this breaks forum rules or not, but I am currently exploring all avenues of help. Not for me, but for my friend.

    He lives in a completely different state from me, and I've never actually met him in person. I hope the assumption wasn't immediately that he was scamming or that just because he's from the internet/I never met him, that his trouble is any less real, or that my concern is any less true. I feel especially an online forum like this can offer anonymous but wholehearted support and worry.

    Because I can't in any way reach him though, I can't be there to physically support him, cheer him up, or even just check up on him. He is legally an adult, lives on his own, with no friends or family, and has a cat. He has limited education, but is very smart, compassionate, and only recently lost his job because he discovered his employer was cruel to animals and refused to continue work.

    I don't know much about depression, so I don't know if he's actually depressed, but I do know the job loss has caused his motivation and will to simply do things to plummet. He told me how when he was younger, he went through a few years where he simply stayed in his bare room, barely eating, barely showering, and almost never going outside. For years. And how he feels that empty feeling settling again. He has also mentioned how he feels more and more like a hermit a day. He has undergone some physical and mental trauma in his youth, and also mentions how he has absolutely no expectations for the future, how what he has, however little, is it. When I tried googling depression, I could at least check off a few of the symptoms that I noticed from him.

    What troubles me the most however, is his calm and steady certainty that when his cat dies, he will kill himself. He has expressed this without any sense of desperation or regret to me several times, sometimes when he's obviously laughing, cheerful, etc, it's as if he attaches no emotion to such a tragic decision. I've tried to talk him into casting aside that self-imposed deadline, but he treats it as much as a given as I do the sun setting. He doesn't want to try to change it.

    I had hoped over the next few years he'd discover for himself reasons to live beyond his cat, but this sudden bout of withdraw and listlessness has me very frightened that he'll just stay away from the world and prevent any chance of him rediscovering happiness.

    I live so far away from him, I have my own academics that I can't leave, I can't give him daily support or companionship, or make sure he gets out the door and socializing, I can't even give him a hug. I've mentioned him talking to therapists before, and he's both stoutly rejected the idea as well as expressed his experience with and cynicism towards them.

    I don't know if he's depressed or what kind of suicidal he is, if at all, but how can I help him? How can he be helped?
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If he has a computer just keep in contact with him that way. Phone him talk to him send him letters if you have his address Thats all you can do he has to want the help unfortunately but by just staying in contact he will know someone cares
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...it is so nice that he has a friend like you who is concerned about him...you would be surprised how much support can be received through cyber...if he can, have him register so he can tell his own story and receive the support that is here for him...big hugs, J
     
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