Please help...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Little Miss Trouble 83, Jun 13, 2012.

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  1. I've been battling mental illness for the last 13 years and I thought at some point it surely had to get easier but it doesn't seem to. My life is spiralling out of control at the moment and I really don't know what to do know. I tried to phone my CPN every day this week and couldn't get hold of her. I've tried to phone friends but my best friend is pregnant and my other very close friend is away on her honey moon. I've been trying to phone another friend of mine but she's really unreliable and constantly lets me down and as usual isn't answering her phone.

    I'm ready to give up and people tell you if you are suicidal you should seek help but what's the point trying to get help when no one answers your calls? It's not like I feel like this often.

    All I can think of is that the train track is only five minutes walk from my house and I know here are still trains going through overnight. My finances are a complete mess and I haven't opened my post for months now. I'm off work sick (again) and my pay is being reduced to half pay next week. I'm a let down to my family and I think my friends would be better off without me. I don't think many people would attend my funeral or be upset by what I had done. They'd all forget me and move on quick enough, after all they forget me when I'm alive.

    I studied and worker really hard to get my job and to where I am but I'm not sure I can cope at work and that is one of the few things that has kept me going but I was struggling so much before I went off sick I nearly lost my job. Right now I just feel completely utterly hopeless...
  2. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    At least you achieved study and got a good job , you should be proud. You should try and get some holidays and sort yourself out. You prob need professional help because I don't think your friends will understand. Stay safe.
  3. Adsum

    Adsum Member

    I wanted to welcome you to the forum. I understand how hard it is to battle through mental illness and feel all alone at the very moment that you need someone the most.
    I also wanted to suggest that you look in the buddy section and maybe reach out to get a buddy and also try chatting and reaching out more around here. I would say that there are certainly plenty of people who understand and who are willing to lend an ear, so to speak.

    Wishing you all the best.
  4. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Isn't there a suicide hotline in your area that you can call for help? Of course we are all here to listen to you as well, but it sounds like you are looking for immediate attention, and I see that you logged off before anyone had the chance to reply. There is also a chat room here if you are looking for live peer support.

    I hope you are okay and return to SF soon.
  5. Hi,
    I think I'd managed to wear myself out last night before any one could reply and in the end I just wanted to go to bed and go to sleep. There is a part of me that wants to keep going, not give into this but then there are the times like I'm having now and this is one of the worst. I needed to tell people who would understand more how I am feeling, I wish I'd known about something like this earlier. Unfortunately it looks like our local listening who are absolutely excellent will be loosing their funding and closed which will leave a major gap for many people.

    I tried to log into the live chat but it kept telling me I needed to upload more software which I did but it still wouldn't work so I admit I gave up because it was probably making me angry and I've already broken my phone this week so afford to break my lap top as well!

    Thank you for your reply :courage:
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