I'm not sure what I'm doing here. I'm sorry that I'm not the kind of person that others can or want to learn from. I know that I'm not worth the time and money. I was hospitalized after I messed up. I woke up after I thought it was a fool proof suicide. It just landed me in the psych ward. I was traumatized from the first day and I did everything to get out. I was held longer after they felt that I was too much of a suicide risk. I just cried in my hospital bed. I really wanted to die. I suffer every day with pain, but the worst is my mind. I know that I'm never going to last. I do feel bad that people wants to help me, but I really feel they are wasting their time on me. I'm not trying to be difficult. I'm just tired of living this way. I don't like people making a judgement on what is best for me. After years of non-stop health problems, I need to stop it. Im aware that some will totally disagree with me, but Im the one living in this body. I beleave in compassion and letting people decide what is enough. I'm so tired!