Please I need some advice.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ellie Grey, Oct 22, 2012.

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  1. Ellie Grey

    Ellie Grey Well-Known Member

    First off I would like to apologize for the amount of times I have started threads.
    But I don't have anyone left, any means to get better.

    I'm currently with my uncle, and usually he see's the best in me, he's very honest and likes me as a person. But I don't have anyone else. I don't get along with my mother much. She says we do but when I come to her with a problems, she gets sick of talking to me.
    I try and tell her things and she either goes quiet, or starts shouting at me. I understand she worries about me because I see it in her face, but at the same time I wish I could have her support in me. Yet I do understand dealing with her own problems are the priority.

    I can't bear to be around her anymore so I'm staying at my uncles for a few days.

    I feel as if I have let everyone down, my teacher is getting annoyed with me because when I get depressed I can't just get happy. I just go quiet and want to be alone. She makes me sit with the others in the class and gets angry because she says my mood affects others.

    The pressure of school is just... so overwhelming. I have so many thoughts in my head. Intense hatred for myself, for my ex boyfriend, and some members of my family.
    Also, underlying fear I'll fail everything.

    I've started getting dreams where I'm being sexually assaulted. I've never had that happen so I don't know why these dreams are taking place, they started at around 11 yrs old. It's beginning to really upset me because they are so realistic and they scare the hell out of me (never had any of that happen to me before IRL)
    I'm not attracted to the opposite gender as I feel fear, and a strong dislike. It's illogical to feel a dislike over an entire population of people because of a bad experience with 1 individual but I can't help it.
    My Mum isn't homophobic but she doesn't like to talk about it that much. She says sometimes I make things up for attention.

    I can't talk to anyone, even my uncle (he has medical problems I don't want to bother him with my emotional baggage)
    I have friends online but they are all children my age, It's cruel to put my problems upon them, as I can tell they do not have the capability to cope with them.
    My older friends in real life are having their own problems.

    I can't seem to deal with my emotions. They keep going from anger-sadness-happiness-wanting to inflict violence on the closest thing (aka extremely aggressive) in no particular order. I get so angry that, because I can't express it, it begins to give me pains in my heart and stomach, also affecting me physically. I am not allowed to self harm so I think that is a link why my emotions are so out of control.

    I'm so alone. My dad is dead, I feel that talking to my mother about anything will get me nowhere.
    Anyone got any advice?

    (I'm also starting family mediation/couseling in a couple weeks, but after meeting the woman and chatting to her, she does not seem a person whom I could get along with.)
    Sorry once again. I know I ask for advice a lot.
    Thank you.
  2. slcsportschick

    slcsportschick Active Member

    Hey Ellie, I'm Kaylie. I'm sorry to hear about all the things that are going on in your life. You seem like such a kind person, and I want to help you how ever I can. If you need anyone to talk to, I'm here for you. It can be hard to feel like you are all alone. I don't know if you are religious or anything, but turning to God can be some of the biggest help that anyone can get. You're in my prayers. Hang in there. You are loved, and you are worth it.
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