Please, if it's not too much

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Anonymousnobody, Apr 7, 2013.

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  1. Anonymousnobody

    Anonymousnobody Well-Known Member

    I'm new here, so I probably won't get any replies, but...I just...wanted to share my story. Which is stupid of me, if no one is going to read it. It just....might be nice to...let it all out.

    I have been raised in a normal, happy, large family. No issues with abuse, no loss of parents. We are pretty well off money wise, too.'s weird for me to feel this way.

    I constantly criticize myself. On my schoolwork, on my (nonexistent) social skills, everything I do is criticized by some part of my brain. I can never get anything right. I always manage to screw something up, to make everything wrong and awkward. I'm useless.

    I was also teased a lot in third grade. I've never been a victim of bullying, at least...not consistently. But that year, everyone picked on me. They called me fat, ugly, annoying. My teacher, mrs. Lane, had this thing we did where everyone writes a compliment for everyone else in the classroom. Then we take the compliments and glue them on a piece of paper for each person. And on my paper....everyone simply said I was "nice". If we had been allowed not to write a compliment for someone, I am certain I wouldn't have gotten anything.

    I know im not pretty, I know. So why....why do people have to point it out? Why do humans try to hurt one another simply for the heck of it? I know I'm ugly, I know my face is round and my teeth are crooked and my gut is huge and my boobs are small and my feet are giant and my hair is a mess. I know! I don't need you to tell me again. Every morning, I look in the mirror and I see all the ugliness. I see it, I'm not blind. I don't need you to point it out for me...

    I'm a horrible, self centered person. I try to play the quiet girl at school, the girl who is nice to everyone.'s a mask. I can't let them see how much of a loudmouth I am, or how horrible my thoughts are. I can't...I just can't...

    I'm sorry....I don't....I can't finish this right now. Maybe I'll continue someday.
  2. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Do you think your own perception of yourself is placed on you by the thoughts of other people, like you feel "I must be like this, because this person said this". Just a thought, we all have self image problems, sadly I think pressure on society on what is perfect etc, is a lot of crap to be honest. You need to learn to be happy with how you look and feel, so you can ignore what other people think. Of course how you go about doing that is the question, there is loads of links on here with ideas and support etc, and of course if you read some of the forums you will see you are not alone.
  3. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Hello and welcome to SF. I hope you do come back on here and continue sharing. Is there anyone irl you can talk to?
  4. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member



    we're all here listening

    emily xx
  5. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    You sound like me. I struggle a lot with self-image - I hate the way I look, I hate when things in my hardly-there social life are effected by the way I look. I wish I could give you advice on how to start moving on from those issues but I can't. I wouldn't even talk about body-image with my therapist because it's embarassing to draw attention to it.

    There's little things I do...wear nice clothes, watch makeup tutorial videos online, straighten my hair and so on that makes me feel a bit better. Is there something you do that makes you feel better?

    Why would you think you are a self-centered person? And what horrible thoughts do you have?
  6. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    welcome to sf
    its veryhard to think of positive thoughtsw when you have depression, the best thing you can do is challenge the thoughts with a positive thought, rather saying you are useless at x, say you are you not useless or x needs improving, rememeber that negatvive thoughts can add up after while and this can make feel hopless and fustrated.
  7. HelgasAngel

    HelgasAngel Well-Known Member

    Don't let others opinion of you become your opinion of yourself.
  8. MikeHC

    MikeHC New Member


    I felt and am feeling the same way right now. I have a physical disability that makes me stand out from the crowd, but it does not stop me from living my life in the best way I can. Like others said, try to stay positive and factor out the negativity from around you. You just need to hang on, not only for you, but for your family and friends that do care about you.
  9. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    helgasangel is so right +1 to her
  10. HelgasAngel

    HelgasAngel Well-Known Member

    im a guy lol but thanks
  11. Anonymousnobody

    Anonymousnobody Well-Known Member

    Thanks to all of you who replied. It makes me feel a lot better to have someone actually take this seriously. Yes, I do have people IRL I can talk to, but I don't want them to have to deal with my problems when they have so much of their own. Thank you for taking the time to respond, it really makes me happy.
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