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Please is there anyone I can trust?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Shock, Mar 23, 2010.

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  1. Shock

    Shock Well-Known Member

    So after much consideration I went to the counselor at uni. I told her about my feelings of wanting to suicide, with the understanding that what I said was confidential. This was a big fucking step for me and I felt very nervous about it. As I have had trouble sleeping she suggested I go to the doctor on campus and get some sleeping pills. She made an appointment on the phone and offered to direct me there herself.

    However the doctor new all about our conversation and wanted to lock me up in some fucking psych ward. When I said I felt very uncomfortable and wanted to leave she said she would call the police. Truly. She said I had 2 choices, I could either ring my dad or she would call the police. I'm not a criminal, I had not broken any laws. All I did was try to get help for myself and before I knew it they were going to lock me up.

    Obviously I opted to call my dad. I felt terrible about this as he is ill and I did not want to burden him with my problems, as well as save myself the embarrassment of talking about this topic. The doctor told him everything, and said he would have to keep me under observation. Eventually I just agreed with everything just to get out of there.

    This has without a doubt been the most traumatic day of my life. I thought there were people that would help me, but I very much nearly ended up being locked up. Now I have to worry about my poor dad whose had to deal with all this crap. And now I have to go home and pretend like everythings ok.

    I feel ten times worse then before. I am really getting near the end.
  2. nimbus

    nimbus Well-Known Member

    i'm so sorry that they violated your privacy that way. hang in there though. you might actually be able to find some help.
  3. Shock

    Shock Well-Known Member

    Where? Arnt they the people who are meant to help?
    ...sorry to sound so negative....
  4. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    i'm sorry to hear your day has been so rough. i understand what you are saying and at the same time i understand where they are coming from. there is a responsibility with those in a position of trust like that. there are two reasons that confidentiality can be broken. that is if you have a plan to hurt yourself or someone else. other than those two things they have to keep what you say confidential. i don't say this to discourage you from talking if you do feel this way, not at all. just understand that this is their responsibility.

    i have been locked up more times than i can even count. their only interest is just to keep you safe till you get through these feelings. then they let you go. i've never really had a bad experience being locked up. maybe frustrating or annoying definately, but i wouldn't say bad. this isn't the case for everyone i know this, but i'm only speaking for myself.

    i would like to encourage you to continue to try to speak up. maybe try to address more of what makes you feel like this. you are certainly welcome to share that stuff here. that's what most if not all of us are here for. just keep talking. it really can help. please take care, keep sharing, and i hope you get to feeling better and soon.
  5. Shock

    Shock Well-Known Member

  6. carekitty

    carekitty Guest

    Do you belong to a church or other religious place that may be able to help? I don't know what their legal responsibilities are, but maybe not the same as a registered therapist.

    I'm sure sorry they violated your trust like that. Threatening you is not going to help.
  7. beforetheworst

    beforetheworst Active Member

    I know it's hard to imagine this but they only did these things because they care. I know it's hard to see that threatening to lock you up means caring but they obviously were so concerned about your ability to keep yourself safe that they didn't want to risk that happening.
    You can trust people, you can trust me if you feel like talking :)
    hang in there.
  8. empty101

    empty101 Well-Known Member

    Honestly, if I were in your position, I would fucking lose it. The counselor absolutely violated your privacy, threatened you, stressed out your ill dad and made you much worse.

    As someone who was once a depressed university student, I completely understand that what they did is one of the worst things that could have happened to you. I had the suicidal thoughts, suicidal fantasies, etc. I once considered seeing a counselor and now, imagining myself in your position really pisses me off.

    Reaching out is one of the most difficult parts about being suicidal/depressed, and the one person I reached out to made me regret doing it. I planned on telling you that just because one person betrayed your trust, doesn't mean you shouldn't trust anyone. My thinking was that, if I were the counselor, I could help you and I'd never do anything you wouldn't have wanted. But I don't know if I really want to say that anymore.

    You made the right move, but some people in our world are nasty/ignorant.

    Here's my suggestions:
    1) Downplay the situation with your dad. I don't know what exactly they told him, but act like you were just stressed out with school, said things that weren't true just to be dramatic, and didn't mean what you said.
    2) Don't worry about the police. If they show up, act like everything is alright, and you're confused why the counselor called the police (if a similar situation ever comes back up). Tell the police you were just stressed out, went on a rant and didn't really mean anything. Whoever calls them was just blowing things our of proportion.
    I don't know what it's like where you live, but where I live if you act perfectly normal/calm around the police they know there's no problem. They can't take you away because the counselor said you're crazy but you seem completely normal to them. (if the police aren't as friendly where you live, it might be a different story)

    3) Don't give up on seeking help, but be careful who you trust. This website helped me a lot, and I can talk to you about how I got out of my depressive state at university.
    I went from terrible sleeping habits, depression, loneliness etc. etc. and got better. There was a time where I could have been put on sleeping pills, anti-depressants and may have been diagnosed with X amount of personality disorders. Today I feel fine. I never went on drugs, never went to a counselor or psychiatrist and now I'm better.
    Don't let this thing ruin you. Keep fighting.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 23, 2010
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